DAY 21 Sober: My Parents
Hello friends today is day 21 sober and I am having such an amazing time. It feels good to be in the desert surrounded by loved ones. Yesterday I went to my brother graduation. It was a beautiful night. Every time I come back home there is a certain smell that I am in love with. I saw my father and I was kind of nervous at first but it went well I gave him a hug and he said he loved me, which felt good. I know its not an over night process but eventually I would love him in my life. Last time I was here, 7 months ago my father and myself both were drinking and he got in my face wanting to fight me because I spoke up on how I felt. With my father in the past he is always right and you cannot have an opinion. Also my parents; I felt had always put their partners before their children wellbeing. My Father getting in my face brought me back to my childhood that scared and hurt little boy. After that day I promised myself that I would not allow anyone including my parents make me feel that way again and I also promise myself that I would Never be in his presence. That was a bit unrealistic seeing he will always be in my brother’s life. After the graduation we went to dinner and there was some drinking and I did not have a physical craving for booze! I did not focus on my dad I focus most of my energy on my brothers, aunts, and stepmother and enjoy each moment laughing.
Every time I am in the Desert I try and get a tattoo. I want to celebrate getting sober with a gift for myself so I feel like a tattoo will do. Not sure what. I have a few ideas, ill decided a bit later. I want to make this a healing trip. When I was with my father I did not have any uneasy feelings except the beginning, which past quickly that felt really good. I also need to make time for my mother. My Mother wants to be in my life and makes more of an effort. For me to heal is to forgive and to forgive is to go in with an open mind and heart. I feel like my parents are not born with the intention to hurt their kids. Something probably happen to them as a child that I am unaware of and because of that they made choices that affect are lives but anyone can change if they want to.
My parents did the best they can with their mental state. I am unaware if my parents had loved ones call them out and try to create an intervention in the beginning of their disorder. I am lucky I had loved ones call me out on my alcoholic disorder and helped me see it. I hope my parents read this and know that its possible to change and change can be scary, lonely and hard at first but once you are open to accepting the truth, watch your thoughts and surrender. Life is so amazing and there is so much possibility with in them that shines so bright. I love you mom and dad. I will be here waiting when you are ready and if that day never comes that’s ok, my love for you wont fade. If anything my love is greater now that I am also going through my own alcoholic disorder. Forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give yourself!
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
Feed Me & Crystal Fighters – Love Is All I Got
My song for the day! love is all i got!
DAY 20 Sober: Back to my Roots!
HelloFriends in a few hours ill be headed back home! I can’t wait to see my family. It feels good to know I have a clear mind, which makes me open to reconnect, and I can also appreciate the time I spend with loved ones. I know that it’s important to create boundaries with people in your life especially if you feel like they can be harmful to your sobriety. It’s important for me to be selfish in this area of my life. My sobriety has to come before anything else.
There are some local spots I am excited for like the Ace hotel, burger box, el Gallito, San Miguel, any pool really. I am kind of in the mood to go dancing. Its been a awhile since I got on the dance floor sober so that sounds fun but overall I am excited to see all the faces of my loved ones. I have still have a lot of healing to do with a lot of my past and parents. I know that will happen in time but going through my own addiction has brought me some understanding for my parents. I want to see them with an open heart and mind. Without the stain eyes I’ve seen them in the past. My eyes were stain with resentment, angry, and hurt. I want to embrace my parents with understanding, empathy, without judgment and ego, and love. I don’t know my parents story. So I have to go in without any judgment or ego.
I want people to forgive me and hopefully give me tolerance, I have to do the same and if my parents are not open to it, then that’s ok. I will be fine. Life will go on and my sobriety will stay. I used to only see what I did not have, so it blinded me from seeing all the love around me. Yes I had a profoundly misfortunate childhood but as a child I had a lot of great things in my life that I did not see at the time. I have four amazing brothers, a wonderful stepmother who was always there to help guide me in the right direction. Who loves me without any judgment and all of my loving crazy aunts. So that’s what ill be focusing on and maybe hit up some new spots. I have never just sat at a coffee shop and wrote. Maybe Ill starts new nonfiction there!
Thank you all again! Hope you join me on my trip back home! 20 days sober and so grateful!
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
DAY 19 Sober: Healing trip back home
Hello friends, Today is day 19 sober and it has been an amazing day. I’ve been working on Nonfiction for the past two years now; today I plug in my work external hard drive to my Mac. I had a folder with the same name on my desktop and the hard drive. One had work stuff the second had my nonfiction. Well I accidently replace my work folder with my personal and my nonfiction was gone. I have a rough draft somewhere but in that moment at almost died but right away I surrendered it to the universe. There was nothing I can do; I can only choose how to react to the situation. I feel like everything happens for a reason so maybe that nonfiction needs to be rewritten with a sober mind! So far my mind has been filled with ideas. So I accept it and learn a valuable lesson. I need to have a few back ups! I am grateful I still have my rough draft!
Ill be heading back home tomorrow, I am so excited to see everybody. I have not been home since Christmas and New years and during that time I was wasted for 3 weeks straight. So it’s nice to go back with a clear mind and an open heart. I am not worried at all about drinking or getting cravings. I have tons of memories that consist of drugs, booze, and horrible nights but when I go back I am going to be focusing on making healthy memories. Excited to be at a pool and to hit up some local thrift stores that are may favorite, also eat some yummy food.
So I know ill be fine on the not drinking part, the only thing that’s on my mind is seeing my father since the holidays. It did not go so well he got in my face he was a mess. I need to remind myself that there is a bigger picture here and maybe I can use this trip as a healing trip to tie up all the loose ends and to finally leave it all behind me! Thank you again for taking time out to check out Sober is the Black.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
DAY 19 Sober: A Drunken Encounter
Hello friend’s day 19 sober. My body is feeling good and I woke up with a clear mind. I need to start going to bed early or switch my schedule, last night I fell asleep at 1am and woke up a bit after 4am only a few hours asleep is not going to work. I love being up at all times but need to sleep.
So yesterday I was working on Sober is The New Black at a cafe that I absolute love, the vibe and energy is perfect. The cafe is located in between my two old bars that I would frequent on a daily basis. I usually sit inside but yesterday I decided to move outdoors. It was a beautiful day in LA. So as I am writing this car pulls up in front of the shop, A man gets off the car and I recognize him from the bar, I can tell he was already intoxicated and when he exit the car he started to take a few hits from a pipe (weed). He notices me and I said “hello”. He asked me why he hasn’t seen me at the bar. With out hesitation I told him I had quit and I am now sober. He had a puzzled look on his face.
A little bit of a back-story; he is also a fellow writer and an English teacher. The first time we met we talked for hours. He gave me a notebook with a bunch of his writings and told me to take it home and read it. He also wanted me to write something down on a napkin so he can read something I wrote. I was drunk at the time but I did. I believe he wanted to see how good I was; At the time I was in a place of not wanting to share my writings. I don’t remember what he said about my writings, I am sure it was not good; After all he is an English teacher and is going for his masters!
So back to yesterday, after I told him I was sober and he gave me puzzled look. I told him I started a blog and then he told me to read it for him, already I felt my body tense and knew he was ready to be an asshole again so I told him he would like to read it I can give him a link to my website. I was also in the middle of my online AA. He drunkenly persisted and I know how drunks are because I was one so I invited him to the table. He started to read an older post out loud and the booze smell just filled my space. When he was finish he looked at me and said I just got my masters in two years. I congratulate him, which is pretty awesome. He then said my grammar is atrocious, my writing lack originality, and its pretty bland. He ask me if he can write a post for me so he can spicy things up. I told him no the blog is my personal journey and its really not about being perfect or right but being honest and truthful. He drunkenly kept on. He then clicked on my other web browser, which opened my AA video, he then said “isn’t AA suppose to be Anonymous it defeats the purpose”. At that I point I felt my blood start to boil but I explain to him everybody joinery is different and I am ok speaking about it.
He eventually walked off to my old bar. Writing for me is very personal and so is this blog and being sober. I should have not let him in my space but lesson learn and the wheels keep turning. After he left those anger feelings left quickly. I realized that I was once that way to a lot of people maybe not in the same context but those feelings I had inside me I probably caused in others. He was just some stranger, the majority of the pain I caused were to love ones that probably hurt even more. I am so grateful that I am in a joyful place because that encounter would have stayed with me for a longtime if I was in my old mindset but in my new mindset no one has the power to take away my joy. I also wish him the best and hope he finds peace, also I hope he is successful in his writing career. So happy to have 19 days sober and counting!
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
DAY 18 Sober: Jared Mees and the Grown Children-Shake Video
Primetime AA changed my Life
In January of this year I walked into Primetime AA and heard this message that change my life and it planted the seed of change. This AA format is based on Ego, Alcoholism, and self. Hope this helps others on their journey in sobriety
“And it happen just like that because The EGO Accepted the Truth, instead of admitting” Astrid Howe
DAY 18 Sober: Nightmare Withdrawals?
Hello Friends, 18 day sober and going strong, Today has been a great day. Ended my second job today which is such an amazing thing now it allows more writing and gives me time to focus on my long term goals. I am currently seating in a korean cafe that has the best coffee, tons of natural light and art. The last few days Ive been so Exhausted from work, writing Sober is the new Black and trying to have a life. Ive been taking 3hr naps during the afternoon lately and i’ve been having intense nightmares that either wake me up or when i wake up i am in a funk that consist of deep sadness that last anywhere from 1 hr to 3 hrs. The dreams usually involves people I know suddenly passing away or my ex Flaunting a new love in front of me. I know its a dream but it so real that I wake up still feeling that same exact pain that I felt in the dream. The first week of getting sober I would wake up trying to catch my breath. I wonder if these are withdrawals
So I did some research on getting sober and nightmares .. Nightmares are a very common symptom in Sobriety, they suggest low brain activity the last hour before sleep. No computer usage which is hard because I prefer to sleep with my lab top over anything even men! I am more creative at night and get most of ideas for Sober is the Black and I also write nonfiction stories that always comes alive at night. So its a bit of a dilemma but over all without health there is no writing so ill need to find a healthy medium. I also love dark film and Tv shows. From Gasper Noe to John Waters my nonfiction is inspired by them.
Also i heard Alcohol Destroys Vitamin D so maybe i need to start taking a multi vitamin that always push off until i get sick. I am sure this will pass in time. Thank you all for continuing this journey with me. I will be video blogging tonight.. I might post it tomorrow or tonight. Everybody be safe! Thank you universe for the strength to carry on into my new normal!
DAY 18 Sober: Reflecting
Hello Friends Today is my 18-day sober and I am feeling really good. I’ve been writing and keeping my thoughts in check. I wake up now still sleepy but excited for the day! Alcoholism is something I struggled with since my early 20’s. My addiction progress from a few drunken arguments and endless amounts of puking into Crashing cars and Arrest, I started to realize that alcoholism isn’t in the booze it centers in the mind of the addict. It cant go away but I believe we can become self aware and the disorder can loose its power and we can gain control over are minds and body. The disorder also lives in the body and craves the booze and creates the withdrawals, the mind for me is where my Alcoholism is most effective.
Alcoholism kills everything alive and Preserves everything that is dead in my life. It stunts my growth and kept me from living a joyful life but the beauty is that I am aware of it now. I have to make the right choices and surround myself with the positive energy. As I get closer to my 30days I get filled with gratitude that I was able to get to this moment alive and without seriously injuring someone. I know that if I continue to stay on the sober path the universe will open doors for me. Addiction is very hard but it doesn’t matter how low your bottom is or how bad your story is you can always create a new one.
Thank you again for reading Sober is the new Black!
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
Sober Is The New Black 