Day 85 sober, Hello friends today is such a wonderful day. I’ve been writing away. Just took a break. So I can post this. Life will happen and sometimes I might disagree or not understand it but it’s not my job to understand everything at the time it happens. I just have to surrender them to my higher power. Some lessons are so quite and so transparent the human eyes and ears can’t detect it. Life will hurt but I love myself and I am alive. I sometimes wish with all my might, I can take back the things I’ve done, sometimes i feel like those are still here to haunt me.
I need to stay focus. I will never drink I know that but I might still weep from those things I’ve done. It’s getting easier but hearing the trauma I caused my loved ones, I can’t help but feel a bit blue. I am no longer those things, I am someone new, with a new mind. I have to let people heal on their terms because their feelings are valid. I can’t make someone heal. I just want people to know me now, the real me. The one who always wants to laugh, dance, sing karaoke, have game nights, value connection, and wants to love. I am no longer that emotional mess that is self absorb with drunken blackout.
I wish I can wipe away my loved ones worries with a snap but I cant. I just have to show them the change me, let them get to know the new me. What I am realizing is recovery isn’t just for the addict it might be for the whole family. With that said if there is anyone out there who is reading this that I hurt in anyway due to my old drunken ways, I am tremendously sorry, there are not enough words nor poems I can write to take away that memory or pain your heart felt. I am no longer that abused child who was beaten black and blue that was scared of life, that molested little 3 year old who drank because he suffered; I am a courage’s soul who stands tall, deeply in love with himself, who wants to be the best he can with every moment of life. Who wants to spend the time building healthy relationships. I now live in place of understanding and gratitude. I now use my past for fuel instead of the excuse. I hope one day we can make a million great memories for each bad one.
Sober is the New Black. I am grateful I am feeling life even if it hurts a bit, I am grateful for love, for second chances even if doesn’t work out, for dreams that keep me focus, and for sobriety
In Jason Mraz words I wont give up, even if it doesn’t work out
Stay connect with love, Adolfo