Hello Friends, today 200 days sober! I’ve been sick but mustard up some strength to write. This has been the longest I’ve been sober in so long, I relapsed a bunch of times but it’s never too late to start over. So many lessons in my relapses I take with me into this newly sober life. I feel peace that was once unheard of in my sobriety time. The longer that I am sober, my days pass without me even really thinking about being sober. Life seems to be flowing and I am just riding along. In some ways I am finding new parts of me that I never knew existed, life seems very normal. It feels great knowing the new normal eventually turns into a normal. I have been around booze and it doesn’t change the way I feel or makes me question my sober shine.
I’ve notice when meeting people for the first time and they ask me what I do, I don’t mind telling them about my blog or the book that is currently being written. Sobriety works for me and I don’t expect others to fill the same. It seems people are very nice others I can feel a bit of hesitation. The word addict can scare a person, but it’s understandable, the symptoms of the mental disorder can cause harm to myself and to others if I’m using. Some people are unaware because they don’t know addicts or do know addicts and have been wounded by them and think I choose to be an addict. I used to care what others thought, in the beginning of sobriety I question if I should let a person know about sober is the new black? Or wait until they actually got to know me but the reality is, sobriety is number one the rest follows and I can’t be with someone or have friends that don’t understand that. I need people to see past my disorder and see my heart. A person who is unaware of the mental disorder might also think a person in recovery is not fun to hang out with or is a downer. Just to clarify it is quite the opposite. In my case I am laughing all the time, wanting to dance, a better friend and outgoing, very open to trying new things. When I was using I was secluded, non-social, not wanting to do anything, in dive bars, passing out early and getting drunk early, emotional, angry, would get offend by everybody and everything. I was no fun to be around.
Now that I am sober, know one can make me feel any less than what I feel for myself. I am very content with the friends I have in my life at the moment, I am now building on those relationship, instead of looking for validation in others who I just met or lost due to my addiction. Next week I’ll be in Palm Springs CA for a few weeks, so pools, dancing, and great writing sessions is what’s in store for me. Catching up with my family and loved ones. Going to see my mom and dad for some healing moments. My parents also suffered from addiction and so my childhood wasn’t the best and it molded my mind and eyes and affected the way I saw the world and myself in a negative way. I was an addict before I took my first substance, I had addiction tendencies and very self-abusive. I just need to get better before I head home, this fever and sore throat isn’t fun! I’ve been taking vitamins and getting as much sleep as I can. I have not written a poem in a while but feel content because I need to be 100 percent so I can create poetry.
Sober is the New Black
A lot of Sia music seems to be about addiction not sure if she struggled with it herself, but it helps me in times of need. Burn the pages off Sia new album is such a powerful song and I hope it inspires others to take out all the negative thoughts, feelings and past put them in a book and burn it and rise from the ashes, Rebirth.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez