DAY 28 Sober: Clint Eastwood video

Hello friends Day 28 sober, My friday night will consist of me cleaning my apartment which has been disregard for the past week . Ive been wiring and have not had time for anything expect the few hours of sleep, work, film, writing, bathroom, and a meal! so next week I have to find a balance and maybe a social life. So tonight I start by cleaning and listing to some music Before I end i wanted to upload  a video that I shot from last night LA film festival. The audio is so bad so you need to turn up your volume but I had to upload it! Its one of those moments that will be with me forever, Glad I was in the right state of mind to be grateful. I looked up to this man my whole life I never thought coming from were i did ill be sitting in the same room with him. Sobriety is a beauty!


Stay connect with love, Adolfo


DAY 27 Sober: Jersey Boy Clint Eastwood

Hello friends . I just left the film 1000 times good night and a staff member just handed me a free voucher for a Clint Eastwood new film Jersey boy.. So that means ill be in the same room with Clint Eastwood watching his film that hasn’t been released! Before I left my apartment I wasn’t even sure ill be able to see it let alone see it for free. Ill be watching with the cast ..Such an amazing gift from the universe, I am so grateful, and to Vince for this amazing experience. Sober is the new black!

Stay connect with love, Adolfo


DAY 26 Sober: Film Festival Dinner

Hello  friends just took a break in between films. I needed some food. This festival so far has inspired me to start  filming shorts. Going to check out a local camera store and start investing in my dreams.  Now that i am sober My passion for film and writing is coming back and its coming back like a flood! I deprived myself  for so long that my list is so long but one thing at a time. I am currently at toms urban having some comfort food with a diet coke! Last time i was here it was a mess! Cravings are not in my space.

I saw a film called Club Sandwich from Mexico. It was a bit slow for my taste and I don’t mind slow but even my triple shot  macchiato could not keep me up but the end got really good Overall uncertain terms takes the cake so far. About to close out and head to watch a film called MAN FROM RENO its a crime, mystery, thriller from Japan. 


Comfort food!

Comfort food!

DAY 26 Sober: Goodbye Vincent

Day 26 Sober, Last night was an amazing experience, I was able to attended LA Film Festival. I saw a film called uncertain terms; it was witty, emotionally charged film. Its about a pregnant girl name Robbie moves to a group home of young pregnant girls, Robbie starts having a relationship with the maintenance man while still with her immature baby daddy. There is a birthday scene where it’s a bunch of underage pregnant girls dancing to Khia “My Neck, my back”. Probably this best film for me so far this year…I have a few days left, so ill have to decide at the end.



Yesterday I was able to sit with Vince for about 30 minutes before his event, we had a conversation that needed to happen, so I can start taking the necessary steps to a healthy me. My love for him is really great but I need to hear in Vincent voice that there is no future between us, he mentioned it before but I wasn’t ready to hear it, I was last night. When you caused the break up there is always a feeling of trying to fix what you have done wrong, trying to make up for the wounded. I do have some pain that lingers but it will last for a while mixed with missing him, I sometimes get confused between still in love or missing him. Maybe it is both, it feels like a death, you are fine one moment then with in seconds you are in tears. I believe Vincent was my soul mate the minute I met him I dropped everything so I can be around him all the time. He brought me closer to myself at the sacrifice of his heart. What I’ve learn in the process is that we all have more than one soul mate in are lifetime because we are constant evolving humans that change so Vince was my soul mate that I needed at this time in my life because the universe gave me what I needed to evolve so now that I am evolving and becoming a new person it opens me up to a new soul mate. I do sometimes wonder, what if I had met Vince today with such clarity in mind and heart. In my head in vision growing old with him, the whole sitting in rockers on the porch, me putting up with his grouchiness, as he gets older and bald. Taking care of him as he ages unless I age horrible first. It’s a dream that I have to let go and that is the hardest part because my actions caused this dream to no longer be a possibility but without getting it taken away I wouldn’t be here sober. As I get older I realize some greatness in ones life can cause such deep pain, you have to endure. The pain is so deep it becomes a physical disability but I have to let go. Let go. Vince and I both suffered great losses. We both are equally amazing and we both created lessons to be learned. I don’t believe in mistakes. I was an amazing boyfriend that happens to have an addiction but when I was sober for brief times I was a pretty great, I am sure Vince will agree. As I am writing my heart isn’t broken but bruised. Time, positive thinking and being sober has helped heal me a bit. I still have a long ways to go.



Yesterday seeing Vince brought out that schoolgirl in me. I was a so nervous, butterflies in my stomach, when I saw him some air left my lungs, I couldn’t stop laughing. I wanted to just look into those brown eyes and be in the moment because I knew in my heart at that moment it would be the last time I see him with this intense love. So I wanted to enjoy that moment. The break up was not just between Vince and myself the break up was between families, friends, the future plans, Magnolia. We broke up in November and didn’t tell family until weeks later and when we did tears flow through their eyes.


I cant help get sappy its like an end of an amazing chapter or era of my life, A graduation into a new Adolfo. This is a goodbye letter to my relationship. You see I always in vision Vince and I walking down the aisle because we both couldn’t decide who was the girl, in a forest. I also in vision Anne, Maju, Summer, Rachel, Luisa standing next to Vince while I have one person maybe on my side. I need to let this out into the universe because this is no longer the reality. I have to accept, grief and let go of this dream because the universe has a bigger dream for me that I cant see or even see the path at moment but I know the path exists.


 This wonderful soul brought so much love and growth into my life. I want him to know his love saved me from a bleak future that was not going to end well. Vince was the single most influential person because of him I will stay Sober and with being sober now I can live. I also want him to know that my love for him was pure just clouded a bit. I lied but I also loved so hard, laughed, accepted him for everything, loved every part of his body. I was pretty much perfect except for the drinking and lying… never cheated or hit. Never really looked at anyone else in sexual way. You were the one for me kid. Glad I was for you too for that moment.


 I will be more than fine; I will be sober not just from alcohol but also from the past, hurt, and guilt, ashamed, from loss. Hopefully once he heals from the betrayal I caused (that’s even if he wants to heal) or learn to trust me again. I can look at you and you look at me with no pain and hurt and we both can sit and you get to fully experience the Adolfo you seen in me the whole time…. I am going to also release this song out to the universe it was supposed to be are first dance/wedding song.



Goodbye Vince, Elf, Soul mate, Dream, Teacher, Amazing photographer, Best friend, Grouch!



Stay connect with love, A bruised Adolfo….