A hello friends, today is day 342 sober. Its 2:48am. I am sitting in my bathtub. Ill probably post this in the afternoon. I felt I needed to get this out before I head to sleep. I’ve always been a very sensitive person. At times I feel like my heart lives on my skin. Being sensitive I believe is a gift. I’m always in tune with my feelings. Compassion flows through me effortless, cautious about taking action, and more carefully considers options and possible outcomes. Being sensitive helps me with my poetry and writing, also at times I feel my five senses are more vivid whether it’s touch, scent, or a beautiful view.
Being sensitive can also be hard at times especially when you are no longer numbing yourself from substance. As a kid I was so sensitive it was hard for me to connect with others. I didn’t have much friends. I was a loner, an introvert closing myself off so I wouldn’t get hurt from others. I was already being hurt at home and a child could only handle so much pain.
Now that I am an adult it seems people harsh comments about my blog or poems could put me in a funk that might last a day. I sometimes feel I have to explain why is it that I am so open about my past addiction. I hope it helps somebody who might be having a hard time believing in sobriety or maybe it might inspire someone to stop using. People can Google day one sober or day 167 sober and sober are the new black will pop up. They can see what I was going through that day and maybe somewhere in that post they can relate or connect, helping in some way. I’m trying to make everyday count in my sobriety. I knew from day one I could never be anonymous. I want to be a voice an advocate for sobriety. By openly sharing my story. Some people who don’t suffer from this disease see addiction as more of a choice, than a metal and body disease. I hope to bring awareness and understanding, that we who suffer never planned on being a addict. Yes active addicts have horrible symptoms and side effects that can lead to criminal acts.
A person shouldn’t be define by their disease or symptoms they are so much more.
My dreams now involve wearing year sober shirts in public so the world can see you can have a past addiction and still achieve dreams that were once unimaginable. Live a happy life. Have love, I might even wear a 5 years sober shirt under my wedding suit because without sober I would not have anything. Making me grateful for every big and small thing I have. Sober is the New Black.
Yesterday someone made a comment that affected me the great portion of the day. Basically stating I wasn’t a real poet. Writing is in my blood and my poems are my purpose. Me being a sensitive person I got hurt and I shed some tears. It brought me down and that voice we all have in our mind made me feel less talented, I wasn’t following the guidelines of making art (which I don’t think there is), I started to question my truth. I did not have a craving because of it, which I am so grateful.
I spoke to a great friend throughout the day who words helped me. I’m publicly showing my poems, sobriety and soon to be book. People are always going to have an opinion. I know some might not like it. I am ok with that but the ones who are just rude I have to ignore. I do believe this blog and poems are connecting with others. I can’t waste energy on people who are committed to not liking or understanding me. I also can’t let others define me or make me question my true self.
I will keep writing, writing, and writing until I’m on my deathbed and even than I’ll have some ideas for my next poems with a pen and paper. Sober is the new black
Here are some Poems I’ve written this past week.
My Addiction Stole people from my life but it needed to happen. So I can do it on my own. Making me beyond grateful to reunite healthy and happy
In order to change you must do the work and feel the pain to understand the lesson
I am always here for my readers if they need help XOXOXO
All poems are my truth, life goes up and down. I’ve experience A lot of dark in my life. When i was younger it seemed i was cursed at love
You and I are not our past. Don’t let childhood define our ambitions.
This poem is about the early stages of being sober. The first few days on the battle field
so this next poem might offend some people and for a moment i was unsure of sharing it. But this is my truth, This blog is raw and i have to be open. I cant sugar coat my past and I have to own every part of my life. Part of my recovery is Moral inventory. Before I moved to la. I was using drugs and booze I was very promiscuous, a floozy, whorish. Writing helps me take out all the dark stuff put it on paper detoxing my soul. I hope by me being honest it could help someone not be ashamed from with they did when they were using drugs or alcohol. Sober is the New Black
Stay Connect with Love, Adolfo Vasquez
Today I will shake off those critics.