Sober is the new black
Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez
Tag Archives: mind
DAY 161 SOBER: Loving me Whole
Hello Friends today is day 161 sober, It’s a beautiful day in Los Angeles. I needed some new optical glasses and headed over to little Tokyo, Warby Parker has some amazing glasses. I am now at my Favorite Coffee shop in Korea town. My goal this weekend is to write and spend sometime relaxing with my brother. I’ve been working ton of hours that allows little to no writing time. I am so grateful for the readers of Sober is the new black, This month the blog will be more active with my poetry, writing and starting some new aspects, That currently in the works. My book will be done in May and hopefully to print. Since I have gotten sober, I’ve had one craving about a month ago.
The mind is so different this time sober because I shut down that craving quickly. It was a huge step in my recovery process in the past, I would dwell and suffer in that craving but I change my thought and reminded myself of step one. It vanished, Cravings are part of the recovery process and I use that experience as a test to see if my program is working. So far my program is working, it helped me get through it and no cravings since.
This week I was on instagram and found a photo of a monk and his brother, both so different. I love looking at people from a far or photos and finding a story. When I saw this photo it impacted me tremendously. People could read it as good or bad, I see it more as the monk accepting his brother whole, seeing him only in the light of love and not in his own opinion or ego. I want to start seeing people souls more as opposed to their life scars that lay on their skin. I don’t know their story or why they are the way they are. I am not here to judge but I am here to hold their hand while they weep. I am going to be 29 in a week and I want to start being kinder, letting go of mind funk that makes me feel lesser at times. I need to be kinder to myself.
I want people to see past my disorder, my chubby cheeks, the food I eat, past my old ways and see my soul, see the good in me. Yes my disorder hurt a lot of people caused a lot of tears but I am a changed person due to my recovery, Lesson learned and the wheels keep turning. The photo below is of a monk and his brother, I hope today the readers suffer less and become fearless in the fight of sobriety. Sober is the new black.
Sober is the New Black
Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez
DAY 120 Sober: “The Battle” Poem
Sober is the New Black
Stay Connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez
DAY 46 Sober: End of day thoughts
Hello friends its 46 day sober and its the end of day. Today has been craving free and a really good day. I had to check myself a bit today; I did not sleep well last night so the lack of sleep mix with Alcoholism came out. Everything and everybody annoyed me even down to my dinner being made incorrectly. As I lay in bed I wonder if that was my Alcoholism or Ego. People who aren’t addicts get annoyed over small stuff. This is something I need to be aware of because I don’t want to have a fuck it moment. I am glad I can reflect on my day and I can see what I can improve on and hopefully the universe will bless me with another day so I can work out my issues.
Feeding your mind, body and soul with nutrients such as laughter, joy, healthy food, meditation, you time, sleep, vitamins, a great work out, positive thoughts helps you get through hard moments and clears your mind so you can be aware when alcoholism starts infecting your mind. I am really ok knowing that their is know cure. It makes me have to always work on myself . There are people who aren’t addicts who don’t get the chance to work on themselves so I kind of feel blessed to have this disorder called alcoholism because it forces me to have constant growth, find a higher power and become a very self aware person. As crazy as it may sound if I did not have this disorder I would still be angry, A victim from my childhood, full of hate, selling my body, a lost soul wandering this world without ever knowing me or my potential, Maybe this disorder called addiction was put in my life so I can over come my past and break the family cycle that’s plagued my family for generations. These are my last thoughts before I say my prayer and get some much-needed rest! I will be making a video blog tomorrow it’s been awhile but its needs to happen! I am grateful for life, for not wanting to be right but always searching for truth, for everybody who takes a moment to join me on this journey of sobriety…. My bed time song is from Eddie Vedder Society
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
DAY 22 Sober: Heading back to LA
Hello friends its day 22 sober and I am having a great day. The past couple of days have been amazing. It was nice being back home sober. I wish I had more time to see all my loved ones. I did not get a chance to see my mom but I did get to talk to her, She seems in a good place, which brought me some comfort! I did get a little sad yesterday morning; I think I was just missing my apartment and routine. I did start having Alcoholism thoughts that consist of some negative thoughts, I thought people were disappointed in me for all the chaos I caused but my mind was trying to tell me a false story but I caught it before in ruin my day. Alcoholism doesn’t care how amazing the surroundings are around you it will always try and come out so I can hit that bottle again but I am so happy that I can now catch it before it gets to that point. I just change the thought process.
I been wanting to get a Remembrance tattoo for my love Magnolia but the artist I use is out here. I knew this trip would be the perfect time. Magnolia is with me all the time, I feel her and see her in my dreams. It came out perfect. I will be getting some other tattoos soon including a Sober is the new black. This trip has been filled with laughter, great talks and some amazing food. I made some great moments that will eventually over shadow the drunken moments. I see people around me differently, ever person that I meet I want to connect with them and know their story. I want to love everyone that comes into contact with me. My eyes, heart and my eyes are clear at the moment. I just have to stay sober and focus on my long-term goals. My mind is a beautiful thing I just cant let it become my enemy again. In 8 days ill be 30 days and I can’t believe it!
I’m leaving with peace in my heart for my father and mother. When I get back home I will be eating better, still focusing on staying sober, building on new relationships and old ones, write, write, write, love, love and love! This trip is amazing but I am excited to get back to LA and hit up my coffee shops. Thank you Universe for this amazing trip I am so Grateful for this trip.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
My Trip
Day 14 Sober: Gratefulness video
Tonight ill be working on Sober is the black while watching Orange is the Black
DAY 14 Sober: Negative thoughts
Hello Friends, Two weeks ago I decided to start living my truth. For me the first step in living my truth is to admit that I am an addict but not only admit to others and myself but to really connect with what that means and what role it has played in my life. I need to really understand that magnitude of the mental disorder. I allowed this mental disorder called alcoholism to ruin everything great in my life! Not my profound misfortune growing up. Not my Parents Choices. Not my abusers. Where I am at today was only caused by my choices and not admitting that I have a mental disorder. What is amazing is once you become aware, what seems like a huge challenge becomes a certain defeat over Alcoholism. A person cant become unaware once he is aware. You can never unlearn 1+1=2, you just can’t!! It becomes in grain in your brain.
Because I am aware doesn’t mean I am safe, I need to have tools to help me on the path to staying sober. I know 1+1=2 but I still can write down 3 that’s when choice comes into play. I have to always choose the right answer! Even when this infected mind tells me 3 I have to write down 2. I know Alcoholism is a lot harder than writing a number down but what I am trying to say is it comes down to choices and surroundings. The last few times I tried to get sober I was very dry not dealing with my issues and doing it for the wrong reasons. I wanted to live a normal life like everybody else but just not drink. I didn’t realize that becoming sober was a life-changing thing, a new normal. I wanted to still hangout in bars with friends and still be around it.
It’s impossible to put a starved man in room with amazing yummy foods and tell him to never eat! He will eventually eat. I was a starved, dry and untreated alcoholic that was putting wanting to be normal ahead of my sobriety. I need to be selfish when it comes to being sober. I remember being at friends house and really crying inside the whole time because everybody around me was drinking and I was sitting with a non-alcoholic beer. I was crying inside because I didn’t understand the mind disorder and the body disorder. The ISM, Inside Self and Mind.
Recently since I have gotten sober I have been able to be around booze without being tempted because I am aware of the Mental voice in my head and the minute I start feeling uneasy I have to be selfish and walk away. I used to think that a life without booze isn’t life at all but being sober made me realize I never really stared to live. The thought of never drinking again was such a sad thought that brought me so much pain. So now I just change my thought to being sober is such a new and freeing thing and I can’t wait to see how life is going to be sober! Whether you are an Addict or a normal person, the minute you get a negative thought change your thought and once you do I promise life will change if you let it!
Two weeks sober and loving life! Thank you so much for all the support!
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
DAY 8 Sober: Sober Saturdays
Hello World, Today is Day 8 Sober and i am feeling so good. I got 8 hrs of sleep with no Friday hangover! Its pretty awesome to know i wont ever experience a hangover. I am at Iota cafe, Such an awesome atmosphere. Today will be a first in a very long time. A sober saturday sounded like a hell in the past now it seems like a blast to know exactly how its going to end. In the past with my Alcoholism it would always end ugly. Or regretful. Its good to know i am in control of my saturday nights from mow on. Why are saturdays such a self abusive night for youth. Alcohol is such a powerful drug that has killed millions directly and in directly and yet still legal but end the its the youths mind that makes those choices. I am currently seating next to a couple who is about to order a craft beer. Craft beer was my favorite especially IPA’s. I am sipping on a carmel latte. I can spell the hops from here but i am staying focus and not even a visual or smell can take away my Happiness and focus.
Not sure whats on the agenda for tonight maybe some bored games, food, karaoke, I do love to dance. I am so in love with Ktown! Ill be with some awesome and supportive peeps. Its important to have that in your life but if you don’t thats ok because in the end of the day the only person that keeps you sober is yourself. I am starting to get back that passion again for things i wanted to do when i got older. I feel like my disorder stunted my growth so i am still that high school kid trying to figure out whats next. Well i have an amazing passion for film and writing. As a kid film took me away from the chaos that surround my childhood, For 2 hrs i would not be worrying about my next meal, or if i am going to get beat. I would live vicariously through the actors on screen and act out scenes, i would even practice my oscar speech over and over again. As i got older my taste and film has gotten a bit snobby i must admit but nonetheless the passion still there to Act, Write and create.
I have been in few things and I have started writing an amazing story but i am bias of course. Sia on pandora is pretty amazing at the moment. I will be filling you guys in on my first saturday sober in a video blog. I am so grateful for life and for the love that surrounds me thats shine through me. Staying sober and watching the disorder that centers in my mind will take work but I am one million times ready to take it on and eventually the disorder will loose so much power it would be more life a bird chirp than a train horn. Thank you all for reading this and for being so supportive!
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
DAY 6 Sober: Video Breaking the Cycle
So i stayed up late last night AND wanted to talk! Here is my late night thoughts on family, Addiction, Cycle, and mind!
I will be posting more on Day 6 later on tonight on family Cycles and Hidden patterns.
DAY 5 Sober: A Survivor Mind
Today is day five sober and i am still going strong. My video Blog was so scary btw, It was so hard but i am glad i did. I am enjoying a Chai tea at my spot in Koreatown. No cravings so far but i am starting to feel that semi Depression that sneaks up on you in the beginning stages of getting sober. My Body aches, I have night sweats, muscle Spasms, Lack of sleep, Lack of appetite and also a mild headache. . In the past five months my life has been turn upside down. Some of the hardest moments of my life so far…So much change but with change comes freedom, loneliness, and endless possiblities Also nothing seems fun and i kinda don’t want to do anything except write. Which is still pretty good but i love film and i usually watch at least one or two a day Maybe its the lack of sleep Ive been getting. Things are starting to settle down a bit and a new normal is on the horizon, i cant see what it looks like but i know it involves being sober.
Not sure why it took me so long to realize i was an addict. After countless bad decisions. Even after seeing people i knew pass from addiction. Doctors telling me I have a fatty liver. None of it was enough. Yet my mind just shifted on may 24 14. I realized its a mental disorder that centers in are brain and not in the booze and that i have control of my mind and sometimes the mind can be your worst enemy addicts or none addicts. In my childhood and even up to my 20’s I had a lot of trauma that range from Sexual abuse, emotional abuse, Physical abuse, and neglect. A child mind is very impressionable and cant rationalize those forms of abuse. So i was taught at a very young age to always live in this mind, I had to survive and my mind made it possible. I used to pretend play as child every child pretends which is normal but my lasted a bit long into high school my reality was so bad that i would spend hours with my mind in my room or watching tons of film. As i got older i stayed in mind even when the surroundings got so much better filled with amazing love. I was still in survivor mode.
When i was younger my mind would lie to teachers when they saw knots on my head or lie to everybody so my parents would not get in trouble. Stealing food, stealing from family. when i was younger i was really small and skinny so i would be put into doggy doors so i can steal food. I used to walk into walmart with old shoes and walk out with knew shoes..With parent consent. In high school freshman year I only had two outfits horrible Experience, I was leaving with my father at the time. The minute i got a work permit i had to work paying rent so i was always in my mind surviving not trying to find out who i was or what my future looked like, Prom, college. As i got older my mind was still in survivor mode, My mother was living with me and i was 2o.Working full time to put food on the table. I sorta raised my young brother since he was a kid. My mom always had jobs that didn’t last more then a few months.
Then one night a girl who will be nameless, offered me cocaine at that gay bar and my mind felt so good it was not in survivor mode and the rest was history…So the minute i had a chance at a normal life in LA i took it!!!!! get the hell out of the desert! but i was still with that survivor mind but with a bigger Disorder, I came to LA with my Alcohol disorder! and that was horrible. My survivor mind showed itself with distrust, fear, Paranoia, Added with booze! BOY O BOY! what a recipe. The really fucked up part was the Surroundings was such a 360 from back home. Filled with love, good cheese, Wonderful game nights, BBQ’s, laughter, an amazing apartment, maggie my dog, an amazing ex with an amazing family and group of friends. I was in survivor mode fueled by booze i did not even see the amazing love i had back home from my bros, sis in law, nephews, niece, Step mom and my all my aunts. My real parents are amazing too! My alcohol disorder helps me understand them more. They are pretty awesome.
So part of my recovery is to go back and heal my own wounds. Forgive people and forgive myself. I am so grateful for my being sober and for everyone who is taking time out there day to reading this! I hope one day i can inspire. One blog at a Time
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
Sober Is The New Black 