Hello end of day 70 sober, I usually lay in bed and reflect on what I could work on for tomorrow and let the universe know what I am grateful for in the moment. Hopefully I have another day so I can work towards my goals and love. I enjoy hearing people stories it helps me, empowers me. Everybody is a great teacher, a master of their life and everybody has the capacity to learn from every person they encounter, doesn’t matter age, race, or gender. Every person I encounter has a lesson for me, I just need to listen without judgement and preconceived notion. Be open to others. This video is such a powerful one, Fight the battle in front of you. Robin Roberts. Sober is The New Black
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
Hello Friends its the end of day 65 sober, I am currently in bed and usually this is the time I reflect on myself. Forgiving myself is probably the hardest part of my recovery. I know I cant go back and prevent the tears, fears, anger, loss of people time. The court dates, the keying of the car, the drunken threats. The heartbreaks, the drunken fights, the lying, the deceitfulness, the not caring, the selfishness, the un-ability to see love and also forgiveness for my parents.
I came across this video a moment ago, that opened my inner being in understanding what forgiveness means: Giving up hope that the past could be any different. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for Oprah, my healing tears and for becoming self aware.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
Hello friends today is 61 days sober and I woke up feeling refresh. I changed my work schedule so I am no longer working the 5am shift, which means I get more sleep so my mind is well rested. No more weekends off which is ok, I will start having Thursdays and Fridays off. Life has been amazing, last night I stayed up writing and watching film, two of my passions. I will be working 7 days a week coming up soon, so I am trying to stay in the moment and enjoy my days off. My goals for the next two days is to write, write, and write. I want to start a series of poems, I know its A lot on my plate with Sober is the New Black, the shorts and my Fiction but I have this passion that comes at night for words, usually happens when I am in my bed, listing to sappy music Reflecting on my day. I feel like I am trying to find my writing niche and see what flows and what doesn’t.
My Alcoholism is a daily disorder I have to be aware of; booze was my coping tool that blinded my eyes from the reality of life. My mind made everybody the enemy; in the midst of my addiction I felt everyone I loved was going to hurt me in the end. Trusting others was very overwhelming and hard to do but that was ingrain in me at an early age. All throughout my childhood and teen years I was hurt by people I loved so that mind stayed with me into my adulthood, I still thought I was in that war zone, in survivor mode. Everything comes back to me and so when I reflect back I can see that the lack of trust was really a lack of trust with myself. I did not trust myself in being able to protect myself. I was never thought how. I didn’t know how to make clear boundaries so know one can hurt me. I did not know how to create a trusting relationship. So I trusted know one. Seeing my mother struggle with relationships mix with her lack of unhealthy advice created this kid that had a screwed up vision of what trust is. So the fear of trust in return caused, uneasy feelings, anxiety. I was unable to build relationships with people, friends and loves. I am now learning how to build a foundation of trust. I need to learn how to be trusted. I have always been a pretty honest person but once my addiction become that tsunami, my dishonestly came out. So now that I am no longer using I need to work on being honest at all times with others, what I say needs to be met with the action. I need to know that I can trust others and make clear boundaries so I wont be hurt and even if I do get hurt it doesn’t mean everybody will hurt me. I am grateful for the love I feel for myself and for Sober is the New Black
Stay Connect with love, Adolfo.
Sara Bareilles brave is my theme song for Sober is the New Black, enjoy…
Hello friends its 46 day sober and its the end of day. Today has been craving free and a really good day. I had to check myself a bit today; I did not sleep well last night so the lack of sleep mix with Alcoholism came out. Everything and everybody annoyed me even down to my dinner being made incorrectly. As I lay in bed I wonder if that was my Alcoholism or Ego. People who aren’t addicts get annoyed over small stuff. This is something I need to be aware of because I don’t want to have a fuck it moment. I am glad I can reflect on my day and I can see what I can improve on and hopefully the universe will bless me with another day so I can work out my issues.
Feeding your mind, body and soul with nutrients such as laughter, joy, healthy food, meditation, you time, sleep, vitamins, a great work out, positive thoughts helps you get through hard moments and clears your mind so you can be aware when alcoholism starts infecting your mind. I am really ok knowing that their is know cure. It makes me have to always work on myself . There are people who aren’t addicts who don’t get the chance to work on themselves so I kind of feel blessed to have this disorder called alcoholism because it forces me to have constant growth, find a higher power and become a very self aware person. As crazy as it may sound if I did not have this disorder I would still be angry, A victim from my childhood, full of hate, selling my body, a lost soul wandering this world without ever knowing me or my potential, Maybe this disorder called addiction was put in my life so I can over come my past and break the family cycle that’s plagued my family for generations. These are my last thoughts before I say my prayer and get some much-needed rest! I will be making a video blog tomorrow it’s been awhile but its needs to happen! I am grateful for life, for not wanting to be right but always searching for truth, for everybody who takes a moment to join me on this journey of sobriety…. My bed time song is from Eddie Vedder Society
Stay connect with love, Adolfo