Hello friends today is day 413 sober, this week has been a great week. I’ve been working on my positive thoughts. I’ve been surrounded by family and loved ones. Sobriety has brought me awareness. That I get to live another day to see family and friends that I love, is what I hold nearest to my heart.
Surrendering is one of the biggest gifts sobriety has brought me. The meaning behind surrendering could mean different things depending on a person. When I was using I felt surrendering was giving up. I can either win or lose and losing equaled surrendering. I learned that from the film’s I watched or book’s I read. Seeing a criminal surrender to cops. That is one angle, depending on the person level of awareness.I now see surrendering as something completely opposite
On a spiritual level for me surrendering is letting go and allowing my higher power to take over. That allows me to just be in the moment. Accepting “what is”. Surrendering isn’t giving up but having faith that the universe or higher power will guide my toes without me seeing a clear path.
In the beginning stages of sobriety when I surrendered I would beg, cry, plead, try every which way, until I was black and blue than surrender. That was self-abusive, now I just relax my mind, body and soul. When I’m calm I ask my higher power what’s the next right move. If a clear vision appears than I move in that direction. If not than I let it be, and let the universe work it’s law.
In the past I was consumed with achieving outcomes that I wanted, so I kept fighting without seeing blockades the universe was giving me. I would beat myself up or became bitter towards life and god. When I didn’t get what I wanted. When I was drinking alcohol I was against the flow of life. I felt unsettled, unhappy, and not a peace.
The flow of life takes me deeper and closer to my True self, where anything is possible.
The more I surrender, the closer I get to my true self. The closer I get to my true self the more I let go of ideas, opinions, and ego on how life should be. I become less attached and defined by outside stuff. When that happens “what I think I want” or “need” starts to fade. That doesn’t mean I don’t have goals or dreams but an understanding that I’m the co creator with the ultimate creator.
So when life is flowing and time is ticking. Life isn’t going as plan. In the past I would think I was a failure but the truth is it’s really a lesson that can guide me to a greater purpose or meaning. The ultimate creator has a different plan for me. At the time it might feel scary or painful but in the end good always rises with the higher power guiding you.
My rock bottom was the first time I ever really surrender. I just knew it was time to surrender. There are no words that could justify my awakening. It’s more of a feeling in that moment. That life isn’t going as planned. I kept trying to fix it on my own. I was creating more of a mess with a broken mind and soul. I had to accept I was an addict than let go and let god.
When life feels like its caving in, or you feel extreme stress towards a circumstance. You feel like you’re pushing against the flow of life, and your body is depleted from exhausted inside and outside, you can’t control emotions.
You can sit and see if there is purpose or meaning behind what you fighting for. Do I need to keep on this journey and face these fears? Or do I need to surrender because I am stuck wanting something now. Am I being stubborn. Once I started looking inward for questions the answer appears.
Than I ask myself how bad do I want change; the willingness to change? I wanted sobriety so bad day 1 sober. So bad I would have done anything and everything (and still do)
It ‘s important to see why we do whatever it is that is holding us back. So we don’t keep repeating the patterns or cycles. Having a greater awareness around situations allows me to be more deeply united with divine purpose, a meaningful existence with an impactful life. Sober is the new black.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez