DAY 32 Sober: False Identity

Hello friends today is my 32 days sober and I am very grateful! The Alcohol-ISM (Inside Self & Mind) has been very persistent when it comes to my feelings one minute I am happy and the next I am sad. The Alcohol-ISM is feeding my mind of thoughts that consist of the past. I need to realize that the person in the past was never I, It was a false Identity created by my past and the booze! It doesn’t make the pain I caused people any less or me not taking responsibility for what I’ve done but the person that I was 32 days age was not me one bit.

I am still evolving and learning at the moment. I used to worry that other people might judge or still view me as that person but that was a false Identity, false character. That was never really I. Those actions would have never happen if I were sober. So knowing that helps me let go of the guilt and shame that is necessary to grow into the person that has always been inside of you and me. It takes work to not let the Alcohol-ISM Take over your thoughts and mind but once you become aware that the voice in your head is not you, not only that but that the voice wants to destroy everything great in your life than it becomes easier to detect and when its easier to detect then you shut it down. So the real you can blossom into your true identity. 

So what causes a false Identity? I believe that their two aspects of false Identity. First the childhood than its how we process traumas in is life. What happens in the outside world affects us on the inside. It creates are opinions, are beliefs, are judgments, how we treat are self’s and others. How we value stuff over other stuff. What we look for in people. Why we get angry, why we get sad and jealous. What makes us feel good? What creates pleasure? 

So for me to evolve and grow I have to go back and connect the dots from my childhood and trauma too my thoughts. I have to make a list of the childhood trauma, adult trauma, what I’ve down wrong, and my thoughts that create feelings that hurt.  write them down and once I connect the dots put them on a self because it might resurface if I didn’t heal correctly. I know I cant heal it all in one day so the ones I cant connect at the moment I leave them on the list because one day Ill see that path and pattern.  I am grateful for 32 days sober and for everybody taking time to read my blog.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

DAY 31 Sober: Loved and Loneliness

Hello Friends today is 31 days sober and I am so grateful for all the love I am getting from all over the world.  31 days ago I started Sober is the New Black and I did not expect this level of  support and love. I wake up excited for life and its hard me to fall asleep because life has been so amazing. I do have my moments of weakness were the Alcoholism comes out and tells me a sad story, the story is not one from childhood but its one from my last relationship. Its feeds me fear and thoughts of him with some else. My Alcohol-ISM puts thoughts in my head like what if I do this. In consumes my thoughts for a while causing me pain that is felt so deep it physical. 

 

So what I am realizing is I need to go back and self dissect my childhood starting with the beginning and connect the dots to my thoughts today. It will be hard but I need to free myself from the story of my profound misfortunate childhood. Breaks up are hard but also getting clean from addiction at the same time is kind of unbearable at times but what has helped me so much has been this blog, the support, being grateful, positive thoughts, and knowing the only love I need in life is the love for myself than love from others will follow.

 

Yesterday was so amazing at the same time it was very hard because I wanted to celebrate with a particular person but I couldn’t. Not sure why I wanted to spend it with him, Maybe I just wanted a hug or to feel someone else, it’s been awhile.  I am told old for a fling and I am attractive to connection over anything else but I think the reason for me wanting to spend yesterday with this one person is of course I miss him and still love him but I want him to get to know me and my heart now that I am in a amazing place. And maybe get some redemption. Kind of ironic I had so much love and support but still felt extreme loneliness. Yesterday I realized I still need to heal from the break up and from certain childhood trauma’s that make me feel such loneliness. So the next 30 days I will be going deep into the childhood trauma to reflect, connect the dots and heal!

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

DAY 30 Sober: Film and an Oscar

Hello Friends today has been such an amazing 30 DAY sober! I have so much love and support around me! I am so grateful! Sober is the new black for me. Today I filled my day with Film and writing both things I love so much. I also bought myself a gift to keep my eyes on the prize of sobriety. I bought a Best Actor Oscar because I believe in my heart one day ill have one. I am going to put it on my shelf  so every time I leave my house I see my long term goal. For my 3o days I get an oscar!!!!

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

My first Oscar!

My first Oscar!

DAY 29 SOBER: Alcohol-ISM (Inside Self & Mind)

Hello friends, today is day 29 sober and so far it has been an amazing unproductive day. I’ve been relaxing all day, feels good not having plans. I would like to have no plans more often.  I am a day away from a month and as each day passes my want for booze is fading and my want for an amazing new life gets stronger. No cravings today except for some fast food but I told my self no, I wanted a whole shift in my mind, body and soul. I need to put healthy stuff in my body so my mind works at 100 percent and I need to make sure to get enough sleep. Your body knows when it needs sleep, so take a nap and recharge! I am in love with midday naps. I will take it over sex any day! Not only is my mind becoming self aware and I am starting to see patterns that were created from my childhood but my body is also changing. I feel great and clothes are fitting me a lot better. 

