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March 10, 2015

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DAY 290 Sober: Las Vegas

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DAY 290 Sober: Las Vegas

Hello Friends, today is day 290 sober. I just got back to Palm Springs from Las Vegas, Nevada. The home of sins, neon lights booze and gambling. Traveling is one of the joys of my life, seeing new things with clean eyes. Beyond grateful that I am able to have wonderful opportunities that allow me to travel, Every time I’m in Palm Springs CA its hard to leave and say goodbye to loved ones. I find myself not missing LA, maybe its just me being in the moment and taking in each day as if was my last.

My stepmother/ best friend joined me on this trip. We are both huge “The killers” fans and the lead singer of the band coming out with his second solo album. The show was at a venue called “Bunkhouse”. The first time I seen “The killers” was 10 years ago in Vegas. My stepmother was the age I am now. It feels really amazing to be here in a better state of mind, I did gamble a bit won a hundred bucks. The last time I was in Las Vegas was six years ago. At the time I was still drinking and in a bad place mentally. No purpose and floating through life without really living it. Don’t remember much about that experience but I know it involved me binge drinking. As a child I disliked the atmosphere but as I got older I learned to fall in love with the sin city.

Unfortunately a couple of hours before the venue opened we all got the news Brandon Flowers had to cancel the show due to illness. I traveled a long way with lack of sleep. I was so excited only to not see him. I can’t control life but I can choose to be devastated, hurt and angry or I can see the sliver lining. How blessed I am to be able to afford wonderful trips with my stepmother. Yes I was not able to see Brandon flowers but I was able to create amazing memories see friends back home, eat great food, laughing all the way and a little debauchery in gambling. Sliver linings are beautiful it brings me back to my soul and a place of gratefulness.

I’ll be heading back to Los Angeles in a few hrs. Back to work Tomorrow. Sober is the New Black.

God Poem

 

vegas bus

 

 

wonderful unkowns

 

 

 

 

This video of Brandon Flowers is perfection “only the young”. Hope you enjoy

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January 10, 2015

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DAY 232 Sober: Macklemore

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DAY 232 Sober: Macklemore

Hello Friends today Is day 232 sober, sitting in a café on a rainy day is perfection. On the patio watching the rain clean the streets from rusty dirt. I am a film buff and I’ve been living in theaters the past two weeks. Just in time for the Golden Globes this Sunday. One of my long-term goals is to one-day work in the film industries. One dream at a time.

 

I admire and love people who are an advocate for sobriety. Ben Haggerty from Macklemore is one of those. His music, lyrics, and vocal-ness about his past addiction, is very inspiring.  Not only can you detach from the substance and find life again but you can also achieve unimaginable dreams that once seemed so foreign while using. He inspires me to keep reaching for my dreams.

 

I’ve relapsed, a bunch of times in the past but my heart always wanted to be free from Alcohol, but I just didn’t know how. Relapses are very common in addiction and the beauty in that are the lesson when you look back. If there is anyone out there that relapse it’s ok there so much strength in starting over, walk down different streets, separate yourself from everything that might trigger you until you are strong enough. I am one drink away from death is what I tell myself and when I need reminding. I am so grateful I have only had one craving in this recovery. An Alcoholic craving a beer happens, and you shouldn’t get scared. Push through with clearing your mind, with prayer, meditation, books, online speakers, or meetings. Whatever works for you, when I was getting sober in the past, I would sit in a parking lot listening to a warrior by the name of Astrid Howe, and hearing her words over and over again until I left the parking lot believing in sobriety. Sober is the New Black.

The link below is an interview Ben Haggerty did with MTV recently. I hope his words resonate with someone it did with me. I am so grateful for sobriety, my readers and for life.

http://www.mtv.com/videos/?id=1721485

 

THESE SONGS BELOW ARE FROM MACKLEMORE, IT’S NEVER TO LATE TO BE THAT PERSON YOU DREAM. Start over.

 

I wrote a few minutes ago and I can’t stop crying. There is some more healing to be done inside my heart when it comes to forgiving the hurt I have caused. Sometimes I feel when people find out I am in recovery all they see, is an addict as opposed to a human healing from a mind disorder. Plenty of doors have closed due to my battle. Lost tons of friends at a time when I needed them the most. It feels great to cry and opening the soul so you can heal. I hope this poem opens up family and friends eyes to understanding what goes on in a loved one who might be suffering.

 

Relapse poem

 

Stay Connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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October 21, 2014

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DAY 151 Sober: MACKLEMORE

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DAY 151 Sober: MACKLEMORE

Hello Friends today is day 151 sober, it’s been such a busy day. Life has been really good since my last post. My heart is getting stronger everyday and my mind is getting clear from all the negative thoughts. Being aware of the mind Disorder called Addiction is helping my stay sober, one-day at a time. Grateful for each sober moment. I have always been a fan of people who are outspoken about their addiction, it helps me see whats possible in being sober. They are teachers and for newly sober they inspire. Not just sober from booze, sober from hurt, fear, sober from anything this is preventing someone from reaching there full potential. I relapse a bunch of times in the past because I was focus on the stuff I couldn’t do anymore like old routines, old friends instead imagining what I can accomplish once I am sober. I hid my relapses from everyone I loved. The mind disorder was a lair but me the person was so weak and scared I was so ashamed. I was a let down like always. Someone really close to me found wine bottles in my bag and I broke down, The disorder came out screaming than the real me came out crying knowing that I let everyone down again. It still haunts me a bit but admitting my relapse was very painful and hard for my loved ones but it free’d me so i can hit my rock bottom, which made me become aware of the mind, that lead me here today healing.  It needs to stay as a reminder of what booze has done to my life. I know exactly what will happen if I started drinking again but I don’t know what will happen when I stay sober and that is amazing.

 

 

I never really listen to Macklemore music until a friend recommended me to him. I was unaware there album “The heist” is about Ben Haggerty overcoming past and his addiction. Ben Haggerty is a member of the hip-hop group. The last few days I’ve been obsessed with his album and his story. It shows the Capability of  Sobriety, if you relapse its ok because you can change now in this moment. Macklemore inspires me to keep writing, dreaming and to never ever feel that my addiction Is who I am, I am so much greater and I have infinite possibility when I sober. The first 2 videos are songs off  Their album the Heist. They are about Ben Haggerty addiction and the last video is an interview with dateline about relapsing. Sober is the new black.

 

 Stay connect with love Adolfo

 

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September 24, 2014

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DAY 124 Sober: The One For me

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DAY 124 Sober: The One For me

Hello friends today are day 124 sober. I am in a Korea-town, LA. My favorite place to write. It’s has some amazing café’s and it feels like home. Yesterday was four months sober and I did not realize it until it was already late into the night. Days fly by and I am very grateful.

 

I started this blog with the intent to write my feelings on a day-to-day basis so I can see my growth in sobriety and not really having a vision on where it was going, it grew into poems and a book. Sober for me is the only way I can create love and art. I know with every cell in my body I will never drink again. I also want people to know you can be a recovery addict and still have a great life without that coping poison. Not only a great life but also dreams are so real and a sober mind will get you to there. I also think in society there is a stigma that people think because you are sober you can’t have fun or be around others who drink and for me that’s not the case. also i want kids to know you don’t have to get wasted on the weekends, go create art.  I Want people to see me as a person first, a human that was sick but now in recovery remission. Those people who are suffering are not bad people they are amazing souls that have dreams but are sick. No person decides to become an addict or as a child saying that’s what they want to be when they grow up. I am so grateful that I found me and found my inner divine. Life is to short and amazing to not heal myself. I know great things are on the horizon. My road before recovery was hard but I made it and I am not dead. Like any normal human we all have hard days and that’s ok we are allowed to but with a strong awareness we can get through anything in life.

 

My name Adolfo and I have a disease that is in remission but if you see past that. I am also a writer, a food lover, I love film, tattoos, music, I love bowling and tennis. I want to be the best person everyday. My laugh is a bit dorky, I am clueless about most stuff, I never had a s’more until recently, I have amazing aunts, brothers and stepmother. I am Mexican and German and I don’t speak either. I hate morning hikes but will do it and complain most of the time but be happy at the end. I want to love and be in love, I have dreams of silver screens. There is this whole other side that is worth knowing. If you like to. An addict is not the disease, just like someone isn’t his or her diabetes. The symptoms of the disease are different but its still a disease. Some people have hard days with diabetes but overcome it.

 

I know I have hurt friends, family and ex but I cannot change those things. I can only help heal their hearts the best I can. They have been there when I had fallen; the least I can do is help in anyway to help heal them. With some old friends I just need a chance, just once chance to show them how amazing this new me is. I can help them through those uneasy feelings by showing them with my actions but I need a chance to and if not, that’s ok. Nothing can take away my sobriety.

 

 

No matter where life takes me, there is someone who will always have a corner of my heart. Sober is the New Black.

 

 

photo-13

 

 

Sober is the New Black

Stay connect with love. Adolfo Vasquez 

 

Wild Child “Pillow talk”  Enuff said. 

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July 30, 2014

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DAY 68 Sober: Knowing my Triggers, Sober Hangover

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DAY 68 Sober: Knowing my Triggers

Hello friends, today is day 68 sober. I woke up happy as can be. I feel such a relief from yesterday post about my childhood. It was freeing and letting the words fall out from inside me out into the universe. Those words have been suffocating me for years. I am currently sitting on in a café in Koreatown listening to Amanda Palmer Ampersand. Music is such a powerful healing tool, it opens up my heart so I can cry those healing tears and some music fills my soul the strength for the day. Lately I’ve been swimming in music. Koreatown in Los Angeles is my favorite place to live. I currently live close to downtown LA but want to move back to this area. I have the next two days off so film; writing and sleep are on agenda. I opened the email sent from the Editor, it had feedback on my “untitled book”. It all made sense but I haven’t had time to finish all the corrections. My goal is to finish it these two days, so Coffee and more coffee will be my companion. Lately I’ve been feeling creative in my bed with the lights off like a love affair with my lab top. I tend sleep next to my MAC, It goes everywhere with me.

 

I need to be aware of my triggers when it comes to my Addiction that is called Alcoholism. I need to go back and see what went wrong the last time I got sober, what was the triggers that brought me back to using. First, I did not have a program to help me over come the body disorder the craving part. Second I did not have a program to help me with the mental part of the disorder. I didn’t have the right mental tools.  My triggers were boredom, when I was bored I drank. Also loneliness was a trigger. When I  felt alone I drank. Now I am alone now and I don’t have cravings at all, instead I crave life, being kind, helping others when I can, writing, and film. I am never am bored, I don’t let myself, and I always have my day plan out so I can stay busy. I use to just wonder through life without long term goals always focusing on instant gratification never trying to work towards long-term gratification that is more rewarding. I was lazy and content with not putting work into myself. Now I try to limit my instant gratification, before if I wanted something I got it without looking at my checkbook. I do allow healthy mind, body and soul instant gratifications but a limit. Now I say no to myself most of the time because I need to save for my long-term goals or gratifications. I won’t let boredom inn. The number one reason for me relapsing was letting the mental disorder convince me that I am not an addict. I am now in control of my thoughts so my mental disorder has no power over my self awareness and higher power and I fully surrender to my higher power that I understand it to be.

 

I also allow myself to feel sad emotions. I don’t hold it in, letting it out in my tears. I also try and live in the moment all the time, not letting my mind control my life anymore and let my soul lead. Thoughts and mind are amazing if I use it for positively to help me but when I use it to be self -abusive like comparing myself to others and jealous brings me closer to my Addiction. Sober is the New Black.

I am grateful for life, for falling in love with myself and for my higher power.

 

The greatest love of all Whitney Houston is prefect. The greatest love of all is within me.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

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June 4, 2014

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Day 12 Sober: Sia Chandelier, Sober Hangover

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Day 12 Sober: Sia Chandelier

Hello.. Today is day 12 sober. Almost two weeks sober and i am still going! I brought maggie home and found the perfect spot for her. My new apartment is looking and feeling more like home everyday. My mind has been really great and i’ve been able to shut down the Alcoholism thoughts. My disorder has know power over my awareness!!!!! and i am so grateful for that.  I just have to remind myself that Alcoholism is a living breathing ISM ( Inside Self & Mind) that centers in my brain not it the Alcohol, It also lives in my body making me crave the booze. The body ISM is easy to brush off times but The ISM in your mind is sneaky and will find it way to surface with Negative thoughts. When you are not treating your Alcoholism with its MEDS Alcohol, you still have the disorder but it now becomes untreated Alcoholism and thats when the real work starts.  When i started this blog i did not expected all the love and support from people. I am so grateful. 

Ive been watching and listening to Sia New Music video, I might be wrong but i feel like its about Alcoholism and the little girl in the video ( Maddie Ziegler) is a young Sia growing up in a bad childhood eventually turning to booze to help her with her past.  This video mirrors my life so much.  Young Sia (Maddie Ziegler) Despite her surroundings still fights and shines her talent and beauty. Sia has always been an inspiration with her one of a kind voice and her amazing lyrics. The first time I seen her live was at Coachella fest in 2007, she blew my mind and like always made me cry. Sia has been with me through the ups and downs of my past. Sia Chandelier lyrics resonate with my soul

 

Party girls don’t get hurt
Can’t feel anything, when will I Learn
I push it down, push it down1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink

Throw ’em back, till I lose count

I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist
Like it doesn’t exist
I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier

And I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight
Help me, I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight

Sun is up, I’m a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame

This Song came out around the same time I Decided  to get sober, I feel like Sia always knows what i am going through at the time. Heres the video enjoy.

Stay connect with love, Adolfo