DAY 18 Sober: Nightmare Withdrawals?

Hello Friends, 18 day sober and going strong, Today has been a great day. Ended my second job today which is such an amazing thing now it allows more writing and gives me time to focus on my long term goals. I am currently seating in a korean cafe that has the best coffee, tons of natural light and art.  The last few days Ive been so Exhausted from work, writing Sober is the new Black and trying to have a life. Ive been taking 3hr naps during the afternoon lately and i’ve been having intense nightmares that either wake me up or when i wake up i am in a funk that consist of deep sadness that last anywhere from 1 hr to 3 hrs. The dreams usually involves people I know suddenly passing away or my ex Flaunting a new love in front of me. I know its a dream but it so real that I wake up still feeling that same exact pain that I felt in the dream.  The first week of getting sober I would wake up trying to catch my breath. I wonder if these are withdrawals

 

So I did some research on getting sober and nightmares .. Nightmares are a very common symptom in Sobriety, they suggest low brain activity the last hour before sleep. No computer usage which is hard because I prefer to sleep with my lab top over anything even men! I am more creative at night and get most of ideas for Sober is the Black and I also write nonfiction stories that always comes alive at night. So its a bit of a dilemma but over all without health there is no writing so ill need to find a healthy medium. I also love dark film and Tv shows. From Gasper Noe to John Waters my nonfiction is inspired by them.

 

Also i heard Alcohol Destroys Vitamin D so maybe i need to start taking a multi vitamin that always push off until i get sick. I am sure this will pass in time. Thank you all for continuing this journey with me. I will be video blogging tonight.. I might post it tomorrow or tonight. Everybody be safe! Thank you universe for the strength to carry on into  my new normal!

DAY 14 Sober: Negative thoughts

Hello Friends, Two weeks ago I decided to start living my truth. For me the first step in living my truth is to admit that I am an addict but not only admit to others and myself but to really connect with what that means and what role it has played in my life. I need to really understand that magnitude of the mental disorder. I allowed this mental disorder called alcoholism to ruin everything great in my life! Not my profound misfortune growing up. Not my Parents Choices. Not my abusers. Where I am at today was only caused by my choices and not admitting that I have a mental disorder. What is amazing is once you become aware, what seems like a huge challenge becomes a certain defeat over Alcoholism.  A person cant become unaware once he is aware. You can never unlearn 1+1=2, you just can’t!! It becomes in grain in your brain.

 

Because I am aware doesn’t mean I am safe, I need to have tools to help me on the path to staying sober. I know 1+1=2 but I still can write down 3 that’s when choice comes into play. I have to always choose the right answer! Even when this infected mind tells me 3 I have to write down 2. I know Alcoholism is a lot harder than writing a number down but what I am trying to say is it comes down to choices and surroundings. The last few times I tried to get sober I was very dry not dealing with my issues and doing it for the wrong reasons. I wanted to live a normal life like everybody else but just not drink. I didn’t realize that becoming sober was a life-changing thing, a new normal. I wanted to still hangout in bars with friends and still be around it.

 

It’s impossible to put a starved man in room with amazing yummy foods and tell him to never eat! He will eventually eat. I was a starved, dry and untreated alcoholic that was putting wanting to be normal ahead of my sobriety. I need to be selfish when it comes to being sober. I remember being at friends house and really crying inside the whole time because everybody around me was drinking and I was sitting with a non-alcoholic beer. I was crying inside because I didn’t understand the mind disorder and the body disorder. The ISM, Inside Self and Mind.

 

 

Recently since I have gotten sober I have been able to be around booze without being tempted because I am aware of the Mental voice in my head and the minute I start feeling uneasy I have to be selfish and walk away. I used to think that a life without booze isn’t life at all but being sober made me realize I never really stared to live. The thought of never drinking again was such a sad thought that brought me so much pain. So now I just change my thought to being sober is such a new and freeing thing and I can’t wait to see how life is going to be sober! Whether you are an Addict or a normal person, the minute you get a negative thought change your thought and once you do I promise life will change if you let it!

 

Two weeks sober and loving life! Thank you so much for all the support!

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo 

DAY 8 Sober: Sober Saturdays

 Hello World, Today is Day 8 Sober and i am feeling so good. I got 8 hrs of sleep with no Friday hangover! Its pretty awesome to know i wont ever experience a hangover.  I am at Iota cafe, Such an awesome atmosphere. Today will be a first in a very long time.  A sober saturday sounded like a hell in the past now it seems like a blast to know exactly how its going to end.  In the past with my Alcoholism it would always end ugly. Or regretful. Its  good to know i am in control of my saturday nights from mow on. Why are saturdays such a self abusive night for youth.  Alcohol is such a powerful drug that has killed millions directly and in directly and yet still legal but end the its the youths mind that makes those choices.  I am currently seating next to a couple who is about to order a craft beer. Craft beer  was my favorite especially IPA’s. I am sipping on a carmel latte. I can spell the hops from here but i am staying focus and not even a visual or smell can take away my Happiness and focus.  

 

Not sure whats on the agenda for tonight maybe some bored games, food, karaoke,  I do love to dance. I am so in love with Ktown! Ill be with some awesome and supportive  peeps. Its important to have that in your life but if you don’t thats ok because in the end of the day the only person that keeps you sober is yourself.  I am starting to get back that passion again for things i wanted to do when i got older. I feel like my disorder stunted my growth so i am still that high school kid trying to figure out whats next. Well i have an amazing passion for film and writing. As a kid film took me away from the chaos that surround my childhood, For 2 hrs i would not be worrying about my next meal, or if i am going to get beat. I would live vicariously through the actors on screen and act out scenes, i would even practice my oscar speech over and over again. As i got older my taste and film has gotten a bit snobby i must admit but nonetheless the passion still there to Act, Write and create.

 

I have been in few things and I have started writing an amazing story but i am bias of course.  Sia on pandora is pretty amazing at the moment. I will be filling you guys in on my first saturday sober in a video blog. I am so grateful for life and for the love that surrounds me thats shine through me. Staying sober and watching the disorder that centers in my mind will take work but I am one million times ready to take it on and eventually the disorder will loose so much power it would be more life a bird chirp than a train horn.  Thank you all for reading this and for being so supportive! 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo