DAY 75 Sober: Seeing Past Differences

Hello Friends today is day 75 Sober. I have the next two days off, my goals to write and get most of poems finish. I have four done that just need to be polish. It’s a series of twelve poems all have a common thread of addiction. They are a bit dark but the ending will end with greatness. I am working to get it publish once its finish. Going to do a series once a year. It is taking some work but I know that the outcome will be great. Today I met someone who has a different view of life than I do. We sat at a bench and started talking, He is straight and I am gay but we both ended up seeing past are differences and notice we had some similar connections. One being a break up caused by us. So we shared stories, laughed, shared deep stuff and got very vulnerable. To the point I had tears in my eyes. In that moment for me I only saw similarities. In that moment I knew there was a lesson to be learn, seeing past my own ego and to only focus on similarities and eventually what separates us will no longer exits because I value friendship over ego. He was open to it having a conversation that allowed that to happen and I have to know some people are committed to not understanding me, or my addiction, or my program. Other people might not want open up and only see difference, that’s ok, I can’t focus on that. When I was suffering with Addiction I was always getting offended by what people said or did. When people had opinion that didn’t match mine I would take it personally, my feelings would be so hurt. Now I really want to work on seeing past differences. Not letting other people views affect my emotions that stop me from building a connection.

 

Affirmation is something I will be implementing in my life, in the morning and before bed. Now that I am getting rid of those negative thoughts I want add positive thoughts, thinking them and also saying them out loud. Life has been pretty amazing in the past 75 days; everything is becoming clear and peaceful. I am seeing people in a different light and my passion for writing is the strongest it’s ever been. I will keep working on my Recovery program so Alcohol- ISM (Inside Self & Mind) voice eventually fade away. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for life, for you the reader and for the peace I feel.

 

 

 

Stay Connect with love,  Adolfo

 

Switchfoot Dare you to move is such a powerful song

DAY 65 Sober: A Coffee Shop Boy

Hello friends, today is day 65 sober, yesterday when I left work I was headed to write but felt sick  and started to get hives. So I decided it was best to head home. I jump in bed at 5pm and woke up today at 11pm, no work. I woke up a few moments in the early am hours to rummage in my fridge for a quick bite, which consisted of peanut butter and pretzels. I feel fine today and the hives are almost gone. Growing up I always got hives and shingles due to stress. I am now at a Boba coffee shop in Koreatown it’s my new favorite spot. It rained a bit today in Los Angeles, which is weird for July. This coffee shop has the best coffee and some great eye candy. This is the second time coming here and I walked in and this boy was standing behind the counter and I was focus on looking for my debit card but when I looked up, I was stunned by his physical appearance, sweat started to pour down my face and I was flush red. He did not have a name tag but I haven’t felt that way in a longtime since Vince, I would always get nervous around him. Even at the end. I will appreciate the physical beauty of a man but will only act when I feel that inner connection that I want. I do wonder what he thought seeing me get all flustered, I know he notice my weirdness, he probably thought man that guy must have workout or man he sweats a lot. Well it was raining so that could have saved me. Ok I need to focus as he’s working right in front of me. I can give you a play by play but this post can’t be all about a beautiful coffee shop guy.

 

On the way to this coffee shop I was sitting on the metro tuning into peoples conversation and what I heard is a lot of dislike about life, which is valid points because I don’t walk their steps but it got me thinking about myself. I need to be a lot more aware of words I put out into the universe. I am not a negative person but I am not perfect and can always be better. At work I tend to speak out about stuff I don’t like, when I do that then I am not living in a state of gratefulness. I should always say what I love about life or always see the sliver lining. Like I can be waiting for the bus, its hot and I am tired, instead of saying it or let my emotions get tied up in the thoughts I can think or say thank you higher power for this sober ride home and thank you for this job that have that I can live comfortably with and still have some leftovers for my fun. As I get to sober and get to know me, I am finding some amazing awesomeness but also I finding cracks that have been harden from long term self abuse and outer abuse that need to be heal and it starts with my thoughts and thinking. I get millions of thoughts a day and that’s ok and some might be negative and that’s ok but they key is not letting the negative thoughts affects my emotions, words and my attitude of the moment. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for my inner beauty, beauty in life and this beautiful coffee shop boy. Landon Pigg “Falling in love at a coffee shop” is a perfect song for this moment.

Stay connect with love, Adolfo