Hello friends day 34 sober, just got in from a night out with some friends! I had such a fun time and I was sober. In the past when i quit drinking I would dread going out because i wasn’t able to drink. I thought it was impossible to have a great time sober! I would be suffering inside well everybody drinks. I was still in the mindset of wanting to quit drinking and still wanting to live my normal life, I didn’t realize that every aspect of my old life had to change and I had to make a new normal! A better normal! I wanted to still hangout in bars with friends that were not healthy for me. I want to still surround myself with things that made me want to drink. It was that mental disorder that kept me in that routine because it wanted its fix! but now I am aware of the mental disorder call Alcohol-ISM (Inside Self & Mind) so now i can catch it when it feeds my mind lies and stories.
So Tonight we ended up at a place called BEER BELLY which is a beer bar but this time around there was now craving of any sort, My craving now is for life and my long term goal! Beer belly has the best blue cheese & BuffaloWings, Duck Fries and Garlic Mac & Cheese! Its specality bar food! So i know now thats its possible to have an amazing time out on the town sober! life is amazing! I am so grateful for all the love and support!
Stay connect with love , Adolfo
Hello Friends today is day 34 sober and so far it’s been an amazing day. So I started my list of childhood traumas but it ended up being a more like a bio. I did not realize how much feelings would resurface. I got this extreme hurt and anger so I had to stop for the day, going to push through and continue later on. My goal in writing down my childhood is not trying to understand my parents or rationalize my parents behavior, my purpose is to go back and try to comfort that 3year old and to let him know its ok to let go and to move on. I am not trying to see my childhood from the perspective of my parents or brothers. I am just writing down how I felt at that moment and what I Experience. It might be a hard read for people and especially for my family but I need to be broken open to let it all out than to heal. After I am done I will meditate to find healing and peace. I know there is no rush but I’ve been with this hurt and anger for the past 28 years and I do not want to wasted any more time with it! I lived my whole childhood in fear with good reason but there is no need for me to live in fear now. I will post it when its finish.
This weekend is going to be an amazing one. My stepmother who also happens to be my best friend is coming out with my brother. We always have a blast and she is the person that knows everything about me and I can confide in. Food, Shopping and great conversations is what we have planned. We even got matching tattoos. There have been a few people in my life that’s been with me on my journey the whole time, my stepmother is one of them we are close in age and we have some much in common from music to the way we think, and are humor. I eventually would love to have the same relationship with my real father and mother but ok if it doesn’t happen. After all I’ve been through I still have deep love for them.
So tonight will be a rare social night for me. Some friends and I will be renting a room for karaoke. I used to hate karaoke because it would be at a bar in front of a bunch of people. In Koreatown you can rent rooms with some friends and sing your heart out. It’s more personal and intimate. Today I am grateful for 34 days of clear mindedness and the courage to change. I know it gets easier all I have to do is not drink.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo