Day 327 Sober: Amy Winehouse

Hello friends, today is day 327 sober. I’ve been under the weather with a cold. While having the cold I got food poisoning. The worst. Today is the first day I have the strength to write. The whole time I was sick I wanted to recover quickly so I can get back to sober is the new black. Writing helps me self reflect. When I’m not writing I feel stagnate, stuck and without a purpose. Just floating through life without really living.

 

When I was an active addict I was obsessed with Amy Winehouse, her music was so raw and in a way very rebellious. At the time I wasn’t aware I was an addict. I knew I would drink in abundance, was in a dark place. I wasn’t aware that everything that was going wrong in my life was due to substance abuse. The universe kept giving me signs with every car I crashed, with every friend I lost, with every fight that happen. I connected with Amy Winehouse music on so many levels. Now that I’m sober I still love her music but now my perception of her and her music has changed. I see an artist that was suffering, trying to find herself through her music. Lost and a bit disheveled not rebellious. Her behavior, which seemed reckless at times, was just a symptom from the mind and body disease. I feel a bit sad she was never able to overcome her addiction . Her music will live on and her life can be a lesson “addiction doesn’t discriminate; rich, poor, black, white, gay or straight”. If I kept on being an active addict it would have put me six feet under. I am so grateful for the awareness sobriety has brought me. When she past I was in complete shock, that day i felt a bit heavy with sadness. Even after her death i kept on using not seeing Amy tragic end as a lesson or wake up call.

 

When I was in my early 20’s I would never look towards the future. I was only looking for the next instant gratification which was getting high, buzz, getting off, money, shoes Etc. I didn’t care about the future or long-term goals because I didn’t think I was capable of anything great. My mind would feed me False lies from a dark past. It was so easy using my dark past as an excuse for my behaviors and habits. My infected mind wouldn’t allow me to see possibility, a great future, happiness, love, self worth. It kept feeding, past hurts, childhood stories, false self.

Just because one is sober the mind still can feed those negative stories but once you find a program that works and start healing. Those negative stories become strength. I now can go back, reflect and speak about my past without feeling hurt or anger towards them. It gets easier separating me from the mind and body disease. Catching those negative stories. Shutting it down in seconds. Sober is the New Black.

A new Documentary coming out this summer called Amy is about the rise and fall of Amy Winehouse. Opening our eyes to the real Amy. She was not her addiction. She was something greater.

One of my favorite performances from Amy is so raw  you can feel every word in her voice.

 

Here are Some of poems I’ve Recently birth.

Feel free to share my poems, just credit me.

You can find all my poems on my instagram https://instagram.com/soberwriter

 

No matter how dark the night, or how bad you feel. The sun will rise and a new day will shine. arise

We are all different and have unique qualities. making us perfect and one of a kind.

Little star

When I was a child, I wanted to fly away to a new life far from the one I had. I was lonely, abused, hurt and did not trust anyone. I know there might be other kids running away. When they are stronger and ready to come home. love will embrace them.

 

 

satellite

I’m very grateful for knowing and feeling true love.

his

There will be times when life gets hard, people that we love will pass. We cant give up or forget who we are in the chaos of life

look up

There are times when i lay in bed thinking I could have reacted better or done that better but when i lay in bed knowing i was the best me. That’s when i feel most beautiful inside and out.

beautiful

once you heal and let go.  happiness, joy, gratefulness, compassion will grow

seeds of change

I wrote this about my past addiction switching from cocaine to Alcohol

Overdosing

We all have moments of connecting with others. Whether its love or lust, I will not let my mind close me off to love. Or have expectations of love. Just be in the moment and enjoy their company.

magnolia trees

In the past i would let my circumstances dictate how i acted and saw the world. My life at the time define every part of me but i realized i am not my circumstances, I will create my life starting with my thoughts. When I change the way I look at things. The things I look at change.

world

Helping and Inspiring others is the greatest feeling of all

Shooting star

When we break we heal back stronger than before.

Break Bones

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

Day 310 Sober: Wonderful Unknowns

Hello Friends today is 310 days of sober. I am in a Café by the name of Iota in Korea town. It’s my favorite place it feels like home. As I was writing a man approached me, he was drinking and smelled of old stale beer. He was beyond drunk; he started talking about his life and how he wasn’t happy. In the beginning I was a bit annoyed because I needed to get some writing done but than I realized it was an opportunity to share my experience and maybe it can help. He seemed to be struggling with addiction. I saw “good” in him. I saw past his disorder. We all know the only person that can want to change is one self and he just didn’t seem opened to wanting it. Maybe he wasn’t ready for the work. I hope one day he finds that peace in sobriety.

This weekend Family came down to visit. We had a blast going to Bookstores, spa, ate some amazing foods and had great conversation. The more days fly on and months go by. The easier it is to stay sober. I’m cant even remember the old me and I’m madly in love with getting to know the new me. Every part of my life is flowing wonderfully Sober is my new black.  Sober is the best thing I have worn in my life. Substance abuse was a symptom to my inner turmoil of past pain that was never healed. I did not have the proper understanding or tools to heal.

I am coming up on a year sober. This year has been the most difficult but the most rewarding. It was like a rebirth, new beginning born from a heartbroken and dark end. Sobriety is number one and the rest follows because without sobriety I have nothing. The only thing I know about my future is my lips will never taste a whiskey kiss again after that I am not sure were my life is headed. The wonderful unknowns are a beautiful thing So much possibility, so much room for growth.

I know one-day I will have a love in my life that I will share a home with, watching each other grow inside and out. Seeing each other make mistakes and learn, building a bond so tight no outside influence can break it because I believe in love and will work my butt off for it. I now know how to build a healthy Relationship. It all starts with a healthy relationship with myself. For me love is the most important thing in my life, saying I love you and feeling love for someone isn’t the most important thing. The most important thing is how you show your love to that one. Listening, compassion, giving advice when asked, loving unconditional because we all have ups and downs within our self’s and sometimes one of us needs to be that rock so the other can Break.  Sober is the New Black

 

I’m in the process of finding a bigger place for myself. I’m out growing my apartment and need to create a space in my home for my writing. A little corner filled with some inspiration. Looking to move away from downtown LA, not really inspired their, maybe closer to Hollywood or the Westside.

 

 

Here some poems I’ve written the passed couple of days,The first one is about dreams I’ve been dreaming lately. Dreams of peace

 

This one is about when i find that love, building a relationship on life journeylifes Journey

 

This one is about finding life beauty with are 5 senses

5 senses

 

This one is about rewriting a new life away from past hazeBurn pages

 

Brandon flowers just released a new video called Can’t Deny my love staring Evan Rachel Wood. This video is very symbolic to my journey into my sobriety. Leaving and walking into the unknown, learning and healing. Hope you enjoy it.

 

 

 

Sober is the New Black

 

Stay Connect with Love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

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DAY 260 Sober: Living For Love

Hello Friends, today is day 260 sober. Every time I hear about substance abuse taking away someone life, famous or not famous, I feel a wave of sadness flow upon my skin. I just hope if there is anyone still using, find strength and reach out to someone who could help. I also hope families who have lost loved ones to addiction find some peace in knowing Nobody is born wanting to become an addict. It’s a mixture of circumstances that create the addicts mind and the circumstances vary in each addict. I feel very grateful for that moment of clarity on May 24 2014.

 

The longer I am sober the more I’m finding me, finding the great stuff, but also the stuff that needs to be worked on personally and professionally. The past few days I’ve been waking up in a grouchy mood but I am sober and that’s in itself a blessing. Today I feel great. The beginning of sobriety, I was a bit confused by the saying “ one day at a time”. I can’t just live one day at a time, I need to work towards my future and towards my healing but now I get it. All I can do is be present “in the moment” as I work towards the future and when Life doesn’t go as plan all I can do is accept it and figure out what is the next right move towards my future.

 

I don’t know what my future holds for me, but I know I can be the co-creator with the ultimate creator. Being sober is really new for me. I’m less than a year sober, but I am already in visioning a marriage, kids, and a home maybe not in la maybe somewhere green with a forest in the back yard. I want to connect with someone on a spiritual level, who accepts me whole, with flaws. Who allows me to make mistakes in order to learn I don’t want to become one with someone but be two separate beings that face the world together, not letting the outside influence how we feel about each other.  I crave human connection on a deeper level.

Dealing with life sober can be scary, confusing at times, sad, overwhelming but that’s when choices come into play, I can be the solution to the issue or I can make it into a bigger problem. Continuing making the right moves down the path called life. Sober is the New Black.

Love Softly

 

Madonna Living for love is what I’m doing “In this moment” working towards love.

 

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 216 Sober: Meeting with my father

Hello friends today is Day 216 sober, hope everybody enjoyed their Christmas near and far. This week has been really great. Seeing all my loved ones and enjoying their comforting voices made this the Best Christmas thus far, being clear minded and focus, helps me not crave during the holidays. No longer living for instant gratifications so I can work towards long-term gratifications, much more rewarding.

I was able to meet with my father. I was a bit nervous but knew it was important and necessary for my healing. On the drive to his house, I felt a bit nausea. As I got closer I started second guessing myself and felt my heart pounding as I walked to the door. I was hoping it would just be him and I, but my grandma opened the door. I was excited to see her, I don’t visit that much and she is getting older. My father was resting but came out and gave me a hug. We sat and talked for about an hour. Not really about the past, just about today and how we are both doing. My father is a strong man who had a hard life at a very young age. His father was an alcoholic and was never really around until late in his life. Addiction runs in the family.

I can still see he has some anger issues but now that my mind is clear I can see past his issues and accept him whole. As I want others to do for me. He has a very short temper and it showed up in the meeting, not towards me but I realized that’s his issue and it has nothing to do with me. That helped me not feel any emotions to his temper. I just sat there and listen. It’s huge progress in my recovery forgiving and letting go so I can move forward in my life without resentment, hurt and anger for my father. I did not get a clear answer on why my father used and why he did the things he did. What I do know is he battles with addiction and he does love me in his own way. I don’t think my father was taught how to love and care for children. He started working very young and the man he consider a father figure past in his twenties. After he lost his uncle (father Figure) my dad started using drugs and alcohol. Not one hundred percent sure but that’s my take on it.

In the past, I would get angry and hurt when he would get short tempered but I will no longer let his issue become mine or ruin my day. He’s also difficult to talk to at times because he is a bit old fashioned and never wrong. Most of our conversations tend to be him lecturing me and when I give my opinion it seems to frustrate him a bit. I guess we both have egos that need to be in check.  Feeling free from childhood wounds is a great feeling; those wounds are now titanium that will help me get through future obstacles. I have earned my wounds for a reason I am now beginning to understand. I can inspire and create art.  My aunt told me last night that my father was also a writer and love to read under trees but had to work and provided for his family since he was the man of the house. My dad never became a writer but maybe I can live this dream for the both us.  My childhood made me resilient in a way, able to deal with life on life terms. Clean and Strong, what a beautiful thing, Sober is the new black

home poem

home poem

 

 

This song from Ingrid Michaelson called home. Is such a beautiful song and I hope you all have a beautiful holiday at home wherever that may be.

 

 

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

DAY 22 Sober: Heading back to LA

Hello friends its day 22 sober and I am having a great day.  The past couple of days have been amazing. It was nice being back home sober. I wish I had more time to see all my loved ones. I did not get a chance to see my mom but I did get to talk to her,  She seems in a good place, which brought me some comfort! I did get a little sad yesterday morning; I think I was just missing my apartment and routine. I did start having Alcoholism thoughts that consist of some negative thoughts, I thought people were disappointed in me for all the chaos I caused but my mind was trying to tell me a false story but I caught it before in ruin my day. Alcoholism doesn’t care how amazing the surroundings are around you it will always try and come out so I can hit that bottle again but I am so happy that I can now catch it before it gets to that point. I just change the thought process. 

 

I been wanting to get a Remembrance tattoo for my love Magnolia but the artist I use is out here. I knew this trip would be the perfect time. Magnolia is with me all the time, I feel her and see her in my dreams. It came out perfect. I will be getting some other tattoos soon including a Sober is the new black.  This trip has been filled with laughter, great talks and some amazing food.  I made some great moments that will eventually over shadow the drunken moments. I see people around me differently, ever person that I meet I want to connect with them and know their story. I want to love everyone that comes into contact with me. My eyes, heart and my eyes are clear at the moment. I just have to stay sober and focus on my long-term goals. My mind is a beautiful thing I just cant let it become my enemy again. In 8 days ill be 30 days and I can’t believe it! 

 

I’m leaving with peace in my heart for my father and mother. When I get back home I will be eating better, still focusing on staying sober, building on new relationships and old ones, write, write, write, love, love and love! This trip is amazing but I am excited to get back to LA and hit up my coffee shops. Thank you Universe for this amazing trip I am so Grateful for this trip.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

My Trip

My Trip