Hello Friends its the end of day 65 sober, I am currently in bed and usually this is the time I reflect on myself. Forgiving myself is probably the hardest part of my recovery. I know I cant go back and prevent the tears, fears, anger, loss of people time. The court dates, the keying of the car, the drunken threats. The heartbreaks, the drunken fights, the lying, the deceitfulness, the not caring, the selfishness, the un-ability to see love and also forgiveness for my parents.
I came across this video a moment ago, that opened my inner being in understanding what forgiveness means: Giving up hope that the past could be any different. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for Oprah, my healing tears and for becoming self aware.
It’s 12:24am on day 53 sober, I am still awake on Sober is the New Black, the longer I am sober , I get more of an understanding on what love is and means. Learning how to love and accept love. How to show love, give love, create love within. How to build relationship with love and how to nurture love. I created this post from a deep place and felt these feelings inside needed to be released. This Letter consist of a poem I just wrote, photos and a song that connects to everyone in the photos Especially vince.
Choose
You choosen this lost boy with no direction
Loved the drunk with whiskey lips
Supported my empty shell of a body with your clouded eyes
Cuddled my lifeless limbs and bones with your tired arms
Wiped away my weeping tears of regret with your blister fingers
You fathered the fatherless with your broken heart
Cried, pleaded, begged, demand with your threats
Dug holes for a prisoner of the past to escape with your fading love
This boy now has direction with sweet lips
Body Shell filled with Love, joy and courage that shine’s out
Limbs and bones electrified with strength
Tears of joy now flow
Fathered by the universe
No longer a Prisoner from past
free’d from the dug holes
Let me build that path now
Let me love those bitter lips
Let my shine, shine through those clouded eyes
Let my endurance build those tired arms
Let my sober kisses heal those blistered fingers
Let my love seal that broken heart
Let my action wash away those past threats
I am now strong enough to dig holes for your prison past
Hello friends today is day 33 sober and I am sitting at a cafe near my apartment on a hot day inn LA. I moved from Koreatown to near downtown area. I don’t mind it but do miss all my little spots. I came across this song last night Lady GaGa “Dope” and it was really good. It reminds me that Alcohol-ISM hurts tons of people involved and I need to stay focus on my long term go and heal. Im about to start the list in a moment. Here are some amazing lyrics and what I think they mean. This song is for everyone Ive hurt because of my Alcohol-ISM disorder! Family, friends,and loved ones
“The party’s just begun / I promise this / This drink is my last one / I know that I f–ked up again / Because I lost my only friend.”
Her habits and addictions caused her to lose something more special and more important than dope, like her relationship, friends, or family
“My heart would break without you / Might not awake without you / Been hurting low, from living high for so long / I’m sorry, and I love you / Sing with me / ‘Bell Bottom Blue’ / I’ll keep searching for an answer cause I need you more than dope.”
” Bell bottom blue” is an Eric Clapton and Derek and the Dominos reference
“One last puff / And two last regrets / Three spirits / And 12 lonely steps / Up heaven’s stairway to gold… / Oh, I feel so low from living high.”
indulges one last time in drink and drugs, and hits that path to recovery. She’s already feeling the effects of withdrawal and she’s not stoked about letting go of her dependencies, because they are tough to kick and they do provide a chemical comfort. But sometimes, you just gotta. To us, it sounds like she is facing the prospect of letting go of something powerful — be it dope or love. Perhaps this is her final kiss with her lover.
Sober Is The New Black 