DAY 56 Sober: Homeward bound

Hello friends Today is day 56 sober, I woke up feeling really blessed. Today I travel back home to palm springs for the weekend. I always enjoy heading back, seeing family, seeing great friends, and of course eating all the yummy food I miss.  Going back Sober means a lot to me, in the past when I went home my mindset wasn’t clear, I had angry built up for my birth parents, I was drunk most of the time, I did not enjoy the moments. I probably wont see my birth parents but I do love them and wish them well. This trip will be filled with lots of love, food, laughter, tons of relatives, and a trip to a local Gay club. I love to dance and I need to start doing more stuff I love to do and less stuff I don’t like doing, life is to short. Maybe I can find a make out buddy but I won’t be holding my breath. 

My old night life in palm springs was always chaos before I would head out I knew that something would happen that will either lead to a drunken argument, fight, losing my ride home, arrest, getting kicked out of the club or bar, tying to score, tons of vomit and some crazy fling that was pretty horrible, I really had no respect for my body at all. I started going to a popular club around 15 yrs. old since then I’ve been kicked out tons of time.  I still can’t believe I made it out of Palm Springs alive and that I am in the space that I am in right now. Dancing is fun but I also want to sit a coffee shop and write, when I lived in the desert my mindset was in a different place so to do what I love back home would be a nice change. I never would write back home, I know my creative inspiration would blossom.

I enjoy somewhat of a routine in my life and when I don’t have it I get a bit sad, I feel like it stems from having such an unstable childhood and no really security, I so need that now but I need to change that it’s not healthy I am no longer in that environment.  I need to focus on the moments and say my grateful prayer each morning. It’s usually in the shower, cleanse from the day before. A refreshing new start. I give up every negative thought that bother me the day before, I ask my high power turn me upside down shake out all the negative thoughts, anger, hurt, pain, past, ego, fear, people criticism and put in happy thoughts, courage, compassion, love, joy, laughter, accepting of others, creativity, awareness and stillness. I used to look outward for those things but those are all created from within, I am the co-creator with the ultimate creator. Sober is the New Black

I am grateful for life, being sober, for family and for my aunt Angie for picking me up!

The killers are one of my favorite band of all time. The killers carry me home is the perfect road trip

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

DAY 54 SOBER: DOING THE RIGHT THING

Good morning friends, today is day 54 sober! It’s almost two months and I am so proud of myself for getting this far. The journey has been very clean, no cravings. I’ve been going deep trying to find issues that I have from childhood and connect the dots when it comes to my adult thinking. I’ve also been praying and surrendering, which has been amazing. When I surrender, even when it’s a non-Alcohol issue, the universe seems to work everything out. For example I recently moved into a new apartment and before the move I was a bit worried about taking on all the responsibility that comes with having your own place. I have never lived on my own and one of the worrisome was financial Responsibility, can I do it. So I prayed and surrender it to my higher power, as I understand it to be. A few hours later I called the rental office to see how much my move in cost will be and they informed me that my rent is half off for a year due to a maintenance issue. My eyes are not meant to see the universe path, just to believe and surrender, Let the universe play its role. Like Oprah says I can dream this big of a dream but the universe can dream, dreams bigger than you can imagine. Surrender, gratitude, and doing the right thing are the kind of space I always want to live in.

 

Doing the right thing isn’t always easy when you are caught up in your day or ego or issues, its that moment when you see a lost person asking for direction and you have a smart phone you can easily put in the address and direct them. The moment you realize their struggle the inner voice tells me maybe I should help her, that’s the inner divine speaking to me, the inner spirit, that has always been inside. Than my ego says nope I wont because I will miss stop or I am on Facebook. The “I” is the ego. Always thinking about it self and never grateful. Doing the right thing, not for profit or for ego will be so fulfilling within. Matching my words with my actions are really soul rewarding. I used to stay up watching YouTube videos seeing people give homeless people money. It felt good, it gave me tears of Joy and I heard my inner self say I would love to do that, Than the ego says “I” am not rich, theirs the “I” again. It’s not really the giving of the money that makes me cry it’s the compassion and empty without judgment that makes me cry.  Empathy and compassion is the universal language we all understand and it connects are inner souls. It overlooks race, sex, religion, and politics, what country you are from, beliefs. I am grateful for life, a clear mind, and for Sober is the New Black

 

I’ve been obsessed with Maya Angelou for a while this video helps me understand what do the Right thing means. Hope you enjoy this video  

 

 

Stay connect with  love, Adolfo

 

 

 

DAY 46 SOBER: Self Doubt

Hello friend’s today is day 46 sober, Last night was a very relaxing day. I did absolutely nothing except ate some pizza and watch film. Today will also be a relaxing day as well. Soon ill be working my freelance job so I need to enjoy this time off. This Freelance job is a seasonal job that will last until the end of the year. This job is a blessing, the pay is amazing but the work matches the job.  Last year I was in a bad place at the end of the season. I was a drunk and it was the beginning of the end of my three-year relationship. This season coming up I will be a sober new character and I am so grateful for the opportunity. I will be working 7 days a week but it doesn’t feel like work when you enjoy what you are doing. I just need to make time for AA and Sober is the New black. Without those nothing matters. Last season after work I would stop at the infamous liquor store around the corner fill up my Morning coffee cup. The job was a bit stressful added with my addiction and breakup but working out, eating better, meditation and making me time will help the stress. This job is a blessing so many in so many ways. 

 

Everyday that I am sober my mind gets clear and my body is feeling really good. I am learning how to cope with my feelings. Endure sadness and let it pass. Be grateful for the joy I feel and try in live in it always. Focusing on making new relationships and really try to connect with them on a soul level without ego and judgment. Learning everybody feelings are valid even if the ego disagrees.  Not really focusing on people who don’t understand me or Sober is the New Black. When you start listening and focusing on negative things people are saying it starts leaving a space for self doubt and that is not good for an addict. Not everybody going to like what I do, that’s ok. My job isn’t to change their mind or convince them to understand me. I can only focus on the ones that do because I know the universe is guiding me on my new path. I need to focus on my sobriety above all. Self-doubt is a form of fear and insecurity I have always struggle with. It was in still in me at a very young age and it carried into my adult life. I am a Sensitive type of person, I will always be somewhat affected by intense people and circumstances, but I need to establish a Spiritual core that I am working on now, so I wont be thrown off my path by people’s remarks. I am going deep within myself through meditation finding my core and its issues. I have always been somewhat of an introvert person and that helps me in knowing my core is what affects my thoughts and my current circumstance.

 

 I am grateful for my peace of mind, my job, and for people who try to understand others without ego.. this song is such a powerful amazing work of art. Has to be my all time favorite  Devendra Banhart freely 

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

Primetime AA changed my Life

In January of this year I walked into Primetime AA and heard this message that change my life and it planted the seed of change.   This AA format is based on Ego, Alcoholism, and self.  Hope this helps others on their journey in sobriety 

“And it happen just like that because The EGO Accepted the Truth, instead of admitting” Astrid Howe