Today Has been an Amazing day. No cravings at all..You can still have a great time Sober. There was beer around me but i stayed focus on my long term goal. I used to focus only on my short terms goals which consist of booze, sex, tv, work, bars, and eating. It was a cycle, of course we need short term goals but i never had long term goals… I was very Stagnant in my own pity. What happens to a river that is stagnant? Every living, breathing, beautiful thing dies. We humans should not be stagnant in are lives. We should flow like a river constant growth, having long term goals, Always changing and evolving into something greater.
I am 28 but really i am only as old as how many days i am sober so that makes 3 days, it makes sense because now i have to learn how to have fun sober, love sober, be a good friend sober, drive sober, deal with my shit sober, let go sober, forgive sober. I did not have much time to reflect back on my childhood Maybe i just kinda pushed it off because it was a very dark place. I blocked it all out with substance, fear, instant gratifications, Sex, Junk food, and shopping.
I had really bad Anxiety at really young age, since i could remember. People always say you are not your past but i do believe it affects how you see the world today, its how you judge people, its how you treat yourself, its how you others. Its that road rage you get when you are driving..how dare you cut me off!!!!! Has everything to do with that 4 year old getting beaten…Are parents train us how to treat are selfs but whats amazing is we have the power to change… My family has a lot of addiction disorders, from meth, alcohol, weed, etc. So hopefully i can break that cycle.. See i was scared of everything as a child. Fear of Wind, Fear of choking on food, Fear of getting beat, Fear of being homeless, Fear of heights… My parents put that fear in me at a very young age before i can even speak i knew fear. As i got older my Fears evolve into Fear of change, Fear of loneliness, Fear of not fitting in, Fear of my partner cheating on me. Every time someone is around me in a bad mood i just assume its because of me. I Cant blame my parents, I blame myself for allowing my parents actions affect me into my adulthood.
So i know i have a long ways to go but i am going to take it day by day sometimes even min by min… But right now at this moment i am grateful for this bed i am about to pass out in and of course being 3 almost 4 days sober. Thanks again for all the support, I never though in my wildest dreams i would have all this love.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
Reblogged this on Diary of a D-toxee.
Intense and open piece. thanks for sharing
Thank you so much for taking time to read that piece. I appreciate the support.