Hello Friends, Two weeks ago I decided to start living my truth. For me the first step in living my truth is to admit that I am an addict but not only admit to others and myself but to really connect with what that means and what role it has played in my life. I need to really understand that magnitude of the mental disorder. I allowed this mental disorder called alcoholism to ruin everything great in my life! Not my profound misfortune growing up. Not my Parents Choices. Not my abusers. Where I am at today was only caused by my choices and not admitting that I have a mental disorder. What is amazing is once you become aware, what seems like a huge challenge becomes a certain defeat over Alcoholism. A person cant become unaware once he is aware. You can never unlearn 1+1=2, you just can’t!! It becomes in grain in your brain.
Because I am aware doesn’t mean I am safe, I need to have tools to help me on the path to staying sober. I know 1+1=2 but I still can write down 3 that’s when choice comes into play. I have to always choose the right answer! Even when this infected mind tells me 3 I have to write down 2. I know Alcoholism is a lot harder than writing a number down but what I am trying to say is it comes down to choices and surroundings. The last few times I tried to get sober I was very dry not dealing with my issues and doing it for the wrong reasons. I wanted to live a normal life like everybody else but just not drink. I didn’t realize that becoming sober was a life-changing thing, a new normal. I wanted to still hangout in bars with friends and still be around it.
It’s impossible to put a starved man in room with amazing yummy foods and tell him to never eat! He will eventually eat. I was a starved, dry and untreated alcoholic that was putting wanting to be normal ahead of my sobriety. I need to be selfish when it comes to being sober. I remember being at friends house and really crying inside the whole time because everybody around me was drinking and I was sitting with a non-alcoholic beer. I was crying inside because I didn’t understand the mind disorder and the body disorder. The ISM, Inside Self and Mind.
Recently since I have gotten sober I have been able to be around booze without being tempted because I am aware of the Mental voice in my head and the minute I start feeling uneasy I have to be selfish and walk away. I used to think that a life without booze isn’t life at all but being sober made me realize I never really stared to live. The thought of never drinking again was such a sad thought that brought me so much pain. So now I just change my thought to being sober is such a new and freeing thing and I can’t wait to see how life is going to be sober! Whether you are an Addict or a normal person, the minute you get a negative thought change your thought and once you do I promise life will change if you let it!
Two weeks sober and loving life! Thank you so much for all the support!
Stay connect with love, Adolfo