DAY 33 Sober: Lady GaGa “Dope”

Hello friends today is day 33 sober and I am sitting at a cafe near my apartment on a hot day inn LA. I moved from Koreatown to near downtown area. I don’t mind it but do miss all my little spots.  I came across this song last night Lady GaGa “Dope” and it was really good. It reminds me that Alcohol-ISM hurts tons of people involved and I need to stay focus on my long term go and heal. Im about to start the list in a moment. Here are some amazing lyrics and what I think they mean. This song is for everyone Ive hurt because of my Alcohol-ISM disorder! Family, friends,and loved ones

 

“The party’s just begun / I promise this / This drink is my last one / I know that I f–ked up again / Because I lost my only friend.”

Her habits and addictions caused her to lose something more special and more important than dope, like her relationship, friends, or family

 

“My heart would break without you / Might not awake without you / Been hurting low, from living high for so long / I’m sorry, and I love you / Sing with me / ‘Bell Bottom Blue’ / I’ll keep searching for an answer cause I need you more than dope.”

” Bell bottom blue” is an Eric Clapton and Derek and the Dominos reference

“One last puff / And two last regrets / Three spirits  / And 12 lonely steps / Up heaven’s stairway to gold… / Oh, I feel so low from living high.”

indulges one last time in drink and drugs, and hits that path to recovery. She’s already feeling the effects of withdrawal and she’s not stoked about letting go of her dependencies, because they are tough to kick and they do provide a chemical comfort. But sometimes, you just gotta. To us, it sounds like she is facing the prospect of letting go of something powerful — be it dope or love. Perhaps this is her final kiss with her lover.

 


Stay connect with love,  Adolfo

DAY 33 Sober: Cleansing the Soul

Hello friends, today is day 33 sober! I am feeling grateful and A bit tired. I have to be up at 340am and I am a night person. Hopefully, soon ill be a morning person. So my goal for this week is to make a list of traumas that occurred in my childhood and adulthood. I am going to try and connect the dots from my traumas to my thought patterns and feelings. I do believe my childhood molded me into an Alcoholic; my parents are also addicts in recovery. My grandfather passed form Alcoholism and some of my brothers are currently struggling with substance abuse issues. So I do not know if its genetics, learn patterns from are elders and ancestors, or traumas, maybe all three? 

 

I am also going to make a list of things I’ve done to others and to myself that caused pain and suffering, I also need to let those out. This will be a process and will tale sometime but I am excited to start doing the work. I am also terrified because I blocked out a lot of my childhood so what I need to do is meditate and ask my mind, heart and soul to help me see and connections like a form of Shamanism, one of the oldest spiritual practices. For the past couple of years I’ve been reading about Shamanism, I know there are different forms of it. Some use a shaman and some use hallucinogens (I defiantly wont be).  I’ve never done it before but it seems to connect with me. If it doesn’t work then I will find another, I wont be discourage. Shamanism is a practice that involves a practitioner reaching Altered States of consciousness in order to encounter and interact with the spirit world and channel these transcendental energies into this world, Sounds a bit much but in human words to Meditate and ask my spirit guides to help me connect and find the dots so I can cleanse. Shamanism beliefs are when someone has a Traumas in their life it creates a whole in their soul and we feel it up with whatever makes us feel great, booze, sex, coffee, working out etc. The objective is to become whole not perfect. So once you become aware through meditation, you cleanse the holes in your soul than you are left with just open holes you have to heal by grief, acceptance, understanding, forgiveness, letting go and eventually you become whole for the moment because traumas will happen again so you start again. 

First I need to make that list so after a good nap Ill get to work starting with my childhood it wont be easy but its necessary for my recovery and for me to stay Sober, Alcoholism is a catalyst for finding the real Adolfo

Stay connect with love , Adolfo

DAY 30 Sober: Film and an Oscar

Hello Friends today has been such an amazing 30 DAY sober! I have so much love and support around me! I am so grateful! Sober is the new black for me. Today I filled my day with Film and writing both things I love so much. I also bought myself a gift to keep my eyes on the prize of sobriety. I bought a Best Actor Oscar because I believe in my heart one day ill have one. I am going to put it on my shelf  so every time I leave my house I see my long term goal. For my 3o days I get an oscar!!!!

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

My first Oscar!

My first Oscar!

DAY 29 SOBER: Alcohol-ISM (Inside Self & Mind)

Hello friends, today is day 29 sober and so far it has been an amazing unproductive day. I’ve been relaxing all day, feels good not having plans. I would like to have no plans more often.  I am a day away from a month and as each day passes my want for booze is fading and my want for an amazing new life gets stronger. No cravings today except for some fast food but I told my self no, I wanted a whole shift in my mind, body and soul. I need to put healthy stuff in my body so my mind works at 100 percent and I need to make sure to get enough sleep. Your body knows when it needs sleep, so take a nap and recharge! I am in love with midday naps. I will take it over sex any day! Not only is my mind becoming self aware and I am starting to see patterns that were created from my childhood but my body is also changing. I feel great and clothes are fitting me a lot better. 

 

Alcoholism centers in my mind and body not it the booze itself so once you become aware on the ISM(Inside Self &Mind) that voice that talks to you to convince you to drink than you can stop it! In time it gets easier. It’s like your mind is a muscle the more you work it the stronger it is. No voice, place, person, situation can take away my sobriety this time around. You have to become self aware, detox from the booze allow the body (ISM) to appear with the withdrawals and cravings. Once you stop drinking than you are left with untreated alcoholism because you are not treating it with its meds (booze) so that’s when its get hard and your mind goes a bit crazy, Temper, annoyed, hurt, sad, anger, lying to get the booze, denial just drinking wine or beer. Ill stop the hard liquor. Or ill just drink at night. Maybe just on Mondays. It will try and convince you because this mental disorder/parasite of a kind needs to thrive and stay alive. Also the metal disorder will come out in physical pain to try and get you to drink, night sweats, body aches, body itch’s, seizures, this is the body (ISM).  So how do you go from untreated Alcohol-ISM to treating it without booze? For me treating my disorder is a daily thing because it never goes away that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy because you can it just takes work and time. So I treat my Alcohol-ISM by becoming self-aware of my issues and try and heal old wounds, positive thinking, surrendering to a higher power, loving people and learning how to love myself, meditation, start new healthy hobbies, find a form of AA that works for ME, Change everything about my life if you walked on the right-side of the street start walking on the left side, you’ll start to see the street from a different angle thus see the world from a different level. Make new normal that consist of laughter, joy, gratefulness, and acceptance.

 

What’s the most incredible thing is it can end today and your life can change in a second a whole new normal and amazing normal. Once you accept that Alcoholism is a living ISM that centers in your mind and body than you can become aware of it so then you can start treating it! Also you stop admitting and start accepting the truth that your are an Addict but truly understand what role it has played in your life and connect it to your heart and realize that your life today is the direct result of your choices, no one else! Just you! Not the past, not the abuser, not your parents, not that story you’ve told your mind over and over and even told others.

 

It’s a hard thing to grasp because we are so used to the past creating how we see the world and others. It’s a proven fact that if you start thinking differently than your cells and DNA starts to change, so you are no longer that story, your old self.  You are now who you choose to be at the moment. You are your current thoughts. I am proof! I am in tears when I write this because for the past 29 days I wake up happy, excited for life, passion for long term goals. I see people differently and I have had some stressful moments but with my clear mind I let it go I surrender it to the universe. I DONT EVER NAME MY HIGHER POWER ON HERE BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE IT HAS TO BE THE SAME AS MINE TO GET SOBER, NO IT DOESN’T, WHATEVER HIGHER POWER YOU CONSIDER IT TO BE IN YOUR LIFE, GOD, UNIVERSE, MOON, SUN, A DOOR, A BUDDAH, A BLOW DYRER. There are plenty of roads to Rome you just have to find a road that is connecting to your heart and that works with your life.

 

I found my new normal and I love it. Cut everything out of your life that is unhealthy including love ones if you have to. You sobriety is number one because with out it nothing really matters and without sobriety you do not have anything inducing yourself.  

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

DAY 28 Sober: My love for Film

Hello friends today is day 28 sober and I am still on a Sober high from last night. Clint Eastwood was a few feet away from me talking about his latest film Jersey Boy. Jersey is the story of Italian singer Frankie Valli life from rags to riches kind of film. It’s a sort of a musical. One of my favorite film was “Bridges Over Madison County” my Stepmother introduce it to me when I was younger. Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood are perfection. Such a classic, Meryl has an affair with a photographer, I have a thing for photographers. Everybody should watch this film. I wont give anymore away. I have always loved dramas and love stories at a young age. I am hopeless romantic, falling headfirst and taking risk. The Next love I have I defiantly will be using my mind and heart! Clint Eastwood started acting in film in his early 30′ s in the 60s.  It’s never to late to follow your dream. 

 

I grew up in a chaotic childhood and film was my outlet, my hour and a half peace from reality. It took me away into a fairytale; it still does till this day. That’s why I prefer to watch film alone with just my mind and heart so I can fully connect and not have any distraction. I try and watch a film a day maybe more. I always force myself to finish even if I am not connecting to it because I know how much work goes into it and I know its someone child and I have yet to create one so I have so much respect, I do however pass out from time to time if it gets a bit boring.  Film inspires me in every aspect of my life even when I am not watching it. I carry film with me wherever I go. I do love all kinds of genres but I tend to lean more to dark, heartbreaking, foreign, independent film. The kind of films that is sometime hard to watch, maybe because I can relate to the pain.

 

 

Alcoholism took away my passion for film. It went form having a couple glasses of wine and a French film on a daily basis to a half of box a wine with no memory of the film. At a young age I always wanted to be in film into my high school years than life happen, other people doubting my talent, my mind and Addiction. The amazing thing is that passion and dreams never goes away it just gets buried so when you become sober that dream shoots out like a shooting star because it has been buried and deprive for so long. That shooting star can never be buried once it’s out. I feel like my dream for film kept hope going for me when I was younger. So I hope one day my films can give a child hope to continue. My dreams got me through my childhood and I am certain it will keep me on the right path into my new Sobriety. Sober is the New Black

Sidenote: I will be uploading a video I shot of MR Eastwood himself later on

 

 

Stay Connect with love, Adolfo

Day 27 Sober: Last day LA Film Festival

 Hello friends today is day 27 sober and I am feeling so grateful that I have made it this far. The film festival has been really amazing. I am very thankful for the chance to be attending this year. Hopefully one day ill be showing my film!  Yesterday I saw Club Sandwich and Man from Reno.  Man from Reno was good,  It started off great but lasted a bit long. Today is the last day and ill be watching a film called 1000 times good night staring Juliette Binoche. The last film of the night is Jersey boy from Clint Eastwood it might be sold out but I’ll find out once I get there. Going to the LA film festival has inspired me to create some short films. This upcoming weekend ill be looking into purchasing a Cannon 5D with video or maybe a 7D. I need to not only believe in my dream I need to put work into it. I am saving tons of money not drinking so now ill invest my old addiction money into my future dreams.

 

 The past 27 days my life has changed dramatically from my thoughts to my surroundings, to the way I see people to the way I see myself. I am so in love with life. Moments out the day I get chills knowing I am alive, on the right path of sobriety and becoming self aware of my issues. Addicts who are newly Sober talk about a pink cloud, It’s a time were everything seems very easy and a kind of high.  Alcohol and drugs is like an Anesthesia from life so once you get sober your feelings are intense and life feels amazing. Other Addicts talk about the pink cloud eventually fading away and then you will become sad. I’m determine to always be living in a pink cloud and the only way for me to is to watch my thoughts and to enjoy every moment in life.

 

A pink cloud is a beautiful thing, create your own reality and live in bliss. I am no longer going to have a negative outlook on every situation that happens in life because I cant control what the world does.  I just have to see the silver lining in everything that comes my way because everything that happens to me is to evolve me and I have to watch for the signs that are around me at all times. I will call it my pink lining.  

 Stay connect with love, Adolfo

DAY 17 Sober: Cleaning house

Hello friends, just finish dinner. Today was a great day so far. I had a 3hour nap felt really good but I woke up in a bit of a bad mood. I usually wake up in a good mood, maybe there is a lot of stuff on my mind and once I am awake tons of thoughts are waiting to greet me. I need to clear my mind a bit.  Part of my healing is stop doing stuff I dislike doing.  So I am leaving my second job it caused a lot of stress and took a lot of energy out of me. So my last day is today and the boss just text me tons of stuff to do before I leave. I don’t want to leave the company in a bind so I will but that’s the last thing you want to see after a beautiful nap! OK no more complaining for me, if I feel the need to, I will only for moments. I have to remind myself life is so short and even a few moments of complaining is such a waste and can be focus on my amazing progress!

 

There is a lot of things I am going to cut out of my life, Including certain hangout spots like beer belly and franks, no need to put myself in the past!! Only looking to the future Also wine glass are out the door alongside my hat that reads BEER, which was my favorite but BEER is no longer part of my life. Certain people have to be flushed from my new amazing life, still love them but need to love me above all.  I need to create a clear sphere that I stay in at all times that nothing negative can penetrate form the world and keep love, joy, gratefulness, mindful thoughts, and sober flowing in and out into the universe. The more I am sober I realize addiction was placed in my life for a reason, maybe because the universe new I was strong enough to end this family disorder! I am David and alcoholism is the goliath. I know this battle has just begun but I know I will never stop fighting.  Addiction is in my life for reason I truly believe that maybe it’s a blessing of some sort that I am unaware of it at the moment. When you are in the battle you don’t see the long term rewards but I know the rewards are so huge my small tiny eyes cant see it at the moment and its so delicate only dogs and cats can hear it! I will one day!

 I want to end with if there is anyone out there who reads this who is suffering I stand with you. You are an amazing soul that has so much potential lets find Ares together and make Sober the new Black

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo