1 Year Sober

Today is one year sober; today I feel nothing but gratitude. A sense of self-awareness I have never felt before. In one year I’ve learned more about me than in the 28 years of living. What I’ve learned in one year sober is I am not my past, my mistakes, and my past addiction. I’m whom I choose to be today, in this moment.

A year ago today, I was sitting on a mattress on the floor in a new apartment, I’d lost the love of my life because of my addiction, and I was ashamed and embarrassed. Little hope, lost with no purpose or sense of direction.

Today every aspect of my life is amazing, like I am walking in a dream. I see the world with different eyes. Eyes that is clear and filled with hope and compassion.

Sobriety does not fix everything but it allows me to have a clear mind so I could fix my life. The first few weeks into sobriety my emotions were up and down. Happy, Sad, Hopeful, defeated, angry, confused, blissful, inspired, sobriety allowed me to feel life on life terms.

The list of gifts sobriety has brought into my life are endless. Surrendering everything to the power greater than myself has been beyond rewarding, it taught me a word called forgiveness. Forgiving everything including forgiveness for myself.

Sobriety put purpose in my writing. I heal through my art. Hopefully inspiring others to heal through art. I now see love in all aspects of my life. When I was using I was blind from the love that surrounded me. I was caught in my mind that created false stories that brought me pain so I would use, creating a vicious cycle of using.

Now I see love so big, I feel love so much it’s as if my heart going to explode.

The ISM in Alcoholism is Alcohol-Inside Self & Mind. My disease centered in my mind creating the body craving. I had to become aware of the mind voice. Once I was able separate the voice from my True self. I could stop the voice dead in its tracks. The voice would speak to me like just have one more drink or only wine. The voice would bring up my past; you had such a bad childhood, you should be angry, he’s cheating on you, blah blah on and on. How dare you, you offended me, blah, blah on and on.

The voice sounded like me, it knew what to say to get me to the next drink.

I’m stronger than the voice because I’m aware of my true-self. My true-self is stronger. I can shut it down. if it starts feeding me negative thoughts from my past.

Today I woke up happy, aware, with purpose; fire in my heart to create art, wanting to be a better me. Still working on love for myself and compassion for others. Staying open to learning new things. Sober is the new black.

I want to say thank you to the readers of sober is the new black. That allowed me to share my journey. There are no words that i can write down to show my gratitude. Thank you friends with more days sober who are my teachers and thank you friends with less days sober who my inspiration.

Sober is the New Black will continue on, my book will be out at the end of this year also an apparel line. Sobriety brings dreams that seemed unimaginable. God bless and until next time. Going to turn off my computer for the day and just live!!!!!! Seeing new sights with these clean and sober eyes.

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

This video below was one year in the making. Hope it inspires.

 

 

one year sober

 

adolfo vasquez adolfo vasquez

 

adolfo vasquez

Special thanks to Roxy Shih for the video

Vincent Sandoval for Photography

Stay connected with love Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 196 Sober: Oprah

Hello Friends, today is day 196 sober. Had a great week did not write as much, but I had to take a little break for a minute, some soul searching and letting go. My last post was from a hurt sober me, today I sit here, not hurt and still sober. It’s a beautiful thing to deal with pain sober I heal faster and stronger and everything is a lot clearer with my best interest. Tonight I will be attending an art show in downtown LA; a friend has some her work on display. Got some new shoes and pants, of course, black. The last few days I’ve been letting go of wanting the outcome with my ex to be different. Did some soul research and came to conclusion my life is Greater than one break up and my life will go on and thrive. I am not lacking without him because I have all in need within myself. He was a lesson I needed to learn so I can become a better me. I feel so much peace, and find myself laughing more, finding peace in staying home. Very grateful my higher power guided me back to a peaceful place with a great lesson learned. Once you let go the universe will render, on that note I will stay single until my year sober. Me time but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy others company, meet a cool guy but nothing serious, a movie buddy.

 

Very quite and simple Sunday will consist of me reading all day at my favorite coffee shop and a meeting.

 

Oprah is someone I look to so I can find tools to help me reach my full potential. There are some videos; one is definition of forgiveness that I have to re-watch at time’s and the second is about mistake’s both so powerful, and I hope it helps some out there who might be struggling with mistakes they have made and forgiving oneself. We all have infinite possibility despite are mental disorder addiction; Addicts that are in recovery are the strongest people I’ve ever known. Sober is the New Black

 

 

 

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

 

 

 

DAY 98 Sober: Forgiving my parents Oprah Way

Hello friends, its day 98 sober. It’s has been a busy day but feeling very grateful for this sober mind that helps me get through the day. Around this time in the past I would be past out drunk, so glad I have more hours in my day to create from within. I have started working my second job, I am so grateful for it. The hours, pay and environment are great. It’s a type of job with tons of deadlines and pressure but I’ve done it for years and use to it. The difference this year is I am sober. In the past it was ok to have a drink and work, maybe even a bottle of wine or some Macallan 12. Now it will be a total different experience. Some Pellegrino or coffee will do.I don’t miss the feeling or even the taste of booze; the only thing I miss is hanging out, the social aspect, meeting new peeps. Right now I just don’t have the time to be out, I have a few things in the works for Sober is the New Black. I do miss the bar food, I am a huge foodie.

 

On my way to this café in Koreatown I was looking out the window and seen this guy who appeared to be homeless stumbling around with a beer bottle in his hand, this disorder is real and I have to always be aware of the mind disorder. I felt empathy because the only thing that separates me from him is my sobriety. I am glad I am aware of what will happen if I pick up again. I am one drink away from death so I can’t have a next drink.

 

Today I spoke to my real mom on the phone and for the first time, I had no anger for her or hate. I felt love, it was weird because in the past I would be really annoyed or short temper when see called. I am learning how to forgive her and not really for her but for me. I need to happy and I wont if I carry hate for my parents. Forgiveness takes time. Not only do I want to forgive them I want a relationship. I want them to know me and I now them, If they want. My mom was a bit upset when I started this blog but now she understand this blog wasn’t about her it was about me healing. No matter how many times I was abused by my parents I still long for a friendship. My parents are also addicts so going through my addiction has brought me a deep understanding of my parents. My mom isn’t in the best place but I know she is working for a better tomorrow. I still have a bit of fear when I see my dad, when I see him I get nervous and say only a few words. It will take some more work but I would like to be friends with my father. I am also realizing I don’t really need parents in my life. Everything I need is in me; I just got to create love, joy, security, passion and growth. I can create friendships with others by being the best me and attracting that in my life. I just hope my parents find the serenity I do in this moment. Sober is the new Black.

 

I have to share this video from Oprah Winfrey again it Change the way I forgive, so powerful and i hope it helps

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

 

DAY 65 Sober: Giving up hope that the past could be any different

Hello Friends its the end of day 65 sober, I am currently in bed and usually this is the time I reflect on myself. Forgiving myself  is probably the hardest part of my recovery. I know I cant go back and prevent the tears, fears, anger, loss of  people time. The court dates, the keying of the car, the drunken threats. The heartbreaks, the drunken fights, the lying, the deceitfulness, the not caring, the selfishness, the un-ability to see love and also forgiveness for my parents.

I came across this video a moment ago, that  opened my inner being in understanding what forgiveness means: Giving up hope that the past could be any different. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for Oprah,  my healing tears and for becoming self aware. 

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

DAY 61 Sober: How to Silence the Mind with Eckhart Tolle

Hello Friends, today is day 61 sober. I had a Great 3 hour nap. Sleep is such a powerful gift I can give my mind and body. My body knows when its sleepy, so if even if its kind of late I give that to my body because It knows when it needs rest. I need to have a clear mind and body at all times and if I am not well rested than the body and mind cant be fully aware. I have the next two days off. Just a work meeting but my goal is to finish the Long read of my childhood. It’s been hard and taking quite a bit tears and time but it’s almost done. I also want to start a Series of Poems. So coffee will be my best friend the next two days.

 

I  use my days off to recharge my soul; like cleansing from the chaos of the past days and one of the tools I use is spiritual teachers, one being Eckhart Tolle. He helps me clear my mind so I can go deep and work the steps. I’ve been reading Eckhart Tolle for years and I do believe I have always been somewhat of a self-aware person but I didn’t know how to follow through with it and did not want to stop drinking.  Now that I am sober I find myself connecting with his words a lot deeper and understanding it a lot clearer. This video helps me clear my mind and brings me to my inner divine. Hope this helps others. Sober is the New Black

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

Day 49 Sober: Fridays with Oprah Winfrey

Hello friends coming to my end of 49 days sober. My previous Fridays used to consist of drunken blurs surrounded by others but now I find myself  alone often , soul searching, writing, reading, and trying to figure out my issues. Fridays are my peace days. The chaos that comes with the week comes to an end and I am now well rested, ready for the weekend. Fridays are my time to reflect on how I can improve my awareness of my Body and mental disorder called Alcoholism for the following week. Sober is the New Black has been a great tool . I learned that if I don’t get enough sleep I could become very unhappy at work! I really need to get sleep or learn how to coupe with not getting enough sleep. Learning how to coupe with tried-ness without the booze is a bit hard but I am glad I am aware enough to fix it. 

Fridays will now be my soul-searching days to guide me to a sober weekend ahead! Instill some courage, joy, and self-awareness is really fulfilling. The drunken blackouts, chaos, self abusive, not dealing with my issues, not dealing with feelings, hurting loved ones, vomiting my booze only to make room for more, eating nothing so I can get a quick buzz and not eating to stay drunk, waking up with body pain and mental pain only to do it all over again Saturday is not soul fulfilling anymore. I am starting to see the beauty in a quite night, I don’t want to sound like an introvert prude that doesn’t enjoy being around people but I need these Fridays to reflect so I can be a fun loving person dancing away with others in a night club. I do enjoy a great dance!

Sobriety is bringing me an understanding of what validation means in my life . I love hearing shares. To understand them without opinions or judgments. To really connect with their words and feelings. Show compassion and empathy without a single thought of deposition. I am not my brothers’ keeper; I am brother so when he suffers I suffer. I got a tattoo a couple years ago subconsciously not fully understanding the meaning but now I get it! Now I fully connect with it. Its in a shape of a heart and it reads “I am you, you are me we are one” For me I see it as we both are separate identities but when you take away all are individual beauty that’s make us all amazing, I feel we find a common thread that connects each other souls. I want to live in that space always!

 

Oprah shows on her own network have been such a help in giving me advice and tools to implement in my life, I know people have their on views on her but I enjoy adding spiritual stuff to my life also with my program, It works for me and keeps me sober! And staying sober has to be me my number love in my life. The rest will fellow!

 

Here is a video that helps me with understanding how to disconnect from my past story my mind tells me about in my present!

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

DAY 13 Sober: My Dreams

Hello my friends! I am a day away from 2 weeks sober and I cant believe how much my life has changed in two weeks the world just opened up with possibilities that I never thought could or would ever happen. I am ever so grateful; my goal is to always live in a state of gratefulness. There is so much I want to start doing since I got sober, Get a bike, Volunteer, Dance more, write more. Those are some of my short-term goals! 

Some of my long-term goals I’ve always carried into my adulthood from childhood but my Alcoholic mind kept them hidden from my Reality are Film and television. They saved my life growing up! It took me away form reality into a Fantasyland for 2hrs, nothing around me matter in those moments. Film and Television gave me hope and also thought me so much. I learn so much from the Oprah show! TV and film was my parent. There were several days I would watch film after film after film, laughing and crying. I would spend all day at a one-dollar movie theater. I grew up with TV from Mickey Mouse Club, to Barney, to Power Rangers, to Friends, to Oprah, Ellen and now American Horror Story. I still till this day request days off of work for the Oscars, GG, Emmys and SAG awards (or call in). When I was a kid I would recreate scenes in my room and even recreate an alternate ending.  I knew in my heart at very young age film and TV is where ill end up one day, I did not care if was a background, grip, writer, director, craft service. If I can work on film or show that can inspire a kid like me then my job is done in life. I cant in vision a higher dream then to be part of a film or show that inspire youth to dream big and help them hold on for a bit longer because life eventually happen and life is such a beautiful thing. For me it’s only that way if I continue to stay sober. 

My first acting performance was in fourth grade in Ms. George class with a fellow actor. I forgot the scene. I eventually started drama class in middle school through sophomore year. My first play was Annie and of course I played sandy (Annie dog) I was the best damn sandy there was! In high school I made drama honors in Miss Douglass class and that’s when the reality of my childhood caught up with my dreams. Sophomore year my family and I became homeless once again but this time it affected my school. I was in honors and college prep class for English and drama. I was getting academic awards but I needed to work ASAP. I remember sleeping in back of taco bell in Indio California. Finally my drama teacher Ms. Douglass pulled me into the office kind of scolding me saying, ” Adolfo wants wrong?” You have so much Potential?” why is you aren’t focus anymore. I of course lied for my mom because I was scared. Till this day I wonder what would happen if I spoke up, how different would have my life and brothers life been. If I just said something. So I dropped out of high school and went to continuation school because I had to work.

 

Now I am 28 and I am ready to pick up my childhood dream and go for it. I did some Acting recently for some shows that I am so grateful to have worked on. Silicon valley is one of the shows. I was a drunk at the time. So I cant even imagine the potential now that I am sober. Nothing is going to stop me this time not even the Alcoholism!

 

Thank you world and friends for reading this and continue to follow me on the journey of sobriety.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

 

 

DAY 6 Sober: Breaking the Cycle

  Before i start i wanted to Address something i notice when I was watching my Day 6 sober: Breaking the cycle video i said  ” I always needed booze,boys, money, cars, friends, I mean its nice to have those things but those things don’t mean shit if you are not really working on your stuff and happy”    You see how sneaky this disorder is! I was naming off stuff i used in the past to make me happy and even if i am happy or dealing with my stuff  I can never drink booze or have any substance! its still trying to sneak in, that was a real moment on how Alcoholism works! Inside Self and Mind=ISM.. I am glad i caught it so i can be aware!!!!!!!! 

 

 

So, Today has be a very amazing day Day 6 sober. I am currently Laying in bed alone, in peace…..well I was until my wifi stopped working now at a Starbucks on Wilshire!  I used to hate being alone because I was left with my mind  feeding me my horrible past then those thoughts became feelings that consisted of  paranoia, fear, Anxiety, sadness, loneliness, and unsettledness. So then My Alcohol disorder would easily convince my to drink  to the point of darkness and that was the pattern that Repeated over, over and over in cycles for years. I Feel like my family had patterns that turn into cycles that has been in grain in us from generation to generation. There is a reason why addiction has been passed down from my grandpa, father then to me. Learn habits? I used to tell myself  i would never be an addict after living through a horrible childhood. I hated the thought of  booze and drugs, so how did i end up here? 

 

 

Can Patterns be in grain in us with us not even knowing? I believe my family had behavior patterns that told us how to view the world, are opinion of others, self esteem and are belief system. Family patterns are not bad or good.. it was passed down to them. We need them to challenge us so we can grow.  We also have the power to break free from the family patterns, just by becoming aware of  are thoughts. Its a challenge for me but if  i want to overcome this Alcohol disorder then i have to be aware of my self esteem, how i see the world, and be the watcher of my mind.  Last night when i was talking in my video blog i had an aahhh moment in Oprah words. I realize that i am the one in are family to break this pattern in the Vasquez generation. Ive been preparing for this battle my whole life, maybe thats why i had all the trauma in my childhood so i can be strong enough to fight this battle, so my children and their children are free from this disorder that was handed down to us! I never really knew my grandpa Santos but i really understand him now and maybe just maybe he is on the other side keeping me alive so i can fight for him too!

 

 

It ends now and here.. I will be starting AA this weekend and i know it helped millions and i know in my heart that i am an addict and thats the first step. To know you are powerless over booze. I am open to anything that can help me stay sober. So if anyone out there has any suggestions, that would be awesome!  Iam so grateful for 6 days sober and finding myself everyday!

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo