Tag Archives: Alcohol-ISM

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June 26, 2014

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DAY 34 Sober: Sober Night Out!, Sober Hangover

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DAY 34 Sober: Sober Night Out!

Hello friends day 34 sober, just got in from a night out with some friends! I had such a fun time and I was sober.  In the past when i quit drinking I would dread going out because i wasn’t able to drink. I thought it was impossible to have a great time sober! I would be suffering inside well everybody drinks. I was still in the mindset of wanting to quit drinking and still wanting to live my normal life, I didn’t realize that every aspect of my old life had to change and I had to make a new normal! A better normal! I wanted to still hangout in bars with friends that were not healthy for me. I want to still surround myself with things that made me want to drink. It was that mental disorder that kept me in that routine because it wanted its fix! but now I am aware of the mental disorder call Alcohol-ISM (Inside Self & Mind) so now i can catch it when it feeds my mind lies and stories. 

 

So Tonight we ended up at a place called BEER BELLY which is a beer bar but this time around there was now craving of any sort, My craving now is for life and my long term goal! Beer belly has the best blue cheese & BuffaloWings, Duck Fries and Garlic Mac & Cheese! Its specality bar food! So i know now thats its possible to have an amazing time out on the town sober! life is amazing! I am so grateful for all the love and support! 

Sober Fun!

Sober Fun!

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Stay connect with love , Adolfo

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June 25, 2014

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Sober Stage

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DAY 33 Sober: Lady GaGa “Dope”

Hello friends today is day 33 sober and I am sitting at a cafe near my apartment on a hot day inn LA. I moved from Koreatown to near downtown area. I don’t mind it but do miss all my little spots.  I came across this song last night Lady GaGa “Dope” and it was really good. It reminds me that Alcohol-ISM hurts tons of people involved and I need to stay focus on my long term go and heal. Im about to start the list in a moment. Here are some amazing lyrics and what I think they mean. This song is for everyone Ive hurt because of my Alcohol-ISM disorder! Family, friends,and loved ones

 

“The party’s just begun / I promise this / This drink is my last one / I know that I f–ked up again / Because I lost my only friend.”

Her habits and addictions caused her to lose something more special and more important than dope, like her relationship, friends, or family

 

“My heart would break without you / Might not awake without you / Been hurting low, from living high for so long / I’m sorry, and I love you / Sing with me / ‘Bell Bottom Blue’ / I’ll keep searching for an answer cause I need you more than dope.”

” Bell bottom blue” is an Eric Clapton and Derek and the Dominos reference

“One last puff / And two last regrets / Three spirits  / And 12 lonely steps / Up heaven’s stairway to gold… / Oh, I feel so low from living high.”

indulges one last time in drink and drugs, and hits that path to recovery. She’s already feeling the effects of withdrawal and she’s not stoked about letting go of her dependencies, because they are tough to kick and they do provide a chemical comfort. But sometimes, you just gotta. To us, it sounds like she is facing the prospect of letting go of something powerful — be it dope or love. Perhaps this is her final kiss with her lover.

 


Stay connect with love,  Adolfo

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June 24, 2014

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DAY 32 Sober: False Identity, Sober Hangover

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DAY 32 Sober: False Identity

Hello friends today is my 32 days sober and I am very grateful! The Alcohol-ISM (Inside Self & Mind) has been very persistent when it comes to my feelings one minute I am happy and the next I am sad. The Alcohol-ISM is feeding my mind of thoughts that consist of the past. I need to realize that the person in the past was never I, It was a false Identity created by my past and the booze! It doesn’t make the pain I caused people any less or me not taking responsibility for what I’ve done but the person that I was 32 days age was not me one bit.

I am still evolving and learning at the moment. I used to worry that other people might judge or still view me as that person but that was a false Identity, false character. That was never really I. Those actions would have never happen if I were sober. So knowing that helps me let go of the guilt and shame that is necessary to grow into the person that has always been inside of you and me. It takes work to not let the Alcohol-ISM Take over your thoughts and mind but once you become aware that the voice in your head is not you, not only that but that the voice wants to destroy everything great in your life than it becomes easier to detect and when its easier to detect then you shut it down. So the real you can blossom into your true identity. 

So what causes a false Identity? I believe that their two aspects of false Identity. First the childhood than its how we process traumas in is life. What happens in the outside world affects us on the inside. It creates are opinions, are beliefs, are judgments, how we treat are self’s and others. How we value stuff over other stuff. What we look for in people. Why we get angry, why we get sad and jealous. What makes us feel good? What creates pleasure? 

So for me to evolve and grow I have to go back and connect the dots from my childhood and trauma too my thoughts. I have to make a list of the childhood trauma, adult trauma, what I’ve down wrong, and my thoughts that create feelings that hurt.  write them down and once I connect the dots put them on a self because it might resurface if I didn’t heal correctly. I know I cant heal it all in one day so the ones I cant connect at the moment I leave them on the list because one day Ill see that path and pattern.  I am grateful for 32 days sober and for everybody taking time to read my blog.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

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June 23, 2014

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DAY 31 Sober: Loved and Loneliness, Sober Hangover

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DAY 31 Sober: Loved and Loneliness

Hello Friends today is 31 days sober and I am so grateful for all the love I am getting from all over the world.  31 days ago I started Sober is the New Black and I did not expect this level of  support and love. I wake up excited for life and its hard me to fall asleep because life has been so amazing. I do have my moments of weakness were the Alcoholism comes out and tells me a sad story, the story is not one from childhood but its one from my last relationship. Its feeds me fear and thoughts of him with some else. My Alcohol-ISM puts thoughts in my head like what if I do this. In consumes my thoughts for a while causing me pain that is felt so deep it physical. 

 

So what I am realizing is I need to go back and self dissect my childhood starting with the beginning and connect the dots to my thoughts today. It will be hard but I need to free myself from the story of my profound misfortunate childhood. Breaks up are hard but also getting clean from addiction at the same time is kind of unbearable at times but what has helped me so much has been this blog, the support, being grateful, positive thoughts, and knowing the only love I need in life is the love for myself than love from others will follow.

 

Yesterday was so amazing at the same time it was very hard because I wanted to celebrate with a particular person but I couldn’t. Not sure why I wanted to spend it with him, Maybe I just wanted a hug or to feel someone else, it’s been awhile.  I am told old for a fling and I am attractive to connection over anything else but I think the reason for me wanting to spend yesterday with this one person is of course I miss him and still love him but I want him to get to know me and my heart now that I am in a amazing place. And maybe get some redemption. Kind of ironic I had so much love and support but still felt extreme loneliness. Yesterday I realized I still need to heal from the break up and from certain childhood trauma’s that make me feel such loneliness. So the next 30 days I will be going deep into the childhood trauma to reflect, connect the dots and heal!

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

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June 22, 2014

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DAY 30 Sobers: 720hrs43200min2592000sec, Sober Hangover

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DAY 30 Sober: 720hrs43200min2592000sec

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Hello friends today I’ve been one month Sober, 30days, 720hrs, 43,200mins and 2,592,ooo seconds  and I am so proud of myself this past month has thought me so much about myself. I feel like I have evolved so much. I really have no plans on how to spend the day; I slept in quite a bit. I might go watch a film. I kind of want to celebrate each 30 days, maybe with small treats and sometimes-big parties! Today I woke up a bit sad, I was dreaming of my old life, they weren’t of me drinking but of great times, maybe that’s why I stayed asleep for so long.  I’ve been getting my apartment organize and its almost finish, in the process I have to unpack all old memories pictures, birthday cards, tree ornaments, journals, and gifts.

 

This was my first real relationship so I am not sure what to throw out. I don’t want to throw out my journals but most them have writings about Vince, maybe ill just hide them until I am 100 percent. I only allow myself a few moments of sadness because it takes away from the possibilities from this moment right now! I need to focus on my new normal; its still ok and healthy to still grief the old life you have to move on but do not let it take away the whole day. Today is my 30 days and that’s a huge deal, the 30 days this time around means more because I did it from the bottom. I never had been so low.

 

So I love me some Stan Lee so X men: Days of Future past it is. I’ve wanted to see this film for the longest time now and today is a perfect day to treat myself and maybe a steak too. Alcohol-ISM never goes away so I have to really be on my game especially when I’m having not a 100 percent day because that’s when the Alcohol-ISM really comes out and really wants you to use. Life will give you moments that you don’t understand, do not agree with and will cause some pain and for me I need a game plan on how to handle those days in a healthy way because I am an addict and will always be. 

Today I feel gratefulness, joy, a bit sad, centered, self aware, and lonely. Thank you everyone who has been following my journey into sobriety its been scary at times and a form of my own therapy. To the next 30 days. Hope everybody enjoys there Sunday!

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo