Hello Friends today is day 34 sober and so far it’s been an amazing day. So I started my list of childhood traumas but it ended up being a more like a bio. I did not realize how much feelings would resurface. I got this extreme hurt and anger so I had to stop for the day, going to push through and continue later on. My goal in writing down my childhood is not trying to understand my parents or rationalize my parents behavior, my purpose is to go back and try to comfort that 3year old and to let him know its ok to let go and to move on. I am not trying to see my childhood from the perspective of my parents or brothers. I am just writing down how I felt at that moment and what I Experience. It might be a hard read for people and especially for my family but I need to be broken open to let it all out than to heal. After I am done I will meditate to find healing and peace. I know there is no rush but I’ve been with this hurt and anger for the past 28 years and I do not want to wasted any more time with it! I lived my whole childhood in fear with good reason but there is no need for me to live in fear now. I will post it when its finish.
This weekend is going to be an amazing one. My stepmother who also happens to be my best friend is coming out with my brother. We always have a blast and she is the person that knows everything about me and I can confide in. Food, Shopping and great conversations is what we have planned. We even got matching tattoos. There have been a few people in my life that’s been with me on my journey the whole time, my stepmother is one of them we are close in age and we have some much in common from music to the way we think, and are humor. I eventually would love to have the same relationship with my real father and mother but ok if it doesn’t happen. After all I’ve been through I still have deep love for them.
So tonight will be a rare social night for me. Some friends and I will be renting a room for karaoke. I used to hate karaoke because it would be at a bar in front of a bunch of people. In Koreatown you can rent rooms with some friends and sing your heart out. It’s more personal and intimate. Today I am grateful for 34 days of clear mindedness and the courage to change. I know it gets easier all I have to do is not drink.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo