DAY 61 Sober: Learning Trust

Hello friends today is 61 days sober and I woke up feeling refresh. I changed my work schedule so I am no longer working the 5am shift, which means I get more sleep so my mind is well rested. No more weekends off which is ok, I will start having Thursdays and Fridays off. Life has been amazing, last night I stayed up writing and watching film, two of my passions. I will be working 7 days a week coming up soon, so I am trying to stay in the moment and enjoy my days off. My goals for the next two days is to write, write, and write. I want to start a series of poems, I know its A lot on my plate with Sober is the New Black, the shorts and my Fiction but I have this passion that comes at night for words, usually happens when I am in my bed, listing to sappy music Reflecting on my day. I feel like I am trying to find my writing niche and see what flows and what doesn’t. 

 

My Alcoholism is a daily disorder I have to be aware of; booze was my coping tool that blinded my eyes from the reality of life. My mind made everybody the enemy; in the midst of my addiction I felt everyone I loved was going to hurt me in the end. Trusting others was very overwhelming and hard to do but that was ingrain in me at an early age. All throughout my childhood and teen years I was hurt by people I loved so that mind stayed with me into my adulthood, I still thought I was in that war zone, in survivor mode. Everything comes back to me and so when I reflect back I can see that the lack of trust was really a lack of trust with myself. I did not trust myself in being able to protect myself. I was never thought how. I didn’t know how to make clear boundaries so know one can hurt me. I did not know how to create a trusting relationship. So I trusted know one. Seeing my mother struggle with relationships mix with her lack of unhealthy advice created this kid that had a screwed up vision of what trust is. So the fear of trust in return caused, uneasy feelings, anxiety. I was unable to build relationships with people, friends and loves.  I am now learning how to build a foundation of trust. I need to learn how to be trusted. I have always been a pretty honest person but once my addiction become that tsunami, my dishonestly came out. So now that I am no longer using I need to work on being honest at all times with others, what I say needs to be met with the action. I need to know that I can trust others and make clear boundaries so I wont be hurt and even if I do get hurt it doesn’t mean everybody will hurt me. I am grateful for the love I feel for myself and for Sober is the New Black

Stay Connect with love, Adolfo.

Sara Bareilles brave is my theme song for Sober is the New Black, enjoy…

 

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