Hello friends today is day 33 sober and I am sitting at a cafe near my apartment on a hot day inn LA. I moved from Koreatown to near downtown area. I don’t mind it but do miss all my little spots. I came across this song last night Lady GaGa “Dope” and it was really good. It reminds me that Alcohol-ISM hurts tons of people involved and I need to stay focus on my long term go and heal. Im about to start the list in a moment. Here are some amazing lyrics and what I think they mean. This song is for everyone Ive hurt because of my Alcohol-ISM disorder! Family, friends,and loved ones
“The party’s just begun / I promise this / This drink is my last one / I know that I f–ked up again / Because I lost my only friend.”
Her habits and addictions caused her to lose something more special and more important than dope, like her relationship, friends, or family
“My heart would break without you / Might not awake without you / Been hurting low, from living high for so long / I’m sorry, and I love you / Sing with me / ‘Bell Bottom Blue’ / I’ll keep searching for an answer cause I need you more than dope.”
” Bell bottom blue” is an Eric Clapton and Derek and the Dominos reference
“One last puff / And two last regrets / Three spirits / And 12 lonely steps / Up heaven’s stairway to gold… / Oh, I feel so low from living high.”
indulges one last time in drink and drugs, and hits that path to recovery. She’s already feeling the effects of withdrawal and she’s not stoked about letting go of her dependencies, because they are tough to kick and they do provide a chemical comfort. But sometimes, you just gotta. To us, it sounds like she is facing the prospect of letting go of something powerful — be it dope or love. Perhaps this is her final kiss with her lover.
Hello friends, today is day 33 sober! I am feeling grateful and A bit tired. I have to be up at 340am and I am a night person. Hopefully, soon ill be a morning person. So my goal for this week is to make a list of traumas that occurred in my childhood and adulthood. I am going to try and connect the dots from my traumas to my thought patterns and feelings. I do believe my childhood molded me into an Alcoholic; my parents are also addicts in recovery. My grandfather passed form Alcoholism and some of my brothers are currently struggling with substance abuse issues. So I do not know if its genetics, learn patterns from are elders and ancestors, or traumas, maybe all three?
I am also going to make a list of things I’ve done to others and to myself that caused pain and suffering, I also need to let those out. This will be a process and will tale sometime but I am excited to start doing the work. I am also terrified because I blocked out a lot of my childhood so what I need to do is meditate and ask my mind, heart and soul to help me see and connections like a form of Shamanism, one of the oldest spiritual practices. For the past couple of years I’ve been reading about Shamanism, I know there are different forms of it. Some use a shaman and some use hallucinogens (I defiantly wont be). I’ve never done it before but it seems to connect with me. If it doesn’t work then I will find another, I wont be discourage. Shamanism is a practice that involves a practitioner reaching Altered States of consciousness in order to encounter and interact with the spirit world and channel these transcendental energies into this world, Sounds a bit much but in human words to Meditate and ask my spirit guides to help me connect and find the dots so I can cleanse. Shamanism beliefs are when someone has a Traumas in their life it creates a whole in their soul and we feel it up with whatever makes us feel great, booze, sex, coffee, working out etc. The objective is to become whole not perfect. So once you become aware through meditation, you cleanse the holes in your soul than you are left with just open holes you have to heal by grief, acceptance, understanding, forgiveness, letting go and eventually you become whole for the moment because traumas will happen again so you start again.
First I need to make that list so after a good nap Ill get to work starting with my childhood it wont be easy but its necessary for my recovery and for me to stay Sober, Alcoholism is a catalyst for finding the real Adolfo