Hello friends, today is 203 days sober, spending the day getting ready for my trip back home. So happy to see the desert stars and smells that desert air. Going back with a clear mind and focusing on healing childhood wounds is necessary for my sobriety. I grew up in a very dark childhood that consisted of all child abuse. Homeless quite a bit, so I know my childhood has everything to do with the way I saw my self-worth and how I saw people and how I reacted to life situations. I still don’t have a clear vision on why I started substance abuse with drugs and booze but in time I feel it will render.
I am feeling very content with being alone, its helps so I can focus on the areas I need the most work on. Being alone and loneliness was hard to separate in recovery because I felt like a part of me was missing but I came to realize that I am not lacking anything everything I need is already in me I just to create inside myself and the universe will bring to life. I am detaching from negative thoughts, opinions, all needs that I think I need. So I can sit still and not be blinded from my Ego. I want my Ego to become small and I need to always be aware so I can connect to others without pushing my old beliefs onto them. In recovery, I sometimes see people being unsupportive in others recovery process or kind of mean to others who are relapsing and I don’t ever want to be a dry drunk. I want to always have compassion for others because I was once them who kept relapsing on the same hand in recovery I never seen so much compassion and reaching out, The first week this blog went live, I was getting some people not so happy about me being vocal about my addiction and recovery process, even from my own family but a sober warrior told me to keep going and let my higher power guided my heart and so without her wisdom I probably would have stop. I don’t ever want to not speak out about my addiction because I want others who might still be using to know just cause you suffer from a mental disorder you are still capable of living out your dreams and living a happy life, you addiction doesn’t define you just like diabetes doesn’t define a diabetic. We just have to learn to separate oneself from the mind voice.
I am grateful for life, for my readers, for the love I am creating for myself that helps me love others unconditionally. I am grateful for my recovery that pushes me to becoming a better me. Sober is the new black.
India Arie “video” is such a powerful song, sometimes in life I have to be reminded and be put back on track with loving me whole and if I am feeling a bit blue I play this on repeat until there is no question on how much I love me.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez