DAY 11 Sober: Love Letter to Magnolia

Hello world! Today is day 11 and I am feeling so inspired and enjoying each moment of being alive. No cravings today and I am so focus on staying sober. I just left my Ex apartment we had a great talk. I was there to pick up our dog Magnolia ashes. Ill  be keeping her until we decided if we are going to scatter her ashes. 

This blog will be the hardest to write, I can’t get through a word without another tear, I am in this pack coffee shop and I don’t care if people think I am crazy.

I grew up always having dogs; they were my comfort, love, and companion in my childhood, always there to greet me with love know matter what. My family should not have had dogs but in a selfish way I am glad we did.  My parents never really took great care of are dogs, they slept outside, never went to the vet and when they got sick they had to get better on there own or died. It was very traumatize, as a child to make us give away are dogs.  One time we got evicted and we left snuggles in the house with a bunch of food and water and never went back. I still hear her cry till this very day. I believe the neighbor ended up saving her. Snuggles was my best friend in middle school but my mom couldn’t and wouldn’t let me take her. I remember being so young and driving in a dark neighborhood at night with my mom ex and leaving a dog and driving off as I scream and cry. That kind of shit sticks with a kid and that pain is still is painful. I was a kid, I wish I could saved all my best friends from my parents horrible choices…I am sure they have already passed on and I hope they all know how important they were  to me and how I wish I could have given them the best because they gave me so much.

So when I got older I promise myself that I would make up for all the wrongs my parents have done to my best friends. I want to be a good father in the name of all my dogs, we had at least 10 dogs my whole childhood.  So the minute I moved to LA I wanted a dog, I begged my Ex for two years for a dog but he would budge. rightfully so,  he also wanted to give are son/daughter a great life. We fostered dog are first  2 years, which was so fun but also hard giving up the fosters… especially lucky.

Then one rainy day on Jan 24 2013 we decided to visit a shelter and I knew this was it! I finally get my best friend and make up for all those things. We saw a few dogs and came across this 8yearold Aussie shepherd mix. She looked up at us and we both knew she was the one.  Her name at the time was Chrissy and we were informed she was returned 3 times after being adopted. Vince and I (I keep saying EX but his name is Vince) knew she was the one. We named her Magnolia because we had previous talked about are first child would be name Magnolia and she was are first. Magnolia is a street in Burbank that Vince and I had our first date on. We picked her up the following day because we had to prepare for her arrival, I was so excited!!!!!!

 

Then the big day arrived, Jan 25.  We brought her home and she was the best!! She never barked.  That next day I had to travel to palm springs but the whole time I wanted to come back to this family I have always dreamed about.  When I arrived home I notice she was breathing a bit funny and thought it was normal or a cold but it didn’t go away so I made an appointment with a vet.  I remembered Vince staying home and I took her to get checked. Magnolia hated the vet and she was so nervous but I was hugging and kissing her the whole time. So the vet takes her away and does x-rays and blood work.  when she brought maggie back the doctor face said it all. She had lung cancer that was like stage 5 and had spread everywhere with lots of tumors. She told me we can do chemo but Maggie insurance didn’t kick in yet.  I was crying the whole way home and I knew I would have to deliver really bad news to my love, I remember Vince lying down in bed when I told him the news. We both started to cry. This was my chance to finally give a good home to my dog and the universe was taking her away so soon.  So Vince and I decided to get her on a form of chemo right away that can help her breath and we made an appointment for a cancer specialist. Through all of this Maggie was such a good girl!!!!!! She would howl a bit if we left her alone but everything we ever wanted in a dog she was that and more. She was always a happy dog and hated walks. She never liked toys but love peanut butter. She kind of reminded me of Vince. Maggie started to have uncontrollable bowl movements so we took her to see the cancer specialist the next day.  They said they had to run some test on her before they can make game plan. It was going to take a couple hours and a couple grand. So we decided to go grab some lunch, 15 min after we left for lunch the doctor called us saying to come back, I knew in my heart it wasn’t good. We get their and basically told we should put her to sleep. That was the worst feeling knowing there isn’t nothing we can do. So we left with Maggie and we had to go buy diapers and I bought her a rotisserie chicken. Vince and I knew she hated the vet so we talked about having vet come out to us and put her down in her bed; we wanted her last moments on earth to be in her bed.  She hated the diaper so her last night I took it off and she kept licking herself so I stayed up all night holding a wet cloth to her behind to comfort her. So the next day I had to run an errand and Vince called me saying Maggie is hiding in the closet we have to put her down like now. I wanted to wait till the evening. I hurried home.

 

Maggie was in the closet.   The vet came and told us its going to be two injections one will put her in a numb state than the next one would send her off to her next chapter. We put Maggie song on City and Colour: The girl. Vince hold her hand kissing her and I was kissing her head rubbing it saying I love you in her ear as the second injection with in….

 

Magnolia passed on March 4 2013, little over a month of coming into are lives. She passed quietly in her bed surrounded by love.

Magnolia came into are life so Vince and I can give her an exit she deserves. I don’t know her past but I know it wasn’t what she deserved but I believe are month of love erased it all. I am glad Vince and I was able to give that and I am so thankful I had Vince to share that journey with. Magnolia was a fighter, and she fought so hard. It inspires me on a daily basis to fight this battle of addictions. I Know Maggie is on the other side cheering me on and guiding me on the right path to being sober.

 

Magnolia was one of the most amazing souls I’ve come into contact with. I am glad she saw me sober most of the time but I do wish she would have experience the clear-minded Adolfo but I know she does from the other side. Maggie where ever you are I want you to know you did great things in this life and brought so much joy and love to a lot of people who came in contact with you. You gave me strength, hope, love and courage to fight every day to become who I want to be.  You really adopt me .. There is really know others words that I can say except I love you, I love you , I love you… RIP My daughter until we meet again. 

My daugther

My daugther

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