Hello Friends, today is day 204 sober, its been a great day, 5 days away from returning to my hometown palm springs, ca. So excited it’s hard to containing myself. Looking up some great meetings that I can attend. My goal is to go back and make some amends and forgive everybody and anything so I can move forward with no past preventing my healing. Feels great going back with a clear mind and more evolved than I was last trip back home.
I will be seeing my parents, I used to think I needed them to tell me sorry but the reality is that their actions were a result of an addict. Now that I am in recovery I understand that wasn’t who they are and their sorry can’t change the past or give me peace. The only thing that can give me peace is letting go and seeing them in the moment of today. Not sure if they are still using or have a program that helps them heal. Hopefully, with a huge from me and letting them know that I don’t have any ill feelings towards them than they can let go of the guilt that might be preventing them from fully healing. I don’t know what happen to my parents, but something did that made them feel that substances were a way to cope.
If they are not open to a hug or having me in their lives then that’s ok because I feel content knowing I did my part. I am still whole with or without my parents. Addiction is a hard thing to overcome, but it is possible no matter how long the substance has been blinding a person. My love for them will never leave nor keep me from seeing them in the light of love. When I was a kid I would defend my parents from the police officers or teachers. They would pull me into the office because I would have black eyes, knots on my head. I knew if they found out I would also lose my brother who was around the same age as me. He was the only rock I had in my life at the time. He too suffers from an addiction, but that is his to overcome.
I hope I can inspire my family to see possibilities in them, a family of addicts, yes but we are really awesome people too. Some of us in recovery some of us not but one day I dream a dream that we can all be sober, strong, soften, humbled by our egos sitting with only love during the holidays. If not my life is bigger than any circumstances, one day I’ll have a family of my own and start those family traditions I lack growing up.
So if there are any kids currently living with parents who are addicts, I know it’s difficult and confusing right now but I promise your life will go on. Your parent’s addiction doesn’t define your capability in life. Use your parent’s actions as a learning lesson, hold on to those dreams, find an art and create. Don’t give up or think that you any less, you’re a warrior with unimaginable strength. It’s ok to cry and get angry but always know your parents do love you. They are just unwell and keep your head up above what others say about your family. I know you feel like you are just trying survive day to day but once you get older, you can put down those barriers and open up to a life you deserve. You might have to work harder than others, but it will be very rewarding. People love you, I do, I hear you, I care, I validate you and I promise life gets better! Sober is the new black.
Demi Lovato suffered from addiction and this song Skyscraper is about her addiction. It’s a brilliant song for kids whom might be dealing with parents who are addicts, rise up from the circumstance and fight for a life you deserve.
stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez