Hello friends its 46 day sober and its the end of day. Today has been craving free and a really good day. I had to check myself a bit today; I did not sleep well last night so the lack of sleep mix with Alcoholism came out. Everything and everybody annoyed me even down to my dinner being made incorrectly. As I lay in bed I wonder if that was my Alcoholism or Ego. People who aren’t addicts get annoyed over small stuff. This is something I need to be aware of because I don’t want to have a fuck it moment. I am glad I can reflect on my day and I can see what I can improve on and hopefully the universe will bless me with another day so I can work out my issues.
Feeding your mind, body and soul with nutrients such as laughter, joy, healthy food, meditation, you time, sleep, vitamins, a great work out, positive thoughts helps you get through hard moments and clears your mind so you can be aware when alcoholism starts infecting your mind. I am really ok knowing that their is know cure. It makes me have to always work on myself . There are people who aren’t addicts who don’t get the chance to work on themselves so I kind of feel blessed to have this disorder called alcoholism because it forces me to have constant growth, find a higher power and become a very self aware person. As crazy as it may sound if I did not have this disorder I would still be angry, A victim from my childhood, full of hate, selling my body, a lost soul wandering this world without ever knowing me or my potential, Maybe this disorder called addiction was put in my life so I can over come my past and break the family cycle that’s plagued my family for generations. These are my last thoughts before I say my prayer and get some much-needed rest! I will be making a video blog tomorrow it’s been awhile but its needs to happen! I am grateful for life, for not wanting to be right but always searching for truth, for everybody who takes a moment to join me on this journey of sobriety…. My bed time song is from Eddie Vedder Society
Hello friend’s today is day 46 sober, Last night was a very relaxing day. I did absolutely nothing except ate some pizza and watch film. Today will also be a relaxing day as well. Soon ill be working my freelance job so I need to enjoy this time off. This Freelance job is a seasonal job that will last until the end of the year. This job is a blessing, the pay is amazing but the work matches the job. Last year I was in a bad place at the end of the season. I was a drunk and it was the beginning of the end of my three-year relationship. This season coming up I will be a sober new character and I am so grateful for the opportunity. I will be working 7 days a week but it doesn’t feel like work when you enjoy what you are doing. I just need to make time for AA and Sober is the New black. Without those nothing matters. Last season after work I would stop at the infamous liquor store around the corner fill up my Morning coffee cup. The job was a bit stressful added with my addiction and breakup but working out, eating better, meditation and making me time will help the stress. This job is a blessing so many in so many ways.
Everyday that I am sober my mind gets clear and my body is feeling really good. I am learning how to cope with my feelings. Endure sadness and let it pass. Be grateful for the joy I feel and try in live in it always. Focusing on making new relationships and really try to connect with them on a soul level without ego and judgment. Learning everybody feelings are valid even if the ego disagrees. Not really focusing on people who don’t understand me or Sober is the New Black. When you start listening and focusing on negative things people are saying it starts leaving a space for self doubt and that is not good for an addict. Not everybody going to like what I do, that’s ok. My job isn’t to change their mind or convince them to understand me. I can only focus on the ones that do because I know the universe is guiding me on my new path. I need to focus on my sobriety above all. Self-doubt is a form of fear and insecurity I have always struggle with. It was in still in me at a very young age and it carried into my adult life. I am a Sensitive type of person, I will always be somewhat affected by intense people and circumstances, but I need to establish a Spiritual core that I am working on now, so I wont be thrown off my path by people’s remarks. I am going deep within myself through meditation finding my core and its issues. I have always been somewhat of an introvert person and that helps me in knowing my core is what affects my thoughts and my current circumstance.
I am grateful for my peace of mind, my job, and for people who try to understand others without ego.. this song is such a powerful amazing work of art. Has to be my all time favorite Devendra Banhart freely