DAY 115 Sober: Family of Addiction

Hello Friends today is day 115 sober, I got back from my hometown of Palm Springs ca. My friend Lisa from Oklahoma came out, I have not seen her in over 4 years. It was nice reintroducing myself, a sober, calmer me but still similar. It seems like there was not enough time to catch up but I am glad we had the small time together. We danced the night away, I did not crave a drink one bit. I had a tonic and lime also a red bull. I love bars and clubs that give free soda or free non-alcoholic drinks to Designated Driver, It’s a wonderful idea and I hope more bars do the same. I got to see old friends. Hang with family and make new friends.

 

Dancing the night away sober filled with sweaty nights, great music, laughs and soda pop, and a late night fast food run after is a perfect night that shows it is possible to live a “sober is the new black” kind of life. This new normal is now the normal and I love it. I did not get to see everyone I would like to but I will after this work season is over. I wanted to get a tattoo but that would have to wait. Never enough time. What’s keeping me sober is getting control of the mind voice that is my disease and staying focus on self-healing.

 

My family is plagued with the curse of addiction my grandfather was an addict who passed away from booze. My father and mom both suffered from addiction I believe both have stopped but are not in a program of self healing so they are both filled with hurt, anger and making poor decisions, I feel they might still be using some other drug than meth maybe weed or booze not sure. I also have brothers that suffer from addiction. The longer I stay sober the deeper disgust I have for booze and drugs, it robbed my family from so much from potential. I Even sometimes finding myself wanting to break every bottle of booze in stores but I know its not the booze it’s the mind of the addict that allows us to lose are self.

 

This family curse will end with me so my kids and their kids will not be plagued with this family curse. I still have tons of work to do and learning how to heal the best way and its putting pen to paper this poem I wrote is for my mom. It’s a bit harsh but the pain she has caused is real and its written from that 3 year who had no voice, who was beaten black and blue with blood spills, no love, only fondled touches and anxiety ridden from drug fueled rage. All I had was nothing. Sober is the new black. Grateful for the reader, for love, for my healing writings, for life, for my strength, and my survivor skills.

 

 

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Stay Connect with love,  Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 72 Sober: Adolfo In the Moment

Hello friends today is Day 72 sober, I was up late last night writing away at Starbucks on my walk back home it started to rain which in august is kind of weird but I embraced it. After a great writing session I birth a new poem. I am very excited to share it with everyone soon. The walk home was so beautiful, when I got to the front of my apartment building I found myself sitting in the rain, embracing the beauty of the universe. I am such a small part and I am very grateful. People around me are telling me I’ve changed, that I seemed calmer and happier. In responses I say, I am the Adolfo that’s always been afraid to come out but Adolfo is no longer afraid, also has passion to become great. I sometimes find myself walking home and tears starts to flow not of pain but of joy. Knowing that I feel joy and peace with being sober, something I never knew was possible. People say life keeps getting better, my mind can’t imagine the joy inside being any greater than it is. Sobriety has brought me such peace and only with that peace I see the world from a different view, life smells sweet, and everything looks brighter from the light the shines upon me to the night gloom that surrounds me. People also say it’s a pink cloud phase and it will pass, well my goal is to never let it pass and even the worse days of sobriety is a pink cloud over a fun day drunk.

 

Addiction for me is a blessing because it forced me into recovery so I can begin healing my past and my wrongs, than it introduce me to that Inner divine, the co creator of life that allows endless possibility. If I didn’t have Addiction than I would still be walking around a bitter hop of past and pain. I can now see a clear path, what I need to do to get to my long-term goal. Constant work and discipline is keeping my mind focus. Nothing comes before my sobriety because without it I have nothing. I lose myself. Alcohol killed everything alive in my life, and preserves everything that is dead. It’s never too late to change your thought process and gain control over the mind. We are all powerful and capable. For me Alcoholism started in my mind in the form of thoughts that lead to the body. I recently became aware that my thoughts are controlled by me. Than with that I was able to do the work, learn to be happy, made different choices, deal with feelings and forgive my past and myself. I am not perfect, I don’t know all the answers but I want to learn all about myself so I can heal, I want to learn everything, I want to be the best for me and others. I am a work in progress. I want be in constant growth and evolving, not being stagnant in fear created by my mind. With that said I will buying a plane ticket somewhere so I can face my fear of flying, not sure where but it needs to happen. This is me in the moment, changing with every second of sobriety. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for love, finding myself, and meeting my inner divine. No one can take away what I create inside myself.

 

Natasha Bedingfield Unwritten is how i feel in this moment

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

DAY 66 Sober: Creating Clear Boundaries

Hello friends today is day 66 sober and it’s been such an amazing day so far. I am currently sitting outside on a bench, it’s a warm but overall beautiful. After watching yesterday post on forgiveness. I felt a weight lift off my back from The wrongs I have done and the wrongs others have done to me. Not that those things are ok but accepting that those things had happen and just let them be. Not beat myself over it in the moment and not hoping or wishing that the past could have been done any different. Such a powerful video.

 

What I learn is I need to create clear boundaries with certain people in my life including my parents. I never really had boundaries for myself. I would let people do what they want to me whether its being bullied or in relationship. I’ve been cheated on and I allowed myself to allow him to hurt me. It all comes back to me, yes he cheated but I allowed it to go on so it’s really my fault know one else. Yes it hurt but pain is part of life , I choose how long i want to suffer. The more i write down these things the more i realize how many people in my life don’t really know the life i walked including vince. we never went in depth.  It feels god to let these out. 

 

Today I choose what kind of relationship I want to have with my parents if any. When I was a kid I didn’t have a choice but now that I am older I can create clear boundaries, so they cant hurt me or anyone for that matter. I was never thought self respect and boundaries at a young age, only until now do I understand what that means. I know I could never live with my parents again or be around them for longer periods of time. I know that the minute I find someone cheating on me I am out the door. One of my EXS back in the desert was very cold and treated me really bad and I stayed. All I wanted was to be love I didn’t care how bad he treated me. I am starting to write down my teen years and will post shortly. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for creating boundaries, for love, and for you guys who take time to read my post.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

Leela James cover of Sam cooke “A change is gonna come” is the soundtrack to my life. Its just breathtaking