Hello Friends, today is day 260 sober. Every time I hear about substance abuse taking away someone life, famous or not famous, I feel a wave of sadness flow upon my skin. I just hope if there is anyone still using, find strength and reach out to someone who could help. I also hope families who have lost loved ones to addiction find some peace in knowing Nobody is born wanting to become an addict. It’s a mixture of circumstances that create the addicts mind and the circumstances vary in each addict. I feel very grateful for that moment of clarity on May 24 2014.
The longer I am sober the more I’m finding me, finding the great stuff, but also the stuff that needs to be worked on personally and professionally. The past few days I’ve been waking up in a grouchy mood but I am sober and that’s in itself a blessing. Today I feel great. The beginning of sobriety, I was a bit confused by the saying “ one day at a time”. I can’t just live one day at a time, I need to work towards my future and towards my healing but now I get it. All I can do is be present “in the moment” as I work towards the future and when Life doesn’t go as plan all I can do is accept it and figure out what is the next right move towards my future.
I don’t know what my future holds for me, but I know I can be the co-creator with the ultimate creator. Being sober is really new for me. I’m less than a year sober, but I am already in visioning a marriage, kids, and a home maybe not in la maybe somewhere green with a forest in the back yard. I want to connect with someone on a spiritual level, who accepts me whole, with flaws. Who allows me to make mistakes in order to learn I don’t want to become one with someone but be two separate beings that face the world together, not letting the outside influence how we feel about each other. I crave human connection on a deeper level.
Dealing with life sober can be scary, confusing at times, sad, overwhelming but that’s when choices come into play, I can be the solution to the issue or I can make it into a bigger problem. Continuing making the right moves down the path called life. Sober is the New Black.
Madonna Living for love is what I’m doing “In this moment” working towards love.
Hello friends, today is day 38 sober. I took a 3hr Mid-day nap and it felt so good! A well-rested and Sober mind is a great foundation for a writing session, also some tunes. I am sitting in a coffee shop in Downtown LA its such a beautiful city. A Million dreams come true here also there is a lot of pain in this city. I feel everybody moves to LA because they want something better for their life. People that I have met out here are all passionate and chasing the American Dream whatever that means to them. In Los Angeles there can be so much distraction that can hinder your talent and can blind you from that long-term goal. I need to focus, focus on my American Dream. My American Dream is very simple, A comfortable living, staying Sober, writing novels and creating film. Spending most of my time with my kids and partner. That’s what I strive for! Now that my long-term goal is set up I need to create short-term goals that can help me reach my long-term goal. Of course sobriety is number one. Second write, write, write, write, and write. Writing is muscle I have to workout on a daily basis so it can become strong. I can’t really afford to skip a day. I skipped so much already. I can’t let the fat build up around my muscle fat being hardships, fear, other opinions, and my own insecurity, My Alcohol-ISM. I want 99.9% of writing muscle and .01% of that other crap! I love writing dark family complex stories. It comes naturally. I am obsessed with foreign and independent film, it’s a vice I will never give up.
The lover and children would be a direct result from my positive thinking and creating. I can’t go looking for love I just have to be able to be open and see it when the universe brings it into existence. Even though I just out of a 3 year, I am a huge fan of love and such a hopeless romantic (as I sit in PJS in downtown LA) that’s ok I want someone to love me in PJS! I have always been a huge fan of French Cinema and that’s how I can explain the kind of love I love! You should check out French cinema it will blow your mind. My partner does not have to be French I enjoy all kinds of men. The connection is what I am attractive too, a great smile, a great laugh, who is a fan of art, and who is smart. I love learning and being taught also I would love someone who is evolving and growing also someone who has a bit of a past, gives them character! That’s how I feel at the moment; tomorrow I might want the complete opposite! And that’s ok. I am Hispanic so family really important. I do not need to reproduce my DNA; I am ok with loving a loveless child. I am not opposed to having my own. I would love a few kids. Give them a great childhood so I can destroy the family pattern and create a new way of thinking and traditions. I Never grew up with any traditions. The holidays would be amazing.
So that’s my American Dream. What’s so amazing is that its possible, does not matter where you are at today! Or the roads you have walked. Set up some short-term goals to get you there and work on them; do not let anything distract you including that voice that’s in your head! Not only knowing that but also understanding how that voice plays a current role in your life today once you do that then self-awareness begins than connecting that to your heart creates Freedom! And with freedom comes great possibility! Sober is the New Black!
Side note: I am so in love with California Dreamin by the Mamas & The Papas! I will be playing this record with my kids as we dance around the kitchen with are rose-colored glasses!