3 Years Sober

 

Hello, Friends today I’m 3 years sober. The last few days I have been celebrating with loved ones, including a dinner tonight. This past week I have been Self Reflecting on my journey in recovery. It brings me to tears seeing where I’ve been and where I am at today. The pain, the struggle, the tears, the work, the sadness, the healing, the unknowns, the anxiety, the fears were all worth this moment here now. I feel peaceful and immense gratitude for my recovery. Life does get better even in challenging times. Now that I’m sober and clean I find the solution quicker or see my human errors faster. It seemed like my second year sober has flown by. Time goes fast, while I am happy, content and sober. While in addiction it seemed like time was the enemy, filled with pain and waiting for the next drink.

 

This year my goal was to create new experiences, create a healthy balanced life, and work toward my dreams. I also wanted to get to know myself more see my defects and assets clearly. A balanced lifestyle is vital for my life because it prevents another addiction or stops any obsessions from growing. Now that my soul and mind feel clean, healthy and free I am starting to work on my body. I stopped nicotine, and cut back on my caffeine intake. I allow myself one cup of coffee in the morning instead of 5 shots of espresso. I also stopped diet cokes and red bulls. I want to be free from all vices and really present in my day. I want to be healthy all around, and don’t want to take life for granted.

 

My second year sober has been amazing but at times challenging. There are areas in life that I’ve made real progress like working towards my book series and my relationship but I also regressed in other areas. It’s okay to have moments of regression because we are human and not perfect. What’s important is to see the regression, see the poor choices or find my human errors and defects. It’s important to take accountability and accept the consequences. These human errors are just lessons to bring a greater awareness of self. I can choose to wallow in pity and sit in sorrow or learn and make different choices. Every time I have a human error, I forgive myself right away. I have to, I don’t allow my ego or infected mind to beat me up but I do change what is needed or find out why I did what I did.

 

Forgiving yourself is freeing, it brings you back to the present where the solution lives. In the past I would be sad for days, allowing my mind to be abusive to my soul. In sobriety I came to a realization that I am not my past; I am the lesson learned from my past. I have to stay vigilant because my disease never goes away. Everyday I ask myself questions like what is guiding me? Is it my diseased ego mind or addiction voice? Is it my higher power or true self? When life seemed chaotic I knew I took a wrong turn somewhere or living from my ego. When I become aware that I am off track than I search within my soul to see where I got off track. My reactions, emotions, and situations are evidence showing me there is something wrong inside myself. Through prayer and meditation I can slow the mind to find the solution. After I see my human errors make different choices and keep it moving. Human errors are easy to overcome when I don’t wallow in pity but find the lesson or solution.

 

My second year sober was not challenging in the sense of not drinking, I’ve only had one craving in three years sober and that was in my first few months. Challenging in living life on life terms. I have to accept the universe, I can’t fight against it. I will lose, the universe is way more powerful than my human capabilities. Also the universe is always speaking to me and showing me what I need to do or stop doing, what needs healing or gives opportunities for growth.  It might feel horrible or uncomfortable but its trying to push me to my full potential. Life is real, truer, and I also feel life extremely.

 

Something I realized this year is I don’t do well in stressful situations, and in the past I was better. I need to really work on calming my mind and body in unforeseen events.  I tend to get deep anxiety that can last for a week. That just the way my body and diseased mind works. I don’t take medications for my anxiety and have holistic treatments, if it gets bad. In my second year sober I felt more anxiety than usual. I had to accept what I was feelings and let it flow out of me. I had to sit on a cold floor, take a warm bath, let out tears and meditate, or go for a walk. In the depths of addiction, I wasn’t living, feeling, or dealing with life. Sober has forced me to deal and feel.

 

 

I still consider myself a newbie because I am only three years sober, three years of getting to know true self, watching my mind and healing my darkness. I still don’t know all the reasons why I became an addict but in time they will surface. It took sometime for me to realize that a reason for my Addiction was to numb my anxiety. My first year sober was more about getting to know the addiction that lived in the mind and separating addiction from true self. My first year sober I was overly focused on doing whatever it took to maintaining sobriety. This second year was all about creating a more balanced life and recovery program. I got to be very intimate with myself so I know what worked and what didn’t.  Life also got more complex, so i had to learn how to balance healing in recovery and creating a healthy relationship. I was able to find a more balanced recovery program. My life has gotten bigger, a lot of change and also new challenges. I moved into a new home with the love of my life, got a new job, loss some people and stop nicotine. In those big changing times I did not crave and for that I am grateful.

 

Challenging times is only a challenge if I define it as a challenge. I can change my perception to an opportunity to learn. I have to always see the sliver lining. It does get easier to not pick up a drink but that doesn’t mean life is miraculously perfect or gets better without work, time and effort. I had to take time to sit with myself to see what I needed to heal, I had to put work in to change the way my mind thinks. I do find myself being able to find happiness within my soul in hard times easily. I don’t allow my mind to run off or allow my emotions to bring me to a dark place. I allow the tears to flow and accept what is. Accepting what is creates freedom to change or create. If I don’t accept what is than I am not dealing with reality, it will create anger or resentment towards people and the universe.

 

I am also learning what it means to form healthy relationships, create boundaries with some and cutting out people who are unhealthy. My life was going great in most aspects and some parts of my life seemed chaotic. In one relationship in particular, I kept allowing bad behavior from a person. I kept forgiving and letting go, than found myself week’s later stressed out, filled with anxiety or hurt by them again. It’s no ones fault but my own, it has to come back to self, I allowed their bad behavior. I had to take deep look within my soul to see why I allowed their bad behavior to go on for so long. I still don’t have a clear answer since we recently parted ways. I do know there is some unhealed trauma that allows unhealthy people into my life. That relationship was causing deep anxiety.

 

Forgiving doesn’t mean I should still be around them if the bad behavior continues. Since I kept allowing that person to hurt me, the pressure built and built and I imploded with anxiety.  I can forgive and let them go. I still care deeply for this person they’re part of my family. So I know I need  to coexist with  boundaries. My well-being and sobriety has to come first over everything including my relationships. I don’t know what the future holds for that person and me. I’m wiser because of the failed relationship. I also have to acknowledge the blood on my hands in the failed relationship and see what I can do better. I can’t change them but can change myself. That person brought out issues that I need to work on. In some weird way I am grateful for that experience because it has forced me to start creating boundaries and taught me to communicate when I feel a hurt by another person. Not to say everything is fine when it’s not. I was burying my emotions that created me to have irrational behavior. That person was a great teacher.  I had to go through that experience to see there is something in me that needs healing for allowing bad behavior in my life. I am grateful for that chaotic time because it is bringing me a greater self-awareness.

 

I want to around people who enhances my life and not around chaos and drama. I have forgiven and have compassion for that person. I also can’t spend energy and time trying to find closure. There will be times I wont have closure and I have to accept that. That person is committed to never understanding my feelings or why I had to cut them out. I can’t force someone to take responsibility; I had to accept that person doesn’t care. In any loss relationship whether with friends or family it’s hard. Feeling the loss is hard but possible to overcome wiser.This second year sober has taught me how to say no to others and yes to myself.

 

I am grateful for my sobriety that has allowed me to see clearly who is unhealthy and who is healthy. I am grateful for my partner Vince who is my biggest cheerleader but also a person who calls it like it is. He shines a light on my defects and assets. He helps me see the good and not so good in me, I am not perfect but always a work progress. This year sober theme was duality, regressions but also blooming. There are still some old behavior that has brought chaos to my life, but I am grateful that I am sober so I can fully understand it and change it. I am never working towards perfection but towards be whole in my soul.

 

My book series is complete and should be out in 2018. It still feels surreal and brings tears to my eyes. Not only is it possible to overcome addiction but to achieve real dreams that once seemed far out of reach. I was always reaching for the bottle but now I am reaching for my dreams.

 

Stay connected with Love, Adolfo Vasquez

Here are some poems I created since my last post

 

16832249_1291018910966518_7316873182856623631_n.jpg

 

17554385_1327963120605430_1505488215607455524_n.jpg

 

 

17424751_1318168454918230_2878678747842126829_n.jpg

 

17883656_1337972706271138_1998656157446398319_n.jpg

 

18619988_1376622652406143_819482305231571534_n.jpg

 

18342022_1365027093565699_183556301903494672_n.jpg

 

 

17553520_1325131900888552_8654176745202411103_n.jpg

 

17155158_1311391632262579_8684895725451440633_n.jpg

 

17457600_1320704071331335_7605732713695365347_n.jpg

 

17191066_1306979616037114_8172742771670424211_n.jpg

 

 

Advertisements

1000 Days Sober

Hello Friends,

Today I’m 1000 days sober. I feel nothing but gratitude for the wisdom I’ve gained in my time sober. I know myself more than ever, “who I am” and “who I am not”.  I clearly see my innate gifts and what my issues are.  Since my mind is clear and sober i get to act on my innate gifts while working on my issues. Issues I find deep in my soul. There’s still a lot of learning ahead. Some lessons will be through pain and some will be easy. I just have to accept whatever the universe gives me. Know there is a reason why things happen. I might not be able to see the lesson right away so I just have to accept what is. The lesson might arrive later once the pain subsides. I can’t always know why everything happens, i just have to accept that it does. I can’t run or hide or bury what is, i have to fully embrace it and make the necessary changes. The universe is very powerful and has magic  my human eyes can’t always see. I just have to stay open for the lesson.

I’ve been working on my first novel that has turned into a three book series. I use to think it had to be done right away or within a years but I can’t rush this process, I just have to let it come alive. All three books are basically done and the editors are ready but I am still making some small adjustments. There’s only been one person to read through all three books. This person is an avid reader, who usually finishes two books in one week. They loved the series so that was huge relief and a boost in my confidence. Right now I am in a stage called “The Middle” that’s in between the realization of the goal or dream and the achievement. I am finding “The Middle” to be the most important part because it defines the destination. The middle has also been the most fun because it’s where I am most creative. The middle might is where i spend most of my time, so I have to enjoy it. I have to allow space, failures, growth and change to happen. The middle part is where I see what needs to be change, what work needs to be done, and it allows me to put in a plan of action. In this stage I have to be kind to myself and enjoy the ride, dream big, and put in the work. I’ve been writing six hours a day for the past two years. The middle part has taken time but it’s necessary. My persistence overpowers my failures. Failures are necessary and rejection is inevitable, but it’s not the end destination.

 

I don’t have all the answers on how to stay sober or be successful in life, all I can do is work towards my goals and dreams. All I can do is live one day at a time and try to be present in each day. I know that my ego is the creator of all misery. If I’m upset or angry somewhere in that pain is ego. I know I will always have Alcoholism, Alcohol-Inside Self and Mind. I know my disease centers in my mind that creates the body craving. That’s why I have to always be aware of the mind voice, but it has gotten very quite since I’ve been sober. As of now, my true self seems to be stronger than my disease but I know it wont always be this way. There will be extreme pain ahead, people will die in my life but my recovery program is my safety net. My second year sober has been pretty effortless but there have been some life challenges. I now face life challenges head on and embrace those uncomfortable feelings instead reaching for a drink. Feeling life is very important in recovery, feeling everything and not burying it. So I cry when I need to or laugh when I want to. My feelings now live on my skin and not underneath whiskey poison. Burying my feelings will create an infection that creates holes in my soul. When holes in the soul are created we try to fill them with outside false happiness like shopping or food or sex but the goal is the not let the holes get there in the first place. So I can’t bury my feelings I have to embrace my feelings. The more challenges I face in life, the more wisdom and strength I will gain. If life becomes too hard, drinking is off the table, I can write or do something that can calm my soul. I’ve only had one craving for that whiskey poison and that was in my first months sober, cravings have seemed to vanish. I make sure to stay grateful for my sobriety, if i wasn’t sober than i would have nothing. My home, my partner, my family or friends. Human connection is the most important thing in my life.

The longer I am sober, the more I forget that I was once an addict. Since being sober I have created so many amazing memories, it seems like the new great memories are erasing the old past pain. The past is the past, it’s not my current moment. I can’t use my infected past guide my day or I can’t react to the present with the past. Now that I am sober, I have a clear slate to create anything I want.  The past doesn’t play over and over in my head, I no longer feel that deep shame of my past addiction. We are not our addiction symptoms, not the past pain, the shame or guilt of hurting loved ones. We are the courage and strength it took to change, that’s our True self.  There has been a lot of happy memories made in my 1000 days sober and I focus on those. I no longer wake up to blackout crimes or wake up with hangovers, now I wake up to goals and dreams. I’ve been working on achieve those. If we can overcome addiction, just imagine what else we can accomplish. If we took that hard work  and dedication we put into our recovery program and apply that into a relationship or career we would see success in those areas.  Meeting small goals in life will build confidence and small goals lead to big goals or life changing goals. Small goals are very important and should be celebrated, like making a month sober, how incredible is that. The courage it took just to get sober for a month, go for another month. Months add up and eventually you will be a year sober, and years add up too.

The people I lost due to my addiction are back in my life, but my relationships are better than before. I feel a deep connection to the people in my life, it’s as if my compassion and empathy for other humans have grown. I love bigger and unconditional but not just other i have deep love for myself. I feel like i am own greatest fan and best friend. I treat my body, mind and soul with deep respect. Our body is the only real home we have. I now understand what it means to be good to other humans and  enjoy human connection more than ever. Every single day I try to be as present as my mind allows. I trust others but more importantly I trust myself in taking charge of my life and making decisions.

Healing is not about becoming happier, or feeling bliss all the time. Healing is more of letting go of everything that isn’t my true self. Letting go of child abuse, letting go of my traumas, letting go of the addiction, letting go everything that is preventing my full potential and only than am I healing, and left with my true self.

Below is some New Poetry  since my last blog post.

15697661_1224105724324504_5621761300680385362_n.jpg

14199477_1120577354677342_3183564724744410926_n.jpg

15823722_1243263012408775_5033332904255918091_n.jpg

16508136_1274312045970538_4857695067035585858_n.jpg

15941021_1248202891914787_4623502747644584892_n.jpg

16002869_1255635651171511_7837503824745267278_n.jpg

12573805_965877096814036_2240624999664179668_n.jpg

14141702_1111083938960017_8551334827034934818_n.jpg

14046009_1105747856160292_5502614699189512497_n.jpg

13615317_1080937471974664_1026906063228182833_n.jpg

13718503_1078322318902846_8309989886359874575_n.jpg

13466351_1062672333801178_102393430045193634_n.jpg

13406826_1052599371475141_3161658666470266236_n.jpg

16683825_10154413787631295_3578230501626862497_n.jpg

13418865_1051719524896459_2105469664739698797_n.jpg

Stay Connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

Day 353 Sober: Building myself

Hello Friends today is day 353 sober. Just got back to LA from an amazing trip back home in Palm Springs. I spent mother’s day with both mothers, grateful for the sober mind that allowed me to enjoy each moment. My year sober is in a couple weeks. It’s kind of surreal to have made it this far without cravings. It went by quickly. This journey has been so rewarding in every aspect of my life, Mind, body and soul. The ones I lost because of past addiction are coming back around.

Day 1 sober I was sitting on a mattress in an empty room. I was empty and broken inside. No purpose, no clear path, not writing. I felt defeated but I knew the reason for all the turmoil was due to alcohol. Fast forward to today, actually living a life that I am proud of. Feeling weightless of the past. Seeing people with love instead of ego. I will always be working but today I’m enjoying 353 days of sober.

I stumbled upon an amazing app called Sober Grid that connects me with other sober people in my local area. It’s available for all smart phones. It really cool, like a community sharing their day, posting inspiration on the news feed, and they even have a burning desire if someone needs to talk at anytime of the day.   It’s hard sometimes to meet other sober people who can relate and understand. In the past I’ve meet some cool people who find out I’m sober, they tend to get scared off like I’m contagious.

I am aware that being sober carry’s a stigma that we are boring. Others might not want to invite me because they want to have a drink without feeling guilty or worry. I’m at a point in my recovery were I can be around alcohol and not crave it. My life is to amazing to ever want my lips to touch another bottle.

When I was an active addict I was not fun, maybe in the beginning but once I blackout I would make drunk scenes. Get emotional and act out in ways that were not my true self. I would wake up the next day and have a feeling of deep shame. Now when I go out, I’m in control of every situation and outcome. I’m now Laughing, dancing, being myself, a wiser and more positive person. I’ve notice the universe is bringing more like minded people in my life and taking away all the negative thinking people.

When I was using, I would always build myself in bars. By stretching the truth, lying, or hiding my past. I did that because I was empty inside. I knew up to that point I had amounted to nothing. Hearing others succeeding in life made me feel low. When I look back on my tall stories, I can’t help laugh at how delusional I was.

So I now I build myself up in healthy and mindful ways. Asking myself what needs to be worked on. Whether it’s work on my health or old wounds. Being aware of my emotions for example if I’m hurting or feel jealous I will ask myself “why I’m I feeling that way”? Than follow that string of pain to the source. Once I find the source than I could heal by letting go and forgiving. I also build my self up in other ways like Creating love for every part of my body and if I’m not happy with my waist than making healthy choices in my eating habits. Believing that I am worthy of self-respect. Working on long-term gratification instead of living for instant gratifications. Writing poetry. Sober is the New Black

 

Here are some poems and two short stories.

 

I wrote this awhile back but yet to share it. At 11:52am an incident happen that took my breath away. this was the moment.

 

11:52

I’ll do whatever it takes to evolve from old ways

move

We all have disagreements with friends and family but now i value the saving the relationship than being right or wrong

value

 

I was always searching for outside things because I felt empty inside. nothing I found would be lasting, creating a greater need for more things. Making it a vicious cycle of need.

seeking

whatever happens in life, whether good or bad. don’t break from your truth

be still

On day one sober, I was still bruised from my life crashing down but i found the beauty in the fall. so I just hold on for another day.

beauty in the dust

Feeling life always to the extreme.

 

a bit about me

I want to learn something new everyday

fear

Love is one of my favorite feeling for myself and for others

i love you

About that one love

i

I love always love big, i don’t know how to love small

love

Adapting to change easy is a great quality to master

survive

Wrote this awhile ago, for that one boy

my boy

Sober is the New Black

This video from London Grammar is Amazing. Love this song Strong

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 317 Sober: Holes in ones soul

Hello friends, today is day 317 sober. In 10 months sobriety I have felt more inspired in my life than I have ever been. Even more inspired than when I first get sober. I realize my disorder centers in my mind that leads into the body. The roots are in mind and body in the form of thoughts, Emotions, the way I see the world. Once the roots are pulled out than I am left with holes in my mind and soul. I have to now create positive thoughts and feelings towards myself. When I first got sober and pulled those roots out the body cravings left right away. Cravings will come but less and less. They will not be stronger than my truth.

 

I also believe every time someone goes through some traumatic experience it creates holes in their soul, if it doesn’t heal than those holes stay. In the past I would fill those holes up with booze, clothes, substance, sex, anything to make me feel whole and happy. Those things of instant-gratifications, those fillers don’t last long they are a false happy. At the time they made me feel happy, whole and warm but soon faded still leaving the holes so the appetites grow. The Holes are not supposed to be filled only healed. I had to stop filling those wholes up with outside stuff and start to heal inside. I do believe people become whole in points of their lives but someone will pass close or a traumatic experience will happen again creating holes but this time I can heal properly with letting go, my higher power, learning from the lesson and acceptance.

Some traumas I experience might take longer to heal and some might even take years with waterfalls of tears but I have to grieve not numb. Understand and live in the bigger picture of life and not stay in small circumstances that happen in ones life. Sober is the New Black

The past few days I’ve been in a writing mood, staying up into the early mornings of the day. Here are some of my poems that I hope inspire others

 

 

The first poem is when I am having what seems like a bad day, its my job to find the good.

each day

 

 

Changes always start with thoughts. Changing the way I think to positive ones makes it easier to overcome everything

change

We all have thoughts in the mind that is not who we are. They are from past traumas that feed use lies preventing us from reaching our full potential. EGO

ego

 

We all have been to places, not so great places. Places we want to never go again. These are some of i speak of

i know places

Feeling sad can be used as fuel for change turning it into a blessing. Its a great opportunity

disguise

 

Sometimes I have remind myself that I am not living in yesterdays mistakes or tomorrows worries, bringing back to now in peace

now

 

Whenever you are feeling a bit down, the only thing that can help is going inside finding that higher power that’s in us all.

natural high

 

I always write with emotions and my truth. I had a not so great childhood like millions of others. This one was a bit hard to write but necessary to get out what i needed at the time. I had all forms of child abuse and it’s about healing old wounds that become holes becoming whole. connecting dots from childhood too addiction. I am not my past, I am who I choose today.

holes in soul

 

 

Sia is one of my favorite artist. She suffered from addiction in the past and her last album 1000 forms of fear is so inspiring. The is her latest music video featuring another amazing artist in name Maddie Ziegler. Hope you enjoy big girls cry

 

 

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

300 days of Sober

Hello Friends today is day 300 sober. It feels pretty amazing celebrating 300 days of sober in palm springs CA my hometown. Just Arrived at one of my favorite spots called Azul. Heading out to Las Vegas tomorrow.  I feel this new breeze of inspiration. In the beginning of 9 months sober I felt a bit of a haze of sadness. That has passed and feeling inspired again. I guess even people who don’t have an addiction go through periods of their life feeling a bit down. Sobriety forced me to self reflect, go inside myself finding my voice, inner light, find out why I was so self abusive. In doing so I found a love for poetry.

Poetry, poems, and prose are given life after I write them. They live on hopefully connecting with others. I hope they will Transcend from decade to decade. Even after I pass on. 100 years from now someone might read my poems and connect with it. Maybe it will help them, feel and understand what I meant in return keeping my spirit alive. Inspiring them to self reflect and heal encouraging them create art turning pain into inspiration.

When I am writing I feel free. No barricades, no filters, no boundaries. Away from ego and just my truth and feelings. I believe everyone is a writer and his or her life is the greatest story to tell. One can create their story in any art form, like photography, painting, writing, acting, creating clothes etc. Art is liberation. Liberation is where you find true self. That’s a place where I constantly want to live. Sober is the New Black

The past few months, I’ve been having dreams of my EX that would put me in a funk the next morning. The last two dreams was of him and his new boyfriend, in that dream I did not see him. I knew he was around because it was mention by others but I couldn’t find him. I just saw his shadows on the wall. It was like my mind was preparing me for a life without him or forcing me accept with is the truth. My mind did not want to see him yet. I did not wake up in a funk that time but an understanding.

The second dream I did see him face to face but he was unrecognizable, it was like I didn’t know who he was. He had long hair and tattoos. He would never. I feel that dream is telling me who I loved in the past isn’t who is today. I may be reading this dream wrong but Both dreams have been very therapeutic.

Last night I stay up a bit, scrolling trough old Facebook post. I went back to the beginning when Vince and I made it official Oct 29 2010. I wanted to see my old self, seeing old post brought me a sense of missing, not for booze but for his friendship. I also seen missed opportunities on my part that could have strengthened the relationship. I also saw myself as very stagnant no purpose, no fiery passion, and no sense of healing old wounds. That brought me another form of sadness, Vince never had the chance to see me blossom, what he worked so hard to help me with. I had some anger towards him recently but now I have no ill feelings. Sober is the New Black

I used to think Vince saved me but the reality was he taught me how to save myself and for that he will always be close to my heart.

In other news  Sober is the New Black apparel line is coming out in the next few months and my book will be finish in April than off to the editors. Who would have thought that this boy would be close to a year sober, with a book in the works, and an apparel line? Sobriety brings dreams that are so big my mind could not have thought it possible when I was at my rock bottom.  Well Vince always knew that it was possible for me to reach for dreams. Now I do and I will, I can and I did.

 

 

Here are some of the poems I birth this week, some joyful and some dark. All my truth in that moment.

 

I'm Possible

 

Days, weeks, years

 

Wine Stained Chains

 

11060835_10152808782801295_2927159436014427229_n

 

This song from Kelly Clarkson is my truth

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 295 Sober: Lack of Inspiration

Hello Friends today is day 295 sober. I just got to my favorite café in Korea town, this blog was started in k-town and I am sure one-day end in k-town. I am in my nine months sober and this month has been amazing but also a bit confusing. This month I have felt a lack of inspiration, my work season will be ending soon and I will have a few months of to do whatever I pleased.

Not sure were the lack of inspiration is coming from but it might have to do with me feeling my life isn’t were I thought it would be. Even with the lack of inspiration in my nine months I still did not have a craving for substance. The way I’m programming my mind is to always see the silver lining. 9 months is a huge deal but isn’t that long to have created a whole new life. I’ve been an addict most of my life so I can’t expect 9 months sober to change over 15 years of substance abuse. I just have to stay sober and work my shit out. I don’t want to sound ungrateful for what I have accomplished so far. Last year around this time I was in court due to my mind disorder. So looking back helps me see that every part of my life is going great without booze. Lately some negative thoughts have been creeping up in my mind and not in the form of wanting to use but in the way I see others and myself. I am happy to be aware of it so I can change the tune of that voice. I need to read more and hangout with my in light or others call it GOD. Its ok, to feel not feel ok. I just cant live in it and change whatever it is that’s is making feel not ok.

I’ve been traveling a lot and it’s been amazing. This coming weekend ill be headed out to Nevada. Very excited for that going for a concert. I am planning a month trip somewhere once my work season is complete. The season starts back up in August so ill have around 4 months off to write and work on sober is the new black.

 

I have always been a bit of an introvert and would rather sit and write or watch film than be out socializing. That is something I need to be working on. Lately I’ve been meeting some cool people, new friends and learning how to build healthy relationships. In the past if a friend offended me or did something that didn’t sit well with my ego I would cut them off. I didn’t realize any kind of relationship whether it’s a boyfriend, friend or family takes work to build a strong friendship. Like listening without ego, spending time, showing love in the form of actions not just words, making an effort etc. All relationships go up and down just grateful to have a clean mind to work it out.

I just want to stop losing people I love. I think the more I am sober the less likely people will leave my life and more likely stay. Sober is the new black.

 

 

Here are some poems that I have written the past few days, hope you enjoy some of these raw feelings

would you look at me you all you need is you dream vs grim tale

Completely not me from Jenny Lewis lyrics sing true to my heart. hope you enjoy it as well.

 

DAY 10 Sober: June Bloom, Planting Soul Seeds

Hello, Today is day 10 sober! So excited to make it to the double digits. June for me is going to be filled with mindfulness, Positive Reinforcement and Positive Actions. I wont allow any June Gloom in my life. Last night was my first night in my new Apartment it was pretty amazing knowing i did it all myself. no help. Yesterday move was a stressful day, but my Alcoholic disorder did not come out and infect my mind with negative thoughts. I did get a bit annoyed but i feel like that’s  natural and i did not react in a negative way.

 

I learn that life is going to get hard at some point and the only thing you can control is your reaction.  My Alcoholism is a disorder i have to live with for the rest of my life, it took me a long time to come to terms with that idea. June will be a month of me planting seeds in my soul. The seeds are Long term goals, joy, forgiveness, wellness,peace, truth sobriety, hope but i have to get all the weeds out. The past, Negative thoughts, Loneliness, Jealous, ego, comparison, judgement. I cant just leave the seeds i have to water and feed the seeds with patience, love, positive thoughts, laughter, empathy, self respect, and most important Sobriety. 

June will be amazing and filled with purpose.  below is a video i made last night before i left my old apartment.. Goodbye may Hello june bloom!

Thank you for all the support!

Stay connect with love, Adolfo