Hello Friends, today is day 119 Sober. No cravings, its been a busy work week with some dog sitting. I have the next two days off which will be nice to relax and be back in the downtown la area. I am not a west side boy.
The mind of an addict is where the addiction centers. I have to watch every thought that comes into the round head of mine. I Tend to create stories in my head that than affect my heart. These stories are false stories that are not really happening. Usually its about someone trying to hurt me or do wrong to me. Which isn’t the case but my mind try’s to convince me. You can love me so deeply but I will create this lie in my head.
I know it stems from child abuse. I was constantly being hurt from my parents. Now that I found the root I can dig out the weed. I have to always watch my mind because weeds come back. Self-healing has to be constant in my life like the air I breathe. I need it in my life at all times so I can live. How do you find the root? Sit still and ask yourself questions or if you ever get mad or upset it’s usually a weed caused by past pain. For example if someone says something and I get offended. I go within and ask my self why was that a touchy subject. Not all weeds are easy to spot and might take years.
I am so grateful I can see some of my weeds but I am a desert full of painful weeds, pulling them out one day at a time. I am also planting huge tress of trust and love for myself. No need to fear if others are going to hurt me, I trust myself on letting them go if they do. I will protect myself. People will hurt me but it’s my choice to suffer. Also when I catch my mind making up stories, I have let it go and put me back it the moment. Whether its rubbing my fingers across the wall and focusing on the feeling or taking my shoes off and digging my toes in the sand and focus on the feeling. If might have to tell myself this is the moment not what’s in my head, it’s the feeling of sand on my feet. It will then go away.
Anger spreads like an infection. Wake up, stub a toe and get pissed. Walk out the door beep the horn at people, get the morning coffee be mean to a coffee shop boy than it makes him mad. it ruins his day, spreading like a virus. I have to be aware of how I treat people at all times. The mind weeds can’t overcome me. Becoming self-aware is the one of the biggest gifts sobriety has brought me. Sober is the new black.
Everyone should live their life by the words of this song by Jason Mraz Living in the moment. Addicts and non addicts
Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez