Sober is the new black,
Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez
Tag Archives: alcoholism
DAY 168 Sober: Sober Miracle
Hello Friends, today is 168 days sober, this week been a busy week, I worked 70hrs but glad this season will be over soon and ill have more time to write. My mind disorder called Alcoholism is healing, no cravings. This year I got sober and lost someone really important in my life. This has been the hardest but most rewarding year of my life. Some of the biggest mistakes that turn into life lesson happen this year. I realized all those things the addiction has done was my mental disorder that I was unaware of. I thought my addiction was me but once I separate the two, I was able to stop it dead in its track.
I will not hold myself prisoner from what my addiction has done; I am whom I choose to be now, in this moment. In order for me to grow I have to let go of the guilt of hurting loved ones, every day I feel less guilty. I can’t even relate to the old me so I can’t even explain what my old self did. I lost someone who was very instrumental in opening my eyes to the addiction. I lost him because I was unaware of my mental disorder. This is hard, but I am very strong and can get through it, I allow myself a good weep to cleanse myself. I know all I have to do is stay sober, I see sober miracles every day. I called them sober miracle like walking past old bars without feeling tempted, being around booze and not craving it. Feeling peace inside knowing my lips will never be on a beer bottle.
Change is very hard but freeing. I was born on 11.11 so in a few days I’ll be 29. I am now finding myself, forcing myself to heal old wounds. Forgiving everybody and everything still learning how to forgive me. I will never stop growing; I will continue to evolve, to inspire others and me. Right now, I am happy, feeling free and a bit sad but I am feeling life and not using and that is a sober miracle. Sober is the new black
Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez
Some Paloma Faith to end my night.
DAY 101 Sober: Surrender poem
Sober is the New Black
Adolfo Vasquez
DAY 71 Sober: Meeting Gloria Estefan
Hello friends today is day 71 sober, I just woke up from an amazing nap. I did not get the best sleep last night. There is a couple that continues to fight above my floor and it reminds me of my of my parents fighting, I’ve called the cops so many times. Her Screech is very is very haunting. I just hope she finds the courage to leave and knows her worth. My rewrites have been good going to pick it up again in a bit. Last night I had to put it down because my mind and eyes couldn’t function anymore, I was up late.
Last year around this time I got to meet Gloria Estefan, who is a brilliant singer and inspiration. Kathy Griffin hosted this Q&A slash Album release party for Gloria fan’s. I’ve always been a fan of Gloria and listen to hear music growing up. Growing up her music took me away from that nightmare into a fairytale. Dancing and music is such a healing tool I also use today.
When I was in the midst of my Addiction most of the time I was functioning. Addiction and Alcoholism showed up in my life in lying, deceitfulness and conniving, I never harmed anyone physically. Vince was the photographer for the event and the whole week I was bugging to go, hoping. Thinking of a conga outfit. I got approved. We showed up before anyone else; I was sitting on the couch and in walks Gloria, Emilio, and Kathy. I was so nervous like a mouse I didn’t speak at all. They were doing interviews and Vince was getting candid shoots. At that time I notice they were setting up an open bar and right away my inner addiction voice starts going off, it was a constant battle, a painful battle. I knew If I picked up a drink than I would be lying to my partner but I was powerless and at the time I wasn’t in recovery so I didn’t have the tools, I do now. Once it started Vince went his way, I headed to the bar. Putting an untreated alcoholic at an open bar is like putting a Starved man in a locked room with tons of food and telling him not to eat. My mind convinced me a powerless person, to walk over and grab a drink so I did. To be in front of booze and not drink was mentally and physically painful. I would panic and be anxiety ridden. Suffering the whole time. I was chugging and hiding from Vince most of the time. I felt ashamed that I couldn’t be sober for this amazing moment And I must be the worst boyfriend an ungrateful boyfriend. This was a huge night for Vince and I couldn’t have been strong for him. I pounded drinks until tell I got that feeling I was chasing.
I kept it a secret for so long but I needed to write it down so it wont be that infection of guilt that is eating my inside causing my immune system or my healing to get weak. Not every secret needs to be spoken out loud, some secrets you can forgive your self and not do it again. There are some amazing things, sliver linings from that night. I got to meet Gloria Estefan who inspired me at a young age to fight for what I want, she is a survivor. Now when I look back I am filled with gratefulness for Vince who gave me the opportunity to meet her. I told Vince she was the cutest thing ever and when I went to go speak to her she repeated it back to me. Emilio Estefan was so kind to everyone he came into contact with. Gloria made sure everyone got a picture and she spoke to everyone. She is really funny too. Not sure if I thanked Vince for this and many blessing he brought me. Coming from where I did, I never thought I would ever be in the same room let alone have a moment with her. I am so grateful for 71 days sober, for Gloria Estefan and for Vince. Sober is the New black
Photo Credit: Vincent Sandoval
This video of Gloria and Oprah Winfrey is so inspiring. Discipline, baby steps and getting back on is some of the just some of the inspirational words I am taking away. Hope it helps others.
DAY 68 Sober: Knowing my Triggers
Hello friends, today is day 68 sober. I woke up happy as can be. I feel such a relief from yesterday post about my childhood. It was freeing and letting the words fall out from inside me out into the universe. Those words have been suffocating me for years. I am currently sitting on in a café in Koreatown listening to Amanda Palmer Ampersand. Music is such a powerful healing tool, it opens up my heart so I can cry those healing tears and some music fills my soul the strength for the day. Lately I’ve been swimming in music. Koreatown in Los Angeles is my favorite place to live. I currently live close to downtown LA but want to move back to this area. I have the next two days off so film; writing and sleep are on agenda. I opened the email sent from the Editor, it had feedback on my “untitled book”. It all made sense but I haven’t had time to finish all the corrections. My goal is to finish it these two days, so Coffee and more coffee will be my companion. Lately I’ve been feeling creative in my bed with the lights off like a love affair with my lab top. I tend sleep next to my MAC, It goes everywhere with me.
I need to be aware of my triggers when it comes to my Addiction that is called Alcoholism. I need to go back and see what went wrong the last time I got sober, what was the triggers that brought me back to using. First, I did not have a program to help me over come the body disorder the craving part. Second I did not have a program to help me with the mental part of the disorder. I didn’t have the right mental tools. My triggers were boredom, when I was bored I drank. Also loneliness was a trigger. When I felt alone I drank. Now I am alone now and I don’t have cravings at all, instead I crave life, being kind, helping others when I can, writing, and film. I am never am bored, I don’t let myself, and I always have my day plan out so I can stay busy. I use to just wonder through life without long term goals always focusing on instant gratification never trying to work towards long-term gratification that is more rewarding. I was lazy and content with not putting work into myself. Now I try to limit my instant gratification, before if I wanted something I got it without looking at my checkbook. I do allow healthy mind, body and soul instant gratifications but a limit. Now I say no to myself most of the time because I need to save for my long-term goals or gratifications. I won’t let boredom inn. The number one reason for me relapsing was letting the mental disorder convince me that I am not an addict. I am now in control of my thoughts so my mental disorder has no power over my self awareness and higher power and I fully surrender to my higher power that I understand it to be.
I also allow myself to feel sad emotions. I don’t hold it in, letting it out in my tears. I also try and live in the moment all the time, not letting my mind control my life anymore and let my soul lead. Thoughts and mind are amazing if I use it for positively to help me but when I use it to be self -abusive like comparing myself to others and jealous brings me closer to my Addiction. Sober is the New Black.
I am grateful for life, for falling in love with myself and for my higher power.
The greatest love of all Whitney Houston is prefect. The greatest love of all is within me.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
DAY 64 Sober: Keep on Keep on
Hello Friends today is day 64 sober, My sleep was not the best last night, I stayed up tossing and turing a bit. My mind was going and going. So I am a bit sleepy today but no midday naps today, going to stay up and head to bed early. I finish a few of my poems yesterday for my series, very excited to share once I finish the rest. So after work ill be heading to my new favorite coffee shop. My goal is to finish 3, the series is 12. All about my struggle with addiction. Still no cravings or missing the booze. I am trying to stay in the moment with positive thoughts and thats been helping. People are asking me about my 12 step program, yes i do have a program i am working and its the foundation of my recovery and i add other spiritual practices to help. Steps 1, 2 ,3 I do every day and I am currently on step four. Step four for me is taking a bit longer and I know am exactly were I need to be in my recovery. Surrounded with positive people and positive vibes. Removing everything toxic.
My previous attempt to get sober was very painful and I fought tooth and nail to not accept the fact that i was an addict. I believe I had a drinking issue and once i healed my past issues than I can drink. I didn’t know that thinking was the untreated Alcoholism talking, trying to survive. Glad I am now self Aware of the Alcoholism in my mind and it that helps me with the steps. Steps are very clear once my mind is clear. Sober is the new Black. I am grateful for life, 12 steps and for having a clear mind.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
DAY 29 SOBER: Alcohol-ISM (Inside Self & Mind)
Hello friends, today is day 29 sober and so far it has been an amazing unproductive day. I’ve been relaxing all day, feels good not having plans. I would like to have no plans more often. I am a day away from a month and as each day passes my want for booze is fading and my want for an amazing new life gets stronger. No cravings today except for some fast food but I told my self no, I wanted a whole shift in my mind, body and soul. I need to put healthy stuff in my body so my mind works at 100 percent and I need to make sure to get enough sleep. Your body knows when it needs sleep, so take a nap and recharge! I am in love with midday naps. I will take it over sex any day! Not only is my mind becoming self aware and I am starting to see patterns that were created from my childhood but my body is also changing. I feel great and clothes are fitting me a lot better.
Alcoholism centers in my mind and body not it the booze itself so once you become aware on the ISM(Inside Self &Mind) that voice that talks to you to convince you to drink than you can stop it! In time it gets easier. It’s like your mind is a muscle the more you work it the stronger it is. No voice, place, person, situation can take away my sobriety this time around. You have to become self aware, detox from the booze allow the body (ISM) to appear with the withdrawals and cravings. Once you stop drinking than you are left with untreated alcoholism because you are not treating it with its meds (booze) so that’s when its get hard and your mind goes a bit crazy, Temper, annoyed, hurt, sad, anger, lying to get the booze, denial just drinking wine or beer. Ill stop the hard liquor. Or ill just drink at night. Maybe just on Mondays. It will try and convince you because this mental disorder/parasite of a kind needs to thrive and stay alive. Also the metal disorder will come out in physical pain to try and get you to drink, night sweats, body aches, body itch’s, seizures, this is the body (ISM). So how do you go from untreated Alcohol-ISM to treating it without booze? For me treating my disorder is a daily thing because it never goes away that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy because you can it just takes work and time. So I treat my Alcohol-ISM by becoming self-aware of my issues and try and heal old wounds, positive thinking, surrendering to a higher power, loving people and learning how to love myself, meditation, start new healthy hobbies, find a form of AA that works for ME, Change everything about my life if you walked on the right-side of the street start walking on the left side, you’ll start to see the street from a different angle thus see the world from a different level. Make new normal that consist of laughter, joy, gratefulness, and acceptance.
What’s the most incredible thing is it can end today and your life can change in a second a whole new normal and amazing normal. Once you accept that Alcoholism is a living ISM that centers in your mind and body than you can become aware of it so then you can start treating it! Also you stop admitting and start accepting the truth that your are an Addict but truly understand what role it has played in your life and connect it to your heart and realize that your life today is the direct result of your choices, no one else! Just you! Not the past, not the abuser, not your parents, not that story you’ve told your mind over and over and even told others.
It’s a hard thing to grasp because we are so used to the past creating how we see the world and others. It’s a proven fact that if you start thinking differently than your cells and DNA starts to change, so you are no longer that story, your old self. You are now who you choose to be at the moment. You are your current thoughts. I am proof! I am in tears when I write this because for the past 29 days I wake up happy, excited for life, passion for long term goals. I see people differently and I have had some stressful moments but with my clear mind I let it go I surrender it to the universe. I DONT EVER NAME MY HIGHER POWER ON HERE BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE IT HAS TO BE THE SAME AS MINE TO GET SOBER, NO IT DOESN’T, WHATEVER HIGHER POWER YOU CONSIDER IT TO BE IN YOUR LIFE, GOD, UNIVERSE, MOON, SUN, A DOOR, A BUDDAH, A BLOW DYRER. There are plenty of roads to Rome you just have to find a road that is connecting to your heart and that works with your life.
I found my new normal and I love it. Cut everything out of your life that is unhealthy including love ones if you have to. You sobriety is number one because with out it nothing really matters and without sobriety you do not have anything inducing yourself.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
DAY 25 SOBER: The Universe
Hello friends, today is Day 25 sober and I am so excited for my 30 days coming up. Not sure how to celebrate this coming moment but I am sure it will be amazing! I’d learn so much about myself, Alcoholism and how my mind works. I’ve been saying a lot of positive affirmations to myself through out the day and in the moments when the ISM (inside self and mind) of the Alcoholism comes out and tells me horrible things that then creates sad feelings. There is an app I will be downloading that wakes you up with positive affirmations kind of like and an alarm.
Yesterday I spent most of my day at home depot, which is a Home Improvement store. I had to put up shelving; it was a first for me. I knew nothing about studs etc. I did not even own a drill, hammer, or stud finder. I was in a bit of annoyed mood my apartment was a mess For the past two day and I had hired to guys that didn’t understand how to do shelving. So I was already on the verge of tears when I realize I forgot my phone at Home Depot but my place was a mess so I was not 100 percent sure. My Alcoholism came out right away thinking the person I hired stole my phone but I had to stay calm and remind myself that if I didn’t find it I will be ok and I just need to stay sober and the rest will work out. My cell has a wallet case that had my Driver license, credit cards and a bus pass that was 75 bucks.
So the worker Luis told me I needed another item from home depot and that’s when I realized it was missing. So I hurried to the store when I got there I asked the cashier, looked down the Aisle and still no phone. I felt tears already but I told myself its ok to cry and grief for a bit but to surrender it to the universe and I’ll be ok. So I went to customer service to leave my name and number and my phone was waiting there! Once I accepted it and release it to the universe, the universe was ready to return what I was asking for. Not only did I get my phone back I was able to get the shelving up without the help of the hired work, that was a two day process. The universe is waiting for us to accept and release! I am so grateful I am in a space of clarity, living my truth, accepting, being-self aware and it will only stay this way if I continue to stay sober!
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
DAY 24 Sober: Is Good or Bad Real?
Hello friends its day 24 sober and I am back to the grind. I had such an amazing time back home, lots of food, love and great talks. My stepmother, aunt and myself stayed up late one night and had a necessary talk, I needed some clarity in the love part of my life and it came. I heard exactly what I needed to move on, it will not be easy but it will get easier and today was easier than yesterday. My family has been so supportive when it comes to my sobriety. I did not get any cravings for booze but there is a Mexican drink that’s called michelada or chavela that is really good. Its not really the beer that craved it was all the spices and tomato juice they put in. Not sure if they can make a virgin one but that has been the only craving but it passed with time. I’ve read that Alcoholism well the ISM can show up in different areas in your life, people can switch addictions to smoking, coffee and sex. So I have to watch my mind because I am very capable of all three.
My Stepmother and aunts are very open-minded; self aware and positive mind watchers. We had a few discussions on if there is such thing as good and bad in life. Sometimes what we think is good for us is actually bad and sometimes what we think is bad for us is a great lesson. I’m starting to believe the universe knows exactly what you need in your life so it gives you experiences not good nor bad just experiences so you can reach your full potential For example keying someone car wasn’t a bad thing because it thought me so much about myself and it brought me self awareness with my issues. A week after that incident my car was keyed so I do believe in Karma whatever energy you put out you will get of good nor bad. The universe already knows what I need for me to reach my full potential I just have to see the signs and be aware be in tune with what the
What if a lady is being abuse by her husband and one day she leaves then because going through all that she opens up this shelter that saves 1000 of woman from there abuser? So was going through that relationship a really bad or was it suppose to happen so she can save 1000 of lives. This are just thoughts in my head, just trying to figure out. Another example is two sisters living with an alcoholic mother who beats them both. One grows up to become successful doctor and one becomes a horrible addict. And if you asked them “ what shaped your life into what it is today?” and they answer their mother. So was growing up with their mother a good thing or bad thing?
Is it how we see the world; with are mind? that there is no bad nor good just how we see the situation? I leave it at that.
I am grateful for being sober and for all of you! Thank you so much
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
Primetime AA changed my Life
In January of this year I walked into Primetime AA and heard this message that change my life and it planted the seed of change. This AA format is based on Ego, Alcoholism, and self. Hope this helps others on their journey in sobriety
“And it happen just like that because The EGO Accepted the Truth, instead of admitting” Astrid Howe
Sober Is The New Black 