 

Alcoholism centers in my mind and body not it the booze itself so once you become aware on the ISM(Inside Self &Mind) that voice that talks to you to convince you to drink than you can stop it! In time it gets easier. It’s like your mind is a muscle the more you work it the stronger it is. No voice, place, person, situation can take away my sobriety this time around. You have to become self aware, detox from the booze allow the body (ISM) to appear with the withdrawals and cravings. Once you stop drinking than you are left with untreated alcoholism because you are not treating it with its meds (booze) so that’s when its get hard and your mind goes a bit crazy, Temper, annoyed, hurt, sad, anger, lying to get the booze, denial just drinking wine or beer. Ill stop the hard liquor. Or ill just drink at night. Maybe just on Mondays. It will try and convince you because this mental disorder/parasite of a kind needs to thrive and stay alive. Also the metal disorder will come out in physical pain to try and get you to drink, night sweats, body aches, body itch’s, seizures, this is the body (ISM).  So how do you go from untreated Alcohol-ISM to treating it without booze? For me treating my disorder is a daily thing because it never goes away that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy because you can it just takes work and time. So I treat my Alcohol-ISM by becoming self-aware of my issues and try and heal old wounds, positive thinking, surrendering to a higher power, loving people and learning how to love myself, meditation, start new healthy hobbies, find a form of AA that works for ME, Change everything about my life if you walked on the right-side of the street start walking on the left side, you’ll start to see the street from a different angle thus see the world from a different level. Make new normal that consist of laughter, joy, gratefulness, and acceptance.

 

What’s the most incredible thing is it can end today and your life can change in a second a whole new normal and amazing normal. Once you accept that Alcoholism is a living ISM that centers in your mind and body than you can become aware of it so then you can start treating it! Also you stop admitting and start accepting the truth that your are an Addict but truly understand what role it has played in your life and connect it to your heart and realize that your life today is the direct result of your choices, no one else! Just you! Not the past, not the abuser, not your parents, not that story you’ve told your mind over and over and even told others.

 

It’s a hard thing to grasp because we are so used to the past creating how we see the world and others. It’s a proven fact that if you start thinking differently than your cells and DNA starts to change, so you are no longer that story, your old self.  You are now who you choose to be at the moment. You are your current thoughts. I am proof! I am in tears when I write this because for the past 29 days I wake up happy, excited for life, passion for long term goals. I see people differently and I have had some stressful moments but with my clear mind I let it go I surrender it to the universe. I DONT EVER NAME MY HIGHER POWER ON HERE BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE IT HAS TO BE THE SAME AS MINE TO GET SOBER, NO IT DOESN’T, WHATEVER HIGHER POWER YOU CONSIDER IT TO BE IN YOUR LIFE, GOD, UNIVERSE, MOON, SUN, A DOOR, A BUDDAH, A BLOW DYRER. There are plenty of roads to Rome you just have to find a road that is connecting to your heart and that works with your life.

 

I found my new normal and I love it. Cut everything out of your life that is unhealthy including love ones if you have to. You sobriety is number one because with out it nothing really matters and without sobriety you do not have anything inducing yourself.  

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

DAY 28 Sober: Clint Eastwood video

Hello friends Day 28 sober, My friday night will consist of me cleaning my apartment which has been disregard for the past week . Ive been wiring and have not had time for anything expect the few hours of sleep, work, film, writing, bathroom, and a meal! so next week I have to find a balance and maybe a social life. So tonight I start by cleaning and listing to some music Before I end i wanted to upload  a video that I shot from last night LA film festival. The audio is so bad so you need to turn up your volume but I had to upload it! Its one of those moments that will be with me forever, Glad I was in the right state of mind to be grateful. I looked up to this man my whole life I never thought coming from were i did ill be sitting in the same room with him. Sobriety is a beauty!

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

DAY 27 Sober: Jersey Boy Clint Eastwood

Hello friends . I just left the film 1000 times good night and a staff member just handed me a free voucher for a Clint Eastwood new film Jersey boy.. So that means ill be in the same room with Clint Eastwood watching his film that hasn’t been released! Before I left my apartment I wasn’t even sure ill be able to see it let alone see it for free. Ill be watching with the cast ..Such an amazing gift from the universe, I am so grateful, and to Vince for this amazing experience. Sober is the new black!

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

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DAY 26 Sober: Film Festival Dinner

Hello  friends just took a break in between films. I needed some food. This festival so far has inspired me to start  filming shorts. Going to check out a local camera store and start investing in my dreams.  Now that i am sober My passion for film and writing is coming back and its coming back like a flood! I deprived myself  for so long that my list is so long but one thing at a time. I am currently at toms urban having some comfort food with a diet coke! Last time i was here it was a mess! Cravings are not in my space.

I saw a film called Club Sandwich from Mexico. It was a bit slow for my taste and I don’t mind slow but even my triple shot  macchiato could not keep me up but the end got really good Overall uncertain terms takes the cake so far. About to close out and head to watch a film called MAN FROM RENO its a crime, mystery, thriller from Japan. 

 

Comfort food!

Comfort food!