Hello, Friends Today is day 78 Sober. It’s been a great day. Just woke up from a midday nap, going to head to a coffee shop for a late night writing session. My mind is focus and nothing going to stop me from my goal. I have six poems birth and one more is on its way. I purchase a coffee maker and I am not sure if it’s just new or I am a bad coffee maker but it was the worst tasting batch ever. Tomorrow is my day off, so ill be heading to a local flea market. The flea market is one of my favorite things to do on a Sunday morning I also plan on writing the final installment in my mini bio. That post should be done very soon. Life is flowing and everything seems to be falling into place so perfectly, I am so grateful for my sobriety. Yesterday I spent sometime with an amazing woman and amazing kids. We went shopping at target. From day one she’s been supportive on my way into sobriety. I am grateful for her wisdom, support and non-judgment. At my bottom, she saw in me what I see in myself today.
Sobriety is a flowing river nurturing surroundings, filled with life, continuing to push through waterfalls and finding its way over barriers. Alcohol is like a pond, Stagnant, lifeless and if you drink its toxic water you become ill, may even die, never flowing or evolving or growing, just staying still. I am the River. In sobriety the growing, the work is the fun part because I am getting to find love for life and myself. I am connecting the dots from childhood to adulthood. I am forgiving, creating love for others and me. I am very passionate for life and creating my own path. It is really awesome getting to know me. I use to live in bars but now I dance to the flow of life. The real Adolfo, I am still the same food loving, clueless at times, funny person just more peaceful, calmer with sense of self and purpose, with out that deep sadness. My face no longer hangs low but fly’s high with life. Greatness is upon me, I feel it inside, nothing and no one can take away the deep love I feel for myself. No circumstance, no hurt, no one. Yeah, life will happen and I will get sad a bit but I choose how long I want to suffer and with the deep love I have for myself it gets easier to get back up and refocus. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for family, friends and for love.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
I rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery, Glad I didn’t die before i met you. Bright eyes First day of my life is such a powerful song. love, love.
Hello friends today has been an amazing 70 days sober, I am at a cafe writing away. I just finish a great writing session with a coworker. He is a great writer, brilliant thinker. This was are first session, sure not the last. I finish my first poem that is perfect, stamped and approved. I need 11 more to go. You know when the poem is perfect, it more of a feeling inside yourself, nothing can be changed or nothing can be added. It is what it is, its own living breathing thing. I am grateful for being sober because it has brought me endless possibility. I was unaware of the process it takes to create a book, The rewrites, I have always been very insecure when it comes to anyone reading my work but its a dance between the writer and the reader and I need my point to comes across clear. My vision.
I will continue the process, I need balance so i did my mental work and long term work now ill be watching some mindless TV with some junk food. Yesterday i spent the day with Lenny, I love spending time with her she makes everything very comfortable, being myself without hesitation, and we love to laugh at each other. Everybody needs that friend. I start back at work tomorrow, Ill probably be laying low for the rest of the week, I need to force my creativity to flow at home. So i have to work on that muscle also i need to carry a note pad and pen everywhere. I have a forget full mind and my mac and phone are not alway accessible. So far i have achieve my goals for today. I feel very blessed and beyond focus, beyond driven. I know great things are on the horizon. I feel it with every cell and bone because with every cell and bone i know booze will not be that blockade any longer. Life is to amazing not live sober and clear minded. Sober is the New black. I am grateful for fellow writers, for healthy criticism, and the opportunity to build healthy relationships.
Hello friends its End of day 66 sober and I will be up late, I got some feed back from an Editor, So i am up rewriting. Usually when I write I listen to music or youtube videos. I just came across this Gem on Separating the voice in your head from the real you. It helps me identify that voice cause by Alcoholism that speaks to me in my tone of voice so i thinks it me but really its that addiction. I have not heard. That voice has not spoke to me about wanting to drink but it does come out and tells me a story that makes me sad that can lead to a drink. So i have to watch that voice in my head or commonly known as thoughts. Hope this help anyone. Sober is the New Black. Grateful for the Editor, for Author Michael Singer, and for Oprah
Hello friends today is day 63 sober, I stayed up late last night listening to some music. Yesterday post was a bit scary and right after I posted it I felt sick for an hour. I did weep but afterwards I felt a beautiful relief. I am sure there is more weeping to do and eventually I will create a space between childhood past and my emotions so when I do go back to the past for reflecting that space wont let my past affect my present emotions. After my writing session I went and visited a great friend Mel, we watch TV and ate a bunch of horrible foods. I feel fine today and focus. I never really talked about my childhood because I felt ashamed if people knew. Growing up I thought people would look down and judge me but yesterday I saw a lot of compassion, empathy and love. I now know those things that happen aren’t who I am; who I am is whom I choose to be right now in this moment. As a kid those things were out of my control, I just had to get through and I am grateful I got out. Addiction is forcing me to heal my past, in a way Addiction is a blessing because I would still be a prisoner from my past and eventually passing away a prisoner not ever fully evolving or growing.
Today my short-term goal is to start a series of poems something healthy for my mind and a spa trip something healthy for my body. I want to start treating my body with the respect it deserves. For so long I treated my body with no respect and wasn’t fully aware of the damage I have caused. I was told I have a fatty liver by my doctor and even that did not scare me into quitting. I also will be seeing Lenny today one of my closes friend, we always laugh and have a good time. I am grateful for everyone who let me share yesterday. I am writing down my teen years and will be posting it hopefully sometime this week. I am grateful for Sober is the New Black and for love. The killers is a band I love so much and be still is such a powerful song. Hope you enjoy
Hello Friends, In the past 2 months, 60 days, 1440 hrs, 86400 mins, 1584000 seconds I have learned so much about myself and life. Not everyday is Blissful but I choose the amount of suffering I want to endure. Tears are necessary for healing. I need to watch my thoughts carefully. I need to surround myself with positive things and people. My mental and body disorder called Alcoholism is not a choice but me picking up a drink is. Spiritual practices including the steps are the key to my success. Surrendering to a higher power that I understand it to be is such a relief and it’s more of a feeling that can’t be written down. I am finding myself more and more everyday something’s are not pretty and some are a bit dark that needs to be healed but the awareness of them only comes when I am sober and seeking. I want to inspire and be inspired everyday by others, There is always someone with one less day than me that I can help, even if its just listening and showing compassion. I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. Being sober has thought me how to create from within; love, joy, compassion, understanding, empathy, and gratefulness and with those you can create healthy long term loving relationship. With 60 days sober comes creativity and passion that’s met with action not just thoughts. My old drunken words were false and met with only letdowns.
Today at 2 months sober, I struggle with the pain my addiction has caused others and the wave of pain that hit like a tsunami killing, destroying everything breathing, living and pure in my life. Even devastating tsunami waters receded and flowers and trees will blossom again. I am rebuilding my life one brick at a time, with a strong foundation, away from that ocean of addiction that creates a tsunami of pain. Rebuilding my life will take a lot of effort, tears and work. I will create a peaceful garden so I can meet with my higher power on a daily basis. I will build a home and plant nutrition trees that will feed my mind with positive thoughts, positive actions, and healthy hobbies. I will build a library were I can store all my spiritual books and lessons I have learn. I will build my home big so I can fill it with the love of my life and maybe create little blessing that have small fingers and toes I can kiss, Far away and up high from that ocean of addiction. I will also build a movie theater were I can play my movies I create for free. I will build a small little shop on the corner where I can sell my writings. I will dance every night with my love and kids under the stars. That’s my dream, my goal, and my creation. Sober is the new black. I am grateful for everybody that is checking in on Sober is the New Black and for everybody support. Ingrid Michaelson far away is a perfect song for today.
Today is day 57 sober and its a beautiful hot day in Palm springs, I am surrounded by love and family. Its a perfect day. My Aunts and stepmother are in the kitchen cooking away, laughing, crying and telling stories. I am teary eyed with gratefulness enjoying every moment of this. My mind is clear enough to be in this moment in pure joy. I feel this feeling inside me, bliss. Today is my Grandmas 60th surprise BDAY party. There will be around 80 people here and it booze free, which is amazing. I love the desert smell, my warm skin caressed by the sun rays, the sound of family laughter, the essence of home cook meals, the hugs, My brothers voices, the family pets are just some of the things I miss when I am back in LA. The more I am sober the more I am appreciating those wonderful blessings. Life for me is so much better clean and sober. I have to say my family is pretty awesome. I did find myself wishing I had a love to share this moment with me, seeing him in the kitchen building a bond with my family. My stepmother and aunts are very open and love to joke. I know one day ill have that.
Last night some child hood friends and I went to a couple of gay clubs, the first was a club called toucans it was ok, music was not my taste and I wanted to dance so we left. We ended up at hunters and that satisfied my dancing need. No cravings at all, both of my friends were drinking one was over drinking and I found myself seeing my old ways in her. The more I am around people who drink the more it makes me not want to ever. Not that I am judging but I will never want to feel so detached from reality and my soul. I’ve been in a bit of a dry spell when it comes to one aspect of my life, and I am a guy, so I was hoping in finding a make out body. Not really sex or a relationship, just someone to talk to and connect, dance, make out, hold hands; very light stuff. Someone to appreciate and be appreciated but what I realized is everybody was drunk or buzz and was looking for sex. The booze is out of my life and sex wont happen until I find someone who wants to be exclusive my body is such a beautiful gift for my partner to have, I cant give it away to some cheap motel drunk, that I don’t really know with that said I wouldn’t mind making out with one. I am 28 and need to work on myself a bit more before I can try and build a healthy relationship. No one newly sober should add more to their plate and make an open space for hurt when healing. I still wonder if I will end up with someone sober or who drinks. I know I don’t want my issues to become theirs and I cant help who I fall for. I also don’t want a drunk. I used to be one I know how diffcult I used to be. I am open for love; I can’t turn away a good guy. I am attracted to men now in a different way, kindness for me is the biggest turn on, a smile, a person who looks me in the eye, who is an open book, some one who has passion, loves conversation, loves to learn and grow, loves to eat and watch film, who is confident, someone who enjoys a great cry, someone self aware, all those things are sexy.
So I thought I would not have any contact with my birth parents while I am out here but it turns out my father will be arriving shortly to BBQ the food, he still has a relationship with my younger brothers and is friends with my stepmother. I have issues I am currently dealing with but I can push that aside for my grandmas BDAY. From what I hear he is in a better place, so I am proud of him. I talk to my birth mom and she is trying also to be better. She is currently homeless bouncing around from roof to roof. I love her very much and even though she done some really bad stuff to me, I have a deep love for her. I used to send her money and help her as much as I could but I had to stop. I don’t think she is using but who knows. I do weep for her at times, I just wish she would she her greatness, she does have a wonderful soul. I wish she can just get it together, for her but also for my selfish reason, I would love to get to know her. When I was going through my break up with Vince I would call her and she would just talk about herself and never asked me how I was, or after court, she even cussed me out when I decided to start this blog. I needed her when I was a kid and she wasn’t there, I needed her at the worst time of my adult life and she wasn’t there. I learn that I can’t look to her for something she never gave me and probably never will but the want is still strong. I would like that best friend bond but she live in denial and won’t admitted the role she played in my childhood, maybe it’s to painful or maybe she doesn’t know how. I don’t want her to admitted or accept it for me but for her so she can grow. My love for my mom and father will never go away. The difference between my mom and dad is my mom try’s to have a relationship and my father doesn’t. Not sure why they are that way they are, or if they also have parent issues that they never healed. I wish I had the power to glue their broken pieces but all I can do is glue mine.
Someone mention that I should attend an AA meeting, so I might but no triggers and no cravings, also there is a lot of love in these walls who have had addiction that are sober and not dry. Most of my family is in recovery; it’s like an AA convention when the family gets together. That fact that I was in the old gay club with no cravings and dealing with my birth parents with no cravings shows me that I am growing and evolving. I cant go back once I have had a shift in consciousness and I cant become unaware once I am aware, I cant unlearn 1+1=2 now it come down to choice. Sober is the New Black.
I am grateful for everybody who followed me back home, going to head back to the party.
Hellofriends Today is day 56 sober, I woke up feeling really blessed. Today I travel back home to palm springs for the weekend. I always enjoy heading back, seeing family, seeing great friends, and of course eating all the yummy food I miss. Going back Sober means a lot to me, in the past when I went home my mindset wasn’t clear, I had angry built up for my birth parents, I was drunk most of the time, I did not enjoy the moments. I probably wont see my birth parents but I do love them and wish them well. This trip will be filled with lots of love, food, laughter, tons of relatives, and a trip to a local Gay club. I love to dance and I need to start doing more stuff I love to do and less stuff I don’t like doing, life is to short. Maybe I can find a make out buddy but I won’t be holding my breath.
My old night life in palm springs was always chaos before I would head out I knew that something would happen that will either lead to a drunken argument, fight, losing my ride home, arrest, getting kicked out of the club or bar, tying to score, tons of vomit and some crazy fling that was pretty horrible, I really had no respect for my body at all. I started going to a popular club around 15 yrs. old since then I’ve been kicked out tons of time. I still can’t believe I made it out of Palm Springs alive and that I am in the space that I am in right now. Dancing is fun but I also want to sit a coffee shop and write, when I lived in the desert my mindset was in a different place so to do what I love back home would be a nice change. I never would write back home, I know my creative inspiration would blossom.
I enjoy somewhat of a routine in my life and when I don’t have it I get a bit sad, I feel like it stems from having such an unstable childhood and no really security, I so need that now but I need to change that it’s not healthy I am no longer in that environment. I need to focus on the moments and say my grateful prayer each morning. It’s usually in the shower, cleanse from the day before. A refreshing new start. I give up every negative thought that bother me the day before, I ask my high power turn me upside down shake out all the negative thoughts, anger, hurt, pain, past, ego, fear, people criticism and put in happy thoughts, courage, compassion, love, joy, laughter, accepting of others,creativity, awareness and stillness. I used to look outward for those things but those are all created from within, I am the co-creator with the ultimate creator. Sober is the New Black
I am grateful for life, being sober, for family and for my aunt Angie for picking me up!
The killers are one of my favorite band of all time. The killers carry me home is the perfect road trip
Hello friends, today is coming to an end of day 53 sober. It’s been an amazing day, I appreciate all the support I have been getting form Sober is the New Black. Recovery has been such a beautiful gift for my mind, body and soul. My eyes are focus straight ahead, no looking back, forward I go. I can’t waste energy turning my head back; it takes away from the energy moving forward. I feel like my body is still detoxing a bit. My skin is a bit Itchy and having some mild headaches but those will soon past. Creating a new normal is exciting but can also be a bit confusing at times, so used to some old habits and ways. Simple stuff I miss like cooking but Cooking for one seems wasteful also now I have to clean my whole apt but I just want to do stuff that’s fun, and cleaning isn’t on my list of things I enjoy doing but its something I need to be better at. It takes a week to get the courage to clean my apt to only destroy it the next day.
Today on my way to work their was this homeless man laying at the stoplight I was at. Its hard for me to pass by someone homeless and not give something whether in be food, a couple dollars or just a smile. I gave him a buck, only had cards but he smelled of booze, so much so I could taste it. It really shook me because that could have been me and Alcoholism is a progressive disorder if you don’t stop. I don’t know the mans story, if he became one after the streets or before but what is clear to me is he had a mother, brother, maybe a father, or maybe even a Vince but Alcoholism will take it all away. Alcohol kills everything alive in your life and Preserves everything that is dead and yet it took 8 years to really understand what that means but I am grateful I made it alive to understand. Its nothing to take lightly and takes constant work, its not like a college were you get a degree in four years than move on, nope its more like life long school on oneself and the subjects are the 12 steps, your issues, past, metal thoughts, how to cope with emotions, AA, learning how to be of service. It’s a life long education on you and you have to really want it, really understand the work that is put into it.
I am an Addict so I know how to do misery, victim, easy way out, hurting people and myself, lazy, verystagnant in my past very well but happy thoughts, surrendering, working on getting to know my high power as I understand it, learning how to coupe with hardships without using, being of service, forgiveness, Acceptance all take work some easier than others but all equally important. I will have to do them over and over for the rest of my life and that’s ok because life sober well be so amazing, it will smell so sweet, everything will be brighter, dreams will come true, love, joy, finding oneself, connecting with ones soul and others, being in the moment, courage to overcome, gratefulness, compassion and empathy, hugs and kisses, clear minded, falling in love with one self and blossoming talent. THOSE BUZZES, THOSE HIGHES, THOSE FIXES all sound more appealing than THAT WHISKEY POSION, THAN THE WINE STAIN PAIN AND THAT BEER BELLY OF EMPTINESS!
I am so grateful for my writings, for the fingers typing and the Alcohol free blood that runs through my veins. Here is some nice tunes Ingrid Michaelson Everybody.
Sober Is The New Black 