Hello friends coming to my end of 49 days sober. My previous Fridays used to consist of drunken blurs surrounded by others but now I find myself alone often , soul searching, writing, reading, and trying to figure out my issues. Fridays are my peace days. The chaos that comes with the week comes to an end and I am now well rested, ready for the weekend. Fridays are my time to reflect on how I can improve my awareness of my Body and mental disorder called Alcoholism for the following week. Sober is the New Black has been a great tool . I learned that if I don’t get enough sleep I could become very unhappy at work! I really need to get sleep or learn how to coupe with not getting enough sleep. Learning how to coupe with tried-ness without the booze is a bit hard but I am glad I am aware enough to fix it.
Fridays will now be my soul-searching days to guide me to a sober weekend ahead! Instill some courage, joy, and self-awareness is really fulfilling. The drunken blackouts, chaos, self abusive, not dealing with my issues, not dealing with feelings, hurting loved ones, vomiting my booze only to make room for more, eating nothing so I can get a quick buzz and not eating to stay drunk, waking up with body pain and mental pain only to do it all over again Saturday is not soul fulfilling anymore. I am starting to see the beauty in a quite night, I don’t want to sound like an introvert prude that doesn’t enjoy being around people but I need these Fridays to reflect so I can be a fun loving person dancing away with others in a night club. I do enjoy a great dance!
Sobriety is bringing me an understanding of what validation means in my life . I love hearing shares. To understand them without opinions or judgments. To really connect with their words and feelings. Show compassion and empathy without a single thought of deposition. I am not my brothers’ keeper; I am brother so when he suffers I suffer. I got a tattoo a couple years ago subconsciously not fully understanding the meaning but now I get it! Now I fully connect with it. Its in a shape of a heart and it reads “I am you, you are me we are one” For me I see it as we both are separate identities but when you take away all are individual beauty that’s make us all amazing, I feel we find a common thread that connects each other souls. I want to live in that space always!
Oprah shows on her own network have been such a help in giving me advice and tools to implement in my life, I know people have their on views on her but I enjoy adding spiritual stuff to my life also with my program, It works for me and keeps me sober! And staying sober has to be me my number love in my life. The rest will fellow!
Here is a video that helps me with understanding how to disconnect from my past story my mind tells me about in my present!
Hello Friends today is day 45 sober!!! Today is such a beautiful day, my best friend, mother of my brothers, Stepmother, concert and tattoo buddy BIRTHDAY! She has been in my life since I was a toddler. She left my father years ago because she wanted a better life for my two brothers and herself. She has been by my side at every moment of my life, even from a far. She loves me with an open hand allowing me to make mistakes and Evolve. She gives great advice, and listens. She came into my life when she was only fifteen; my father was a very difficult man at times so whenever my father would go crazy she would be my refugee. When my birth mother did not want my brother and I or was in jail, or homeless. She raised us. At the time my father was also in his Addiction. I cant not imagine raising four kids, two not her own and living with an addict who was not nice at all. It’s been amazing seeing her grow and evolve.
Everything she has in her life she has worked hard for and did on her own with no help including buying her own house. When I was in the midst of the Addiction she gave really hard love, she refuse to pick me up from jail and refuse to support my addiction. She never really called me an addict but she would ask question to get me thinking and let me figure out on my own. She loved me at my highs and more importantly she loved me when I’ve been down. Sometimes love can be tough it isn’t always joy and butterflies its also can be a bit hard, painful, and not always pretty. It might not even feel like love at the time but usually that kind of love is needed. Everyday she wakes up wanting to be and do better, that’s what I love about her. She has taken in people off the streets including my birth mom and has given her some great advice.
As I got older and sober I started see the world differently, yes I had profoundly misfortunate childhood but the universe put keys players in my life to help me become Adolfo, My stepmother is one of them. She is a great teacher in life, she has thought me courage to fight for what I believe in, to love above all, to never give up, to always see the positive in everything, don’t waste energy on people who are committed to not understanding you, to dream big and take action. She is my backbone; She is my rock, my mother and Father, confidant, Tattoo and concert buddy, my spiritual teacher!
Love you so much! Words can’t say enough! I may not be with you today, but I will in spirit! Sober is the New Black
Hello friends its day 22 sober and I am having a great day. The past couple of days have been amazing. It was nice being back home sober. I wish I had more time to see all my loved ones. I did not get a chance to see my mom but I did get to talk to her, She seems in a good place, which brought me some comfort! I did get a little sad yesterday morning; I think I was just missing my apartment and routine. I did start having Alcoholism thoughts that consist of some negative thoughts, I thought people were disappointed in me for all the chaos I caused but my mind was trying to tell me a false story but I caught it before in ruin my day. Alcoholism doesn’t care how amazing the surroundings are around you it will always try and come out so I can hit that bottle again but I am so happy that I can now catch it before it gets to that point. I just change the thought process.
I been wanting to get a Remembrance tattoo for my love Magnolia but the artist I use is out here. I knew this trip would be the perfect time. Magnolia is with me all the time, I feel her and see her in my dreams. It came out perfect. I will be getting some other tattoos soon including a Sober is the new black. This trip has been filled with laughter, great talks and some amazing food. I made some great moments that will eventually over shadow the drunken moments. I see people around me differently, ever person that I meet I want to connect with them and know their story. I want to love everyone that comes into contact with me. My eyes, heart and my eyes are clear at the moment. I just have to stay sober and focus on my long-term goals. My mind is a beautiful thing I just cant let it become my enemy again. In 8 days ill be 30 days and I can’t believe it!
I’m leaving with peace in my heart for my father and mother. When I get back home I will be eating better, still focusing on staying sober, building on new relationships and old ones, write, write, write, love, love and love! This trip is amazing but I am excited to get back to LA and hit up my coffee shops. Thank you Universe for this amazing trip I am so Grateful for this trip.