This poem is my story!Heartbreak opens onto the sunriseFor even breaking is openingAnd I am brokenI’m openBroken to the new light without pushing inOpen to the possibilities within, pushing outSee the love shine in through my cracks?See the light shine out through me?I am brokenI am openI am broken openSee the love light shining through meShining through my cracksThrough the gapsMy spirit takes journeyMy spirit takes flightCould not have risen otherwiseAnd I am not runningI’m choosingRunning is not a choice from the breakingBreaking is freeingBroken is freedomI am not brokenI’m free.~ Spoken by Alike (Adepero Oduye)Written by Dee Rees
Tag Archives: film
DAY 13 Sober: My Dreams
Hello my friends! I am a day away from 2 weeks sober and I cant believe how much my life has changed in two weeks the world just opened up with possibilities that I never thought could or would ever happen. I am ever so grateful; my goal is to always live in a state of gratefulness. There is so much I want to start doing since I got sober, Get a bike, Volunteer, Dance more, write more. Those are some of my short-term goals!
Some of my long-term goals I’ve always carried into my adulthood from childhood but my Alcoholic mind kept them hidden from my Reality are Film and television. They saved my life growing up! It took me away form reality into a Fantasyland for 2hrs, nothing around me matter in those moments. Film and Television gave me hope and also thought me so much. I learn so much from the Oprah show! TV and film was my parent. There were several days I would watch film after film after film, laughing and crying. I would spend all day at a one-dollar movie theater. I grew up with TV from Mickey Mouse Club, to Barney, to Power Rangers, to Friends, to Oprah, Ellen and now American Horror Story. I still till this day request days off of work for the Oscars, GG, Emmys and SAG awards (or call in). When I was a kid I would recreate scenes in my room and even recreate an alternate ending. I knew in my heart at very young age film and TV is where ill end up one day, I did not care if was a background, grip, writer, director, craft service. If I can work on film or show that can inspire a kid like me then my job is done in life. I cant in vision a higher dream then to be part of a film or show that inspire youth to dream big and help them hold on for a bit longer because life eventually happen and life is such a beautiful thing. For me it’s only that way if I continue to stay sober.
My first acting performance was in fourth grade in Ms. George class with a fellow actor. I forgot the scene. I eventually started drama class in middle school through sophomore year. My first play was Annie and of course I played sandy (Annie dog) I was the best damn sandy there was! In high school I made drama honors in Miss Douglass class and that’s when the reality of my childhood caught up with my dreams. Sophomore year my family and I became homeless once again but this time it affected my school. I was in honors and college prep class for English and drama. I was getting academic awards but I needed to work ASAP. I remember sleeping in back of taco bell in Indio California. Finally my drama teacher Ms. Douglass pulled me into the office kind of scolding me saying, ” Adolfo wants wrong?” You have so much Potential?” why is you aren’t focus anymore. I of course lied for my mom because I was scared. Till this day I wonder what would happen if I spoke up, how different would have my life and brothers life been. If I just said something. So I dropped out of high school and went to continuation school because I had to work.
Now I am 28 and I am ready to pick up my childhood dream and go for it. I did some Acting recently for some shows that I am so grateful to have worked on. Silicon valley is one of the shows. I was a drunk at the time. So I cant even imagine the potential now that I am sober. Nothing is going to stop me this time not even the Alcoholism!
Thank you world and friends for reading this and continue to follow me on the journey of sobriety.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
DAY 8 Sober: Sober Saturdays
Hello World, Today is Day 8 Sober and i am feeling so good. I got 8 hrs of sleep with no Friday hangover! Its pretty awesome to know i wont ever experience a hangover. I am at Iota cafe, Such an awesome atmosphere. Today will be a first in a very long time. A sober saturday sounded like a hell in the past now it seems like a blast to know exactly how its going to end. In the past with my Alcoholism it would always end ugly. Or regretful. Its good to know i am in control of my saturday nights from mow on. Why are saturdays such a self abusive night for youth. Alcohol is such a powerful drug that has killed millions directly and in directly and yet still legal but end the its the youths mind that makes those choices. I am currently seating next to a couple who is about to order a craft beer. Craft beer was my favorite especially IPA’s. I am sipping on a carmel latte. I can spell the hops from here but i am staying focus and not even a visual or smell can take away my Happiness and focus.
Not sure whats on the agenda for tonight maybe some bored games, food, karaoke, I do love to dance. I am so in love with Ktown! Ill be with some awesome and supportive peeps. Its important to have that in your life but if you don’t thats ok because in the end of the day the only person that keeps you sober is yourself. I am starting to get back that passion again for things i wanted to do when i got older. I feel like my disorder stunted my growth so i am still that high school kid trying to figure out whats next. Well i have an amazing passion for film and writing. As a kid film took me away from the chaos that surround my childhood, For 2 hrs i would not be worrying about my next meal, or if i am going to get beat. I would live vicariously through the actors on screen and act out scenes, i would even practice my oscar speech over and over again. As i got older my taste and film has gotten a bit snobby i must admit but nonetheless the passion still there to Act, Write and create.
I have been in few things and I have started writing an amazing story but i am bias of course. Sia on pandora is pretty amazing at the moment. I will be filling you guys in on my first saturday sober in a video blog. I am so grateful for life and for the love that surrounds me thats shine through me. Staying sober and watching the disorder that centers in my mind will take work but I am one million times ready to take it on and eventually the disorder will loose so much power it would be more life a bird chirp than a train horn. Thank you all for reading this and for being so supportive!
Stay connect with love, Adolfo