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June 21, 2015

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Day 393 Sober: Finding Art in Recovery

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Day 393 Sober: Finding Art in Recovery

Hello Friends today Is day 393 sober. This past week has been eventful. I’ve been in the process of getting my first book ready for print. The vision came to me one day, late at night. This will be my first book, in my head I thought it would be easy and in some way effortless since I write everyday and knowing what I want the book to say.

I was wrong, this past week  I’ve felt annoyed, tried, confused, terrified, and inspired in the process of writing the book. I had a talk with the Editor and a friend who open me up to a new direction for the book. The new direction felt right in my heart.

In this stressful time I had no negative thoughts or an addiction voice trying to convince me to drink.

I talk about my childhood on this blog. In the book it will be more in depth. So having to go back, remember those times and feelings is  hard at times.  But the part of the book that affects my feelings the most isn’t the childhood. It’s when I was in my deep state of addiction.

The pain I caused loved ones, shooting daggers in hearts. The lying, The manipulation, The time and friends lost. I know it was the Addiction and not my True Self because in the morning after the drunken stumbles, My heart and soul felt heavy and in pain.

In the process of writing the book I find myself walking away for sometime to cry healing weeps. Or taking hour breaks to decompress.

I know I can’t change those actions but what I can do is stay sober so their pain wont be in vain.

Meditation and sitting with my higher power helps after a writing session. Bringing me back to the present. giving me some clarity

Writing is part of my recovery, taking out all the dark stuff that dwells in me and putting it on paper. like a cleansing of the soul. It also helps me reflect and connect the dots from traumas to how traumas affect me subconsciously in my every day life. For example I grew up really poor, I recently notices that feeling bleeds into how I see the world. I have 69 pairs of shoes and always want to buy food in bulk. I need to see the patterns and see if they are affecting me n a negative way. Or change. Sober is the New Black

I’m wishing all the dads a happy fathers day.  Hope you all have a day filled with relaxtion and love.

 

Here are some poems I created this week.

 

Sobriety Big

 

 

Crippling

 

 

A choice

 

 

The Children

 

 

Me day 392 Sober

Adolfo Vasquez

 

 

Anyone who knows me personally, knows I’ve always been a huge fan of Tina Turner. This song is one my favorite.

 

 

Stay Connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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January 10, 2015

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DAY 232 Sober: Macklemore

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DAY 232 Sober: Macklemore

Hello Friends today Is day 232 sober, sitting in a café on a rainy day is perfection. On the patio watching the rain clean the streets from rusty dirt. I am a film buff and I’ve been living in theaters the past two weeks. Just in time for the Golden Globes this Sunday. One of my long-term goals is to one-day work in the film industries. One dream at a time.

 

I admire and love people who are an advocate for sobriety. Ben Haggerty from Macklemore is one of those. His music, lyrics, and vocal-ness about his past addiction, is very inspiring.  Not only can you detach from the substance and find life again but you can also achieve unimaginable dreams that once seemed so foreign while using. He inspires me to keep reaching for my dreams.

 

I’ve relapsed, a bunch of times in the past but my heart always wanted to be free from Alcohol, but I just didn’t know how. Relapses are very common in addiction and the beauty in that are the lesson when you look back. If there is anyone out there that relapse it’s ok there so much strength in starting over, walk down different streets, separate yourself from everything that might trigger you until you are strong enough. I am one drink away from death is what I tell myself and when I need reminding. I am so grateful I have only had one craving in this recovery. An Alcoholic craving a beer happens, and you shouldn’t get scared. Push through with clearing your mind, with prayer, meditation, books, online speakers, or meetings. Whatever works for you, when I was getting sober in the past, I would sit in a parking lot listening to a warrior by the name of Astrid Howe, and hearing her words over and over again until I left the parking lot believing in sobriety. Sober is the New Black.

The link below is an interview Ben Haggerty did with MTV recently. I hope his words resonate with someone it did with me. I am so grateful for sobriety, my readers and for life.

http://www.mtv.com/videos/?id=1721485

 

THESE SONGS BELOW ARE FROM MACKLEMORE, IT’S NEVER TO LATE TO BE THAT PERSON YOU DREAM. Start over.

 

I wrote a few minutes ago and I can’t stop crying. There is some more healing to be done inside my heart when it comes to forgiving the hurt I have caused. Sometimes I feel when people find out I am in recovery all they see, is an addict as opposed to a human healing from a mind disorder. Plenty of doors have closed due to my battle. Lost tons of friends at a time when I needed them the most. It feels great to cry and opening the soul so you can heal. I hope this poem opens up family and friends eyes to understanding what goes on in a loved one who might be suffering.

 

Relapse poem

 

Stay Connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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July 8, 2014

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DAY 46 SOBER: Self Doubt, Sober Hangover

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DAY 46 SOBER: Self Doubt

Hello friend’s today is day 46 sober, Last night was a very relaxing day. I did absolutely nothing except ate some pizza and watch film. Today will also be a relaxing day as well. Soon ill be working my freelance job so I need to enjoy this time off. This Freelance job is a seasonal job that will last until the end of the year. This job is a blessing, the pay is amazing but the work matches the job.  Last year I was in a bad place at the end of the season. I was a drunk and it was the beginning of the end of my three-year relationship. This season coming up I will be a sober new character and I am so grateful for the opportunity. I will be working 7 days a week but it doesn’t feel like work when you enjoy what you are doing. I just need to make time for AA and Sober is the New black. Without those nothing matters. Last season after work I would stop at the infamous liquor store around the corner fill up my Morning coffee cup. The job was a bit stressful added with my addiction and breakup but working out, eating better, meditation and making me time will help the stress. This job is a blessing so many in so many ways. 

 

Everyday that I am sober my mind gets clear and my body is feeling really good. I am learning how to cope with my feelings. Endure sadness and let it pass. Be grateful for the joy I feel and try in live in it always. Focusing on making new relationships and really try to connect with them on a soul level without ego and judgment. Learning everybody feelings are valid even if the ego disagrees.  Not really focusing on people who don’t understand me or Sober is the New Black. When you start listening and focusing on negative things people are saying it starts leaving a space for self doubt and that is not good for an addict. Not everybody going to like what I do, that’s ok. My job isn’t to change their mind or convince them to understand me. I can only focus on the ones that do because I know the universe is guiding me on my new path. I need to focus on my sobriety above all. Self-doubt is a form of fear and insecurity I have always struggle with. It was in still in me at a very young age and it carried into my adult life. I am a Sensitive type of person, I will always be somewhat affected by intense people and circumstances, but I need to establish a Spiritual core that I am working on now, so I wont be thrown off my path by people’s remarks. I am going deep within myself through meditation finding my core and its issues. I have always been somewhat of an introvert person and that helps me in knowing my core is what affects my thoughts and my current circumstance.

 

 I am grateful for my peace of mind, my job, and for people who try to understand others without ego.. this song is such a powerful amazing work of art. Has to be my all time favorite  Devendra Banhart freely 

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

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June 5, 2014

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DAY 13 Sober: Self Control, Sober Hangover

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DAY 13 Sober: Self Control

Hello today is day 13 sober and it’s around 5am. I am a bit tired but feeling excited to be sober and very grateful. The past few days have been pretty awesome. I’ve been trying to eat better and trying to stay active. I want my mind, body and soul to become healthy all around. My mental disorder Alcoholism is alive, last night I caught mind making up scenarios that have not even occurred and it was negative. It was taking away a great moment of my surpassing 1000 views. Alcoholism wants to destroy everything great so the only thing you have is the booze. You have to be a mind watcher. I was able to shut it down quick. 

 

Since I have gotten sober I am realizing that Addicts Lack self control. I tend find something I like then want it everyday until I get sick of it for example Recently I’ve been loving Sushi and I have been eating it everyday for the past couple of weeks and that is a lack of self control. Self-control is a muscle that can be worked and strengthen. My self-control has gotten a lot better from my Alcoholic days. In the past I would be easily influence by instant gratification. I should have been focus on long term gratifications.  We have self-control to obtain goals in life and I had zero! No real goals except to over drink. I would tell myself I am not going to drink for two days and then I would go on a two-week binge. That vicious cycle went on for years. 

 

I need to train my brain, Meditation actually trains your Brian to become a self-control machine and it improves your Emotional intelligence.  Even simple techniques like mindfulness, which involves taking as little as five minutes a day to focus on nothing more than your breathing and your senses, improves your self-awareness and your brain’s ability to resist destructive impulses. I also need to Sleep more, eat better, workout because this helps your mind build self-control. Also I need to just let the craving come and go. Cravinsg last about 10 min and if you fail pick your self up and forgive yourself.

 

Life is a beautiful ride that has ups and downs but if you fall in love with life the ride wont be so bad. 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

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May 30, 2014

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DAY 7 Sober: Game Plan, Sober Hangover

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DAY 7 Sober: Game Plan

Hello my friends! Its been a whole week since I had my last sip, It was a whiskey and ginger ale. I was stumbling down western calling uber, Poor uber driver, god only knows how that turned out but  I am so excited to be sober. The support from everybody has been so Refreshing and much appreciated.  My brother, his wife, my niece and nephew came out to visit . It was so nice being around family. We went and had lunch at pinks.  Most of my family lives in Palm Springs or Bakersfield. I am the only one out here in LA. I do miss them all the time but LA has been so amazing and life changing… this is my home.

 

Somebody wise today ask me what is my game plan ? I did not get the question right away.  Then I realize what  she was saying, life will get tough.  People will pass away or trauma will happen again . How will I deal with life sober When life starts testing my courage I need a game plan. My life has to co exists with alcohol, I have to be ok with being around it. I think for me the key is to surround myself with supportive love ones and remind myself what kind of person I was when I was treating my disorder with alcohol. I also need incorporate healthy outlets like running, bike riding and meditation. I enjoy all three of those Healthy activities, they also help me clear my mind.  My writings also has help me a ton. It important to allow yourself time to grief and not hold it in. I need to always be focusing on my Spiritual growth, being grateful and also giving which i don’t do as often as I should.

 

This weekend going to be a huge step for me, Ill be signing a new lease for my own apt in LA.  Ive been kinda like a nomad after my split Back in november. Well we broke up in November but didn’t really stop you know until February so i say February my ex might disagree but anyways. Its just a huge final step that is exciting and scary.  It’s in the same building just across the hall so it’ll be an easy move.  I am so grateful for being sober and the universe has been so kind since i’ve been living my truth. thank you all again

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo