Hello friends, today is day 51 sober. I just woke up. Sitting in my PJ’S sipping a cup of coffee. Probably the worst I have ever had. Lenny loves to add tons of cream to a coffee. I am currently listening to Pearl Jam “Breath” its so amazing. Now that I am sober I wake up and everything is brighter from the light reflecting in, to the dust that is floating in the reflect light. I crave the morning smell that awakens me. When I walk outside the grass looks greener and I find myself looking into peoples eyes more and smiling at them. I either get a shocked look back or a nervous grin. Sometimes I get the same stare. I want to give everyone some sort of love in a form of a handshake, smile, affirmation, compliment, or even a thank you. People matter, I matter.
Last night Len and I went to this amazing karaoke bar in Ktown. I am such a girl when it comes to karaoke so we decided dancing needed to happen. We hit up a gay club that is a two story warehouse with three different dance floors, Latin, hip-hop, and pop trance. Before we got in there were 3 non profits trucks outside that are catered to the gay community. I love non-profits; I currently work for one myself. One was free HIV/AIDS testing, you get free entrance to the club so I thought that was cool. The second was a gay men’s sports league that encourage gay men to openly play sports. Helps them find and start leagues that are open. Hopefully gay men in major sports teams will all be free to play openly without feeling shame. The last one I connect with the most and want to start volunteering focuses on alcoholism and addiction in the young generation. They try and bring awareness to kids being self-abusive with drugs and alcohol. Lets try and find healthy fun options. I was talking to a counselor for about 30 minutes before entering the club. I realized my higher power brought me to the club last night to have fun but also my higher brought me there for an AHH Moment, there is more I can be doing. AA is great, Sober is the new black is great but I need some service in my life. So I got his card I will be contacting him shortly to see if I can do any volunteer. Helping others, helps me to stay focus and sober. Sobriety is the key to becoming the Adolfo that has always been inside me waiting for me to open up so it can shine into the world.
I am 51 days old and I feel so happy, I know its not always going to be bliss but I know I can always change my thought process so the suffering time is shorten and hopefully with time last only seconds. I never really stated on here before but I think it pretty obvious that I am a gay sober man. I used to think it was a rare breed but the more I am focus and sober I am seeing its more common then I thought. I need to live in that space always. My new normal. Dancing away last night is a great exercise! I worked up a great sweat only to eat a very unhealthy meal after, some things never change like late night food after a club. Lenny and I were sober the whole night and had such a fun time. It is possible to be fun, a nerd, a bit of sober tease. The bartender did look kind of surprise when we were ordering water and red bulls but I tip him pretty good and explain to him, he understood and was very kind.
So last night I learn clubbing is fun sober, service is needed in my life and also walking out the club sober with my hair and clothing still looking nice, feeling happy and clear minded was a great feeling. When we left i seen mostly everybody looking a drunk mess, vomiting, arguing, making out with strangers, incoherent. It got me thinking why are we so self-abusive and I felt gratefulness that I was no longer part of the culture but without that culture I wouldn’t be who I am today. I am grateful for you reading this and I am grateful for great friends and the Internet! I am posting photos a bit later from last night sober fun!!
Stay connect with love, Adolfo