Sober is the new black
Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez
Hello Friends today is day 151 sober, it’s been such a busy day. Life has been really good since my last post. My heart is getting stronger everyday and my mind is getting clear from all the negative thoughts. Being aware of the mind Disorder called Addiction is helping my stay sober, one-day at a time. Grateful for each sober moment. I have always been a fan of people who are outspoken about their addiction, it helps me see whats possible in being sober. They are teachers and for newly sober they inspire. Not just sober from booze, sober from hurt, fear, sober from anything this is preventing someone from reaching there full potential. I relapse a bunch of times in the past because I was focus on the stuff I couldn’t do anymore like old routines, old friends instead imagining what I can accomplish once I am sober. I hid my relapses from everyone I loved. The mind disorder was a lair but me the person was so weak and scared I was so ashamed. I was a let down like always. Someone really close to me found wine bottles in my bag and I broke down, The disorder came out screaming than the real me came out crying knowing that I let everyone down again. It still haunts me a bit but admitting my relapse was very painful and hard for my loved ones but it free’d me so i can hit my rock bottom, which made me become aware of the mind, that lead me here today healing. It needs to stay as a reminder of what booze has done to my life. I know exactly what will happen if I started drinking again but I don’t know what will happen when I stay sober and that is amazing.
I never really listen to Macklemore music until a friend recommended me to him. I was unaware there album “The heist” is about Ben Haggerty overcoming past and his addiction. Ben Haggerty is a member of the hip-hop group. The last few days I’ve been obsessed with his album and his story. It shows the Capability of Sobriety, if you relapse its ok because you can change now in this moment. Macklemore inspires me to keep writing, dreaming and to never ever feel that my addiction Is who I am, I am so much greater and I have infinite possibility when I sober. The first 2 videos are songs off Their album the Heist. They are about Ben Haggerty addiction and the last video is an interview with dateline about relapsing. Sober is the new black.
Stay connect with love Adolfo
Hello friends today is day 69 sober, I love sleeping in on my days off. Letting my mind and body wake up on their own. My mind is usually up first and my body soon follows. Today I will be spending the day with my friend Lenny we are going to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Premiere. I grew up watching the films, TV shows, and playing the video game, Really Excited for this sober fun. I am at home typing on my desk; I am trying to get me used to writing at home. It will save me a lot more time, at night in bed I get inspired but that window is a short one. I was unaware of how many rewrites you have to do when you are writing a book my goal was to be done by tomorrow but I realize that was unrealistic and when its done its done being rewritten than it has to get edited again. Going to rewrite the shit out of it. I feel like the more I rewrite it the more it changes and I am afraid of it becoming lost if that make sense but I have to keep pushing through.
I have yet to having a craving for whiskey, wine, or beer. Those three were my best friends I counted on them most of the time and they were there at all times. Just because someone or something is there for you doesn’t always mean they have good intentions or is a something that benefits you. My body has been change, I feel I am still sweating out the booze today I woke up and took a walked to the local coffee shop and when I got back in I was a bit sweaty and it smelled like old beer, so nasty. Loneliness in the beginning of your recovery is a very natural thing because I hit rock bottom and everything taken away from me except my mind and higher power. I had to create a new normal and that could be lonely because everything is unfamiliar but this new normal is slowly becoming my normal. I find myself also thinking of my ex Vince less and less.
When I do, it’s when I hear a joke that only him and I would get or see something that we both would have laughed at. I can’t wait for him to find that love he deserves. He is such an amazing person and I was incapable at the time to give him what he needed in a partner. I was mentally not fully aware of my issues. I want him to only find the best and don’t settle for anything less. A man that would let him grow and make mistakes like he did for me. Someone who loves Britney spears concerts and that gets up for an early hike. A man that fits like a glove to his life and goals, a man who has deep love for his friends and family. Someone who forces Vince to be the best he can be everyday and motivates him like he did for me. Someone who looks him in the eyes always and wants to now everything about vince. I also want to find someone who is a better fit for me. Yesterday I was on my Facebook timeline and saw my old post and how delusional, in denial and unaware of how bad of shape are relationship was. Kind of like my mother. It crazy because I was a similar version of my parents and today I never been so determine to not end up like them. I have the same blood and addiction but the clear difference is my mind and thoughts! I am a survivor and will not become them. I wake up and I ask my higher power to guided my shoes in a different path going the opposite direction. I am so grateful because I feel like the ultimate teacher in my life is Addiction that put me into recovery that forces me to be the best I can be in every moment, it brought me my higher power, it forces me go deep within myself so I can find my core issues, it’s teaching me how to love myself and love others. Its teaching me how to have goals and brought my passion for writing and film back. Its teaching accepting what happens to me and endure pain and to coupe with these feelings inside me. I never had parents to teach me these things but addiction sure has! Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for a clear mind, being a work in progress, and for my readers who take time out of their day to check in on mine. Now that I am sober I am surrounded with so much love only because I am creating love within me for myself!
I know now and understand why Vincent had to leave, he had to save himself and it took a lot of courage and strength. This video below I believe sums it up.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
Hello Friends, Today is my 15-day sober and I feel really good. Last night I went over to friend home, beer, wine and champagne was all around and I felt fine. No cravings but I already know if start having those kind of feelings I have to leave. I don’t want to be self-abusive and torture myself for a game night!
Surrendering is a big part of getting sober the last few attempts at trying to stay sober was not successful because I thought I can do it on my own by not drinking but you have to surrender to a higher power to help deal with your issues and help guide you. Whatever you consider higher power in your life…For the past 3 years I really wanted to be done with drinking I prayed, hoped, kept working and trying, believed in my heart that I was done but I did not see a clear path but I knew in my heart that I wanted to live an amazing life. I had to hit rock bottom so all I had was my higher power and myself. On May 24 I saw a clear path and surrendered it all.
The universe has plans for every human on this planet. When you work as hard, done as much as you can, strive, hope, given, Tried, bargain, pleaded, just SURRENDER. When you have done all you can do and there is nothing left for you to do! Give it up to the universe and let it become a part of the flow of the universe. I wanted to be sober so bad and tried everything! Everything! So on may 24 I surrendered it to the universe and in that second it clicked Sober is new the black. The universe has bigger dreams for us then we can dream on are own. The universe carved a clear path for me. Once I accepted the truth and surrender it I started to write and this blog was born. I feel in my soul and bones this blog is a catalyst for something great in my life that I might be unaware now. I just have to be sober, live in my truth, believe in high power that I understand it to be and surrender to it.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
Today is such a nice day in LA, My first sober holiday in a long time… about to head to Grand Park To see The Spanish Harlem Orchestra & Ricardo Lemvo. Ill be with some amazing peeps. So Today i woke up feeling great found a beer in my closet and some wine, ugh. tossed it out right away. I used to always hide my booze because i felt i could not be honest with myself or with others about my disorder. I used to buy non alcohol wine and fill it up with real wine just so i can seem sober or when i was with a group of friends including my ex i would head to the bar and order a Stella instead of O’doul’s, They looked the same in a glass, Thats what this disorder does once you try and get sober the ISM wants to stay alive so it makes you do crazy stuff so it can thrive ..thats why alcoholism really becomes an issue when you quit because you are not treating you alcoholism with its meds. You now have untreated alcoholism and it never goes away. My thoughts on non alcohol is its a bad idea there is still Alcohol in it and it keeps you needing beer or wine in your life .
I cannot go on lying or being deceitful . I need to start LIVING MY TRUTH and that will be a challenge because i don’t even know who i am but i can start by knowing i cant drink. I don’t know why but every time i start to write my blog tears start flowing…. maybe of joy, or maybe of relief or maybe of fear not sure. So what does living my truth mean to me? well i think it means first listening to your mind and body in stillness. Find a comfort place where all the noise from the world and your mind become silence. Then Reflect on what truth means to you and how you were taught truth in your childhood. Connect the dots from your past to your issues today. So that will be my first step into knowing why i am an addict, why i am program this way. Why do i want to drink alcohol over healthy relationships, love, and abundance?
The past few days being sober has been really good. I have a clear mind, Cleaned my Apartment, my body feels a lot better. The world around me seems a lot brighter and people have been reaching out. The most important thing i need to do is remind myself what alcohol has done to my life and what i have lost. Some one wise told me Baby steps and baby steps i shall. Today i will be blogging again. I am grateful for having 3 days sober and for all the love i am finding in myself.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo