Day 353 Sober: Building myself | Sober Is The New Black

Hello Friends today is day 353 sober. Just got back to LA from an amazing trip back home in Palm Springs. I spent mother’s day with both mothers, grateful for the sober mind that allowed me to enjoy each moment. My year sober is in a couple weeks. It’s kind of surreal to have made it this far without cravings. It went by quickly. This journey has been so rewarding in every aspect of my life, Mind, body and soul. The ones I lost because of past addiction are coming back around.

Day 1 sober I was sitting on a mattress in an empty room. I was empty and broken inside. No purpose, no clear path, not writing. I felt defeated but I knew the reason for all the turmoil was due to alcohol. Fast forward to today, actually living a life that I am proud of. Feeling weightless of the past. Seeing people with love instead of ego. I will always be working but today I’m enjoying 353 days of sober.

I stumbled upon an amazing app called Sober Grid that connects me with other sober people in my local area. It’s available for all smart phones. It really cool, like a community sharing their day, posting inspiration on the news feed, and they even have a burning desire if someone needs to talk at anytime of the day. It’s hard sometimes to meet other sober people who can relate and understand. In the past I’ve meet some cool people who find out I’m sober, they tend to get scared off like I’m contagious.

I am aware that being sober carry’s a stigma that we are boring. Others might not want to invite me because they want to have a drink without feeling guilty or worry. I’m at a point in my recovery were I can be around alcohol and not crave it. My life is to amazing to ever want my lips to touch another bottle.

When I was an active addict I was not fun, maybe in the beginning but once I blackout I would make drunk scenes. Get emotional and act out in ways that were not my true self. I would wake up the next day and have a feeling of deep shame. Now when I go out, I’m in control of every situation and outcome. I’m now Laughing, dancing, being myself, a wiser and more positive person. I’ve notice the universe is bringing more like minded people in my life and taking away all the negative thinking people.

When I was using, I would always build myself in bars. By stretching the truth, lying, or hiding my past. I did that because I was empty inside. I knew up to that point I had amounted to nothing. Hearing others succeeding in life made me feel low. When I look back on my tall stories, I can’t help laugh at how delusional I was.

So I now I build myself up in healthy and mindful ways. Asking myself what needs to be worked on. Whether it’s work on my health or old wounds. Being aware of my emotions for example if I’m hurting or feel jealous I will ask myself “why I’m I feeling that way”? Than follow that string of pain to the source. Once I find the source than I could heal by letting go and forgiving. I also build my self up in other ways like Creating love for every part of my body and if I’m not happy with my waist than making healthy choices in my eating habits. Believing that I am worthy of self-respect. Working on long-term gratification instead of living for instant gratifications. Writing poetry. Sober is the New Black

Here are some poems and two short stories.

I wrote this awhile back but yet to share it. At 11:52am an incident happen that took my breath away. this was the moment.

I’ll do whatever it takes to evolve from old ways

We all have disagreements with friends and family but now i value the saving the relationship than being right or wrong

I was always searching for outside things because I felt empty inside. nothing I found would be lasting, creating a greater need for more things. Making it a vicious cycle of need.