DAY 216 Sober: Meeting with my father

Hello friends today is Day 216 sober, hope everybody enjoyed their Christmas near and far. This week has been really great. Seeing all my loved ones and enjoying their comforting voices made this the Best Christmas thus far, being clear minded and focus, helps me not crave during the holidays. No longer living for instant gratifications so I can work towards long-term gratifications, much more rewarding.

I was able to meet with my father. I was a bit nervous but knew it was important and necessary for my healing. On the drive to his house, I felt a bit nausea. As I got closer I started second guessing myself and felt my heart pounding as I walked to the door. I was hoping it would just be him and I, but my grandma opened the door. I was excited to see her, I don’t visit that much and she is getting older. My father was resting but came out and gave me a hug. We sat and talked for about an hour. Not really about the past, just about today and how we are both doing. My father is a strong man who had a hard life at a very young age. His father was an alcoholic and was never really around until late in his life. Addiction runs in the family.

I can still see he has some anger issues but now that my mind is clear I can see past his issues and accept him whole. As I want others to do for me. He has a very short temper and it showed up in the meeting, not towards me but I realized that’s his issue and it has nothing to do with me. That helped me not feel any emotions to his temper. I just sat there and listen. It’s huge progress in my recovery forgiving and letting go so I can move forward in my life without resentment, hurt and anger for my father. I did not get a clear answer on why my father used and why he did the things he did. What I do know is he battles with addiction and he does love me in his own way. I don’t think my father was taught how to love and care for children. He started working very young and the man he consider a father figure past in his twenties. After he lost his uncle (father Figure) my dad started using drugs and alcohol. Not one hundred percent sure but that’s my take on it.

In the past, I would get angry and hurt when he would get short tempered but I will no longer let his issue become mine or ruin my day. He’s also difficult to talk to at times because he is a bit old fashioned and never wrong. Most of our conversations tend to be him lecturing me and when I give my opinion it seems to frustrate him a bit. I guess we both have egos that need to be in check.  Feeling free from childhood wounds is a great feeling; those wounds are now titanium that will help me get through future obstacles. I have earned my wounds for a reason I am now beginning to understand. I can inspire and create art.  My aunt told me last night that my father was also a writer and love to read under trees but had to work and provided for his family since he was the man of the house. My dad never became a writer but maybe I can live this dream for the both us.  My childhood made me resilient in a way, able to deal with life on life terms. Clean and Strong, what a beautiful thing, Sober is the new black

home poem

home poem

 

 

This song from Ingrid Michaelson called home. Is such a beautiful song and I hope you all have a beautiful holiday at home wherever that may be.

 

 

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

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2 thoughts on “DAY 216 Sober: Meeting with my father

  1. Much of what I read here I see in both of my parents. My dad didn’t have a father, his dad was his drinking buddy instead. My mom was brought up in a very emotionally repressive family where you never say I love you’s and never have any contact more expressive than a handshake. I understand why they were so inadequate in raising their kids. I forgive because they did the best they could with what they had, which also was inadequate in preparing them to be parents. I, however, still cannot face the fear of contact. I don’t have the anxiety attacks thinking about it anymore, but I also don’t believe I am strong enough to handle mom’s belittling and degrading comments if she is in that kind of mood. I got the alcoholic gene from dad, and the mental illness gene from mom. It’s odd that they accept me as a gay man, but as a man with a depressive disorder that got severe enough to have the state of az recognize me as seriously mentally ill. What you said in your post caused me to pause and think. If I want them to be understanding with me, then I really have to give the same in return. I’m fine with the past, but the future, I haven’t been fair in judging their behavior and being tolerant myself. It gives me some things to think about when contact occurs again. The understanding of the why’s of their behavior helped with forgiveness, but I also have to take responsibility of my own behavior. Well, it’s slow progress but it’s progress. I am proud to hear you write about your path, and you should be proud of yourself too. You’re headed in the same direction I am, and I’m grateful you shared your experience here because it was helpful to me to see it.

    • Thank you for sharing this story. very grateful for this. One of the hardest things for me wasn’t letting go but trying to fit them back into my life but it’s been very self rewarding

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