DAY 83 Sober: New friends and Old friends

Hello friends, today is day 83 sober. It’s been a great day, I have my only day off tomorrow, so I need to try and cram everything in. Today I’ll be writing away but first dinner with a friend. Burgers in Larchmont it is, I love Larchmont its like a hidden gem. I haven’t seen this person in awhile so I am excited to catch up. Next week I start my seasonal job, so I am excited to be making some serious money again. A lot of free time will be gone because I’ll continue to work at the nonprofit. Two jobs will be temporary. When I look back on my old spending habits, most of my savings went to booze. My bills were always paid over booze but whatever was left over was spent on partying. I once took a trip to Palm Springs and spent around one thousand dollars on a week long party, I was wasted the whole time. My account now days look a lot nicer. I am learning how to save.

 

 Yesterday at work, I notice a lady who was a bit sad. She is a regular I talk to, time to time. I am very sensitive and notices people energy right away. I now live In a state of wanting to listen and help so I went over and asked if she was ok, she just utter a few words, she said a “man Is breaking my heart.” I too recently went through a break up and saw here pain so it hit me and I started to cry with her. I didn’t expect that. I gave her a huge and told her to get up. I told her she is amazing, it will pass and to never close the heart because if you do that other person wins. I went home and couldn’t sop thinking of her, so I wrote her two poems. I gave them to her today, she was so grateful and we hugged again, we are going to get coffee soon. It does not take a lot out of me to listen and try to understand someone who might live differently than me but we all can relate to hurt. I hope I can help others. That’s my mission is to inspire others that might not be inspired.

 

In the middle of the night I get some amazing ideas for poems so now I sleep next to a note pad and pen so I can write them down, I am afraid ill lose them in my sleep. My goal is to write at least one poem a day, anywhere from love to addiction. I need to collect the ones I have already written down and get them printed, so I can show the publisher. I have poems written everywhere from napkins to scraps of paper, IPhone and my work computer. I am in a constant state of inspiration. The two poems below I created today, one is about not got giving up and one is very short but it’s about doing what is necessary to heal. Sober is the new black. I am grateful for work, love, and new friends, old friends and for my passion for sobriety .

 

Stay connect with love,  Adolfo

 

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DAY 64 Sober: Keep on Keep on

Hello Friends today is day 64 sober, My sleep was not the best last night, I stayed up tossing and turing a bit. My mind was going and going. So I am a bit sleepy today but no midday naps today, going to stay up and head to bed early. I finish a few of my poems yesterday for my series, very excited to share once I finish the rest. So after work ill be heading to my new favorite coffee shop. My goal is to finish 3, the series is 12. All about my struggle with addiction. Still no cravings or missing the booze. I am trying to stay in the moment with positive thoughts and thats been helping. People are asking me about my 12 step program, yes i do have a program i am working and its the foundation of my recovery and i add other spiritual practices to help. Steps 1, 2 ,3  I do every day and I am currently on step four. Step four for me is taking a bit longer and I know am exactly were I need to be in my recovery. Surrounded with positive people and positive vibes. Removing everything toxic.

My previous attempt to get sober was very painful and I fought tooth and nail to not accept the fact that i was an addict. I believe I had a drinking issue and once i healed my past issues than I can drink. I didn’t  know that thinking was the untreated Alcoholism talking, trying to survive. Glad I am now self Aware of the Alcoholism in my mind and it that helps me with the steps. Steps are very clear once my mind is clear. Sober is the new Black. I am grateful for life,  12 steps and for having a clear mind.

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

DAY 59 Sober: Family Weekend

Hello Friends, Today is day 59 sober, a day away from two months. I am on my lunch break. Its beautiful day, the sun is shining and it’s a warm day. Got back to LA late last night, I was visiting my hometown Palm Springs. I had such an amazing time sober, I got to see A lot of my family, ate some great food and had a great time connecting with everyone sober. It gets hard being away from loved ones.  I know once gray hair starts to grow, I will move near my family or get a second home if I were to be that lucky. Life is very short. I didn’t blog as much over the weekend  because I wanted to be with the family at every moment of the day. I arrived Friday spent sometime time shopping with the family than headed to the club at night to dance away. Red bull, water, and a couple of cigs were on the menu for my night out. I did not have any  cravings at all.  

My grandma Mary had a 60-surprise bday; it was amazing seeing her expression when she walked through the door. Now that I am sober I can appreciate the moments more and also live in the moments. It was a party for 80 so it was a bit stressful. I did not help out as much as the others, I was to busy messing around with the kids. The food was perfection. On Sunday I slept most of the day, there is nothing more comforting than sleeping in your mothers bed, in a dark room, really cold. Most of Sunday was sleeping than we baked banana bread. The drive back as well as the drive to was filled with great conversation with my aunt. 

All in all it was the best trip so far. I can’t wait to visit again. Going back home is great, Being home also brought me a bit of sadness seeing someone very close suffering with addiction, I sometimes question how to help that person. I had to learn on my own but I also had tough love. Seeing that person talk and walk reminds me so much of myself. The constant sorrys that never end. I know that person wants to stop but not knowing how too. I am so early in my recovery, so I feel like my advice can be unworthy for this person. Since this person is such a big part of my heart I only want the best advice for him. I do try and talk to him but it doesn’t connect and he is always trying to prove me wrong. It’s a very touchy subject with my immediate family so I don’t want to push any buttons. I don’t even think that person even reads my blog. I  worry quite a bit because I know what the 2 outcomes are if  he doesn’t quit. Ill just pray away. I was the split image of him. I know with every cell in my body I will never drink, for me and for the others who are suffering in my family. I have to be strong and show them that it can be something treat able and for my dog Maggie who passed away in the midst of my Addiction. Sober is the new black.

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

Here are some photos from my Weekend home 

 

 

 

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DAY 55 Sober: Now and Then

Hello friends today is day 55 sober, 5 more days away from 2 months. I am so grateful Ive made it this far.  There are some key differences this time around getting sober. When I stop drinking in the past I wanted to just stop drinking that’s it, I believe I had the power to live the same life, hangout out in the same places,  just stop the drinking not work on the cause. I Did not fully accept I was an addict. I thought I could eventually portion control my booze.  I did not understand that everything negative in my life was caused by my drinking.  I was Ashamed and Embarrassed to speak up about my Addiction and wanted know one to know. I did not understand That Alcohol-ISM (Inside Self & Mind) is a disorder that acts out when you are not treating it with Alcohol. The disorder will convince you to lie, cheat, steal to get booze. I was unaware that the voice in my head wasn’t me it was the ISM. It sounded like me, knew what story to tell me to get me to a bar.  I also didn’t know how to surrender to my Higher Power, as I understood it to be. I did  not realize that the my addiction stems from my childhood, booze helped me cope with life.  I was an addict before i took my first drink. 

I am so grateful my eyes are clear and Not only do I understand those things mention, I truly feel it in my bones and every cell of my body. Now the smell and sight of Alcohol makes me nauseous. Gives me a bitter taste of vomit and there is know longer an emotional attachment. I know ill never drink or crave booze but since I am not treating the ISM disorder (Inside self & Mind) it can resurface in my life in other ways, so I have to watch my mind, my feelings, and my thoughts.  Everything about my life has to change, if I used to walk on the right side of the street I now walk on the left side. 

This weekend I’ll be heading back home to Palm Springs, CA. I am very excited to see my family and friends. It feels good going back to my roots sober and clear minded. Other healing trip for me! I love walking down the same streets in a new character, A new me, A better me. A stronger me.

I am grateful for life, for my clear mind, my family, and for Sober is the New Black

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

This photo is my 4am at work face

4am sober face

4am sober face

DAY 32 Sober: False Identity

Hello friends today is my 32 days sober and I am very grateful! The Alcohol-ISM (Inside Self & Mind) has been very persistent when it comes to my feelings one minute I am happy and the next I am sad. The Alcohol-ISM is feeding my mind of thoughts that consist of the past. I need to realize that the person in the past was never I, It was a false Identity created by my past and the booze! It doesn’t make the pain I caused people any less or me not taking responsibility for what I’ve done but the person that I was 32 days age was not me one bit.

I am still evolving and learning at the moment. I used to worry that other people might judge or still view me as that person but that was a false Identity, false character. That was never really I. Those actions would have never happen if I were sober. So knowing that helps me let go of the guilt and shame that is necessary to grow into the person that has always been inside of you and me. It takes work to not let the Alcohol-ISM Take over your thoughts and mind but once you become aware that the voice in your head is not you, not only that but that the voice wants to destroy everything great in your life than it becomes easier to detect and when its easier to detect then you shut it down. So the real you can blossom into your true identity. 

So what causes a false Identity? I believe that their two aspects of false Identity. First the childhood than its how we process traumas in is life. What happens in the outside world affects us on the inside. It creates are opinions, are beliefs, are judgments, how we treat are self’s and others. How we value stuff over other stuff. What we look for in people. Why we get angry, why we get sad and jealous. What makes us feel good? What creates pleasure? 

So for me to evolve and grow I have to go back and connect the dots from my childhood and trauma too my thoughts. I have to make a list of the childhood trauma, adult trauma, what I’ve down wrong, and my thoughts that create feelings that hurt.  write them down and once I connect the dots put them on a self because it might resurface if I didn’t heal correctly. I know I cant heal it all in one day so the ones I cant connect at the moment I leave them on the list because one day Ill see that path and pattern.  I am grateful for 32 days sober and for everybody taking time to read my blog.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

DAY 29 SOBER: Alcohol-ISM (Inside Self & Mind)

Hello friends, today is day 29 sober and so far it has been an amazing unproductive day. I’ve been relaxing all day, feels good not having plans. I would like to have no plans more often.  I am a day away from a month and as each day passes my want for booze is fading and my want for an amazing new life gets stronger. No cravings today except for some fast food but I told my self no, I wanted a whole shift in my mind, body and soul. I need to put healthy stuff in my body so my mind works at 100 percent and I need to make sure to get enough sleep. Your body knows when it needs sleep, so take a nap and recharge! I am in love with midday naps. I will take it over sex any day! Not only is my mind becoming self aware and I am starting to see patterns that were created from my childhood but my body is also changing. I feel great and clothes are fitting me a lot better. 

 

Alcoholism centers in my mind and body not it the booze itself so once you become aware on the ISM(Inside Self &Mind) that voice that talks to you to convince you to drink than you can stop it! In time it gets easier. It’s like your mind is a muscle the more you work it the stronger it is. No voice, place, person, situation can take away my sobriety this time around. You have to become self aware, detox from the booze allow the body (ISM) to appear with the withdrawals and cravings. Once you stop drinking than you are left with untreated alcoholism because you are not treating it with its meds (booze) so that’s when its get hard and your mind goes a bit crazy, Temper, annoyed, hurt, sad, anger, lying to get the booze, denial just drinking wine or beer. Ill stop the hard liquor. Or ill just drink at night. Maybe just on Mondays. It will try and convince you because this mental disorder/parasite of a kind needs to thrive and stay alive. Also the metal disorder will come out in physical pain to try and get you to drink, night sweats, body aches, body itch’s, seizures, this is the body (ISM).  So how do you go from untreated Alcohol-ISM to treating it without booze? For me treating my disorder is a daily thing because it never goes away that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy because you can it just takes work and time. So I treat my Alcohol-ISM by becoming self-aware of my issues and try and heal old wounds, positive thinking, surrendering to a higher power, loving people and learning how to love myself, meditation, start new healthy hobbies, find a form of AA that works for ME, Change everything about my life if you walked on the right-side of the street start walking on the left side, you’ll start to see the street from a different angle thus see the world from a different level. Make new normal that consist of laughter, joy, gratefulness, and acceptance.

 

What’s the most incredible thing is it can end today and your life can change in a second a whole new normal and amazing normal. Once you accept that Alcoholism is a living ISM that centers in your mind and body than you can become aware of it so then you can start treating it! Also you stop admitting and start accepting the truth that your are an Addict but truly understand what role it has played in your life and connect it to your heart and realize that your life today is the direct result of your choices, no one else! Just you! Not the past, not the abuser, not your parents, not that story you’ve told your mind over and over and even told others.

 

It’s a hard thing to grasp because we are so used to the past creating how we see the world and others. It’s a proven fact that if you start thinking differently than your cells and DNA starts to change, so you are no longer that story, your old self.  You are now who you choose to be at the moment. You are your current thoughts. I am proof! I am in tears when I write this because for the past 29 days I wake up happy, excited for life, passion for long term goals. I see people differently and I have had some stressful moments but with my clear mind I let it go I surrender it to the universe. I DONT EVER NAME MY HIGHER POWER ON HERE BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE IT HAS TO BE THE SAME AS MINE TO GET SOBER, NO IT DOESN’T, WHATEVER HIGHER POWER YOU CONSIDER IT TO BE IN YOUR LIFE, GOD, UNIVERSE, MOON, SUN, A DOOR, A BUDDAH, A BLOW DYRER. There are plenty of roads to Rome you just have to find a road that is connecting to your heart and that works with your life.

 

I found my new normal and I love it. Cut everything out of your life that is unhealthy including love ones if you have to. You sobriety is number one because with out it nothing really matters and without sobriety you do not have anything inducing yourself.  

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

DAY 18 Sober: Reflecting

Hello Friends Today is my 18-day sober and I am feeling really good. I’ve been writing and keeping my thoughts in check. I wake up now still sleepy but excited for the day! Alcoholism is something I struggled with since my early 20’s. My addiction progress from a few drunken arguments and endless amounts of puking into Crashing cars and Arrest, I started to realize that alcoholism isn’t in the booze it centers in the mind of the addict. It cant go away but I believe we can become self aware and the disorder can loose its power and we can gain control over are minds and body. The disorder also lives in the body and craves the booze and creates the withdrawals, the mind for me is where my Alcoholism is most effective.

 

 Alcoholism kills everything alive and Preserves everything that is dead in my life. It stunts my growth and kept me from living a joyful life but the beauty is that I am aware of it now.  I have to make the right choices and surround myself with the positive energy.  As I get closer to my 30days I get filled with gratitude that I was able to get to this moment alive and without seriously injuring someone. I know that if I continue to stay on the sober path the universe will open doors for me. Addiction is very hard but it doesn’t matter how low your bottom is or how bad your story is you can always create a new one.

Thank you again for reading Sober is the new Black!

Stay connect with love, Adolfo