Day 270 Sober: My Breakthrough

Hello Friends today is day 270 sober. Today has been a great day so far. Had a toothache last night into the morning light but feeling a lot better. Right now I am sitting in a café in Korea town enjoy a great read when a thought came into my head, I asked myself a question with a clear mind. Why did I start drinking? Within a sec of asking me that question the answer surfaced, that inner light that dwells in me must have known I was ready.

 

At a very young age, my reality was dark and fear-based.  I would pretend to live in a fantasy most of my childhood, playing pretend. That was acceptable because I was a kid. As I got older in the middle schools and high school playing pretend turned into daydreaming a life than the one I was currently living. High school and middle school was even darker than my childhood. As I got into my early 20’s I couldn’t hide from my reality and found a different escape, which was in the form of substance.

Substance made me happy, free and felt a bond I never felt before. After that “high” or “drinking” I would be thrown back into my unhappy reality so of course I would count the hours till 5pm or the next high to escape.

I was never taught how to create a happy life, no tools, no knowledge, and no foundation. I was going through life embracing experiences one bad after another without listening to the universe that I was on the wrong path. I guess my ears were still clogged from all the past pain. I thought life was just surviving bad experiences, but those bad experiences were just there so I can listen, learn and change.

Since I wasn’t aware or listening.  I repeated making choices that made my reality unhappy thus causing me to use thus creating my life a vicious cycle until my late 20s.

So how do I create a happy reality? The first thing is to always be clear minded so I can never touch another substance that would alter me. With a clear mind, I can create joy feelings with positive thoughts. See life like a blank canvas. Creating the life that I want without the past blinding. Always speak my inner truth and believe that every experience that happens in my life is the universe speaking to me, others call it god.  I feel god is in everything and speaks to me, in experiences, thoughts and feelings. Creating love within myself  for me without others opinions or thoughts. unlearn everything I was thought in my youth so I can learn with a smarter, loving, open, understanding mind and heart.

I am so grateful that at 270 days sober I know why I started using and know that every choice, thought, feeling I make has a direct effect on my future.

 

It seemed throughout my life I’ve learned so many lessons from others pain and for that I am profoundly sorry but also grateful that I am here today “In this moment a better me because of it”. Everyone is a teacher and some will go and some will stay and just because they go doesn’t mean it was an unsuccessful relationship it just means Its time for me to learn a new lesson, feel new things and maybe that teacher needs to teach someone else. With lesson’s I’ve gain from teachers I am able to see life in a different way. A smarter way, Sober is the New Black.

 

joy

 

peace

 

i follow

 

Christina Perri song I Believe is such a powerful and inspiring song. I hope it helps others who might be struggling with believing in their possibility.

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 95 Sober: Whatever will be will be

Hello friends, today is day 95 sober, yesterday I was feeling a bit sick but it’s from tiredness. I started working two jobs, writing and having a life is possible but it can be tiresome but sobriety is number one. Today I am feeling great! I went and got a haircut. I’ve been in bars and clubs, around friends and family who drink. Old places and new places still no need or want for that whiskey kiss. My mind loves this sober state; it was malnourish for so long. I now have nightmares of one day hanging out with friends and I accidently pick up their soda instead of mine and there is booze in it. That’s how focus I am in not ever drinking. Drinking is now a Nightmare. It feels good be coherent and not living in the past. I am learning to be focus yet not so hard and tense to allow greatness to flow out.

 

 

It no longer crosses my mind when I am around it, I forget people are drinking around me, it’s like the booze loss it power when I became aware of mind disorder. I am to focus on connection with people over what they are drinking. I am kind of the same me just a better version. I still love late night food runs, dancing, even making out but just sober. I am learning not everything physical around me has to change just my mind has to change. I see things differently now. I am also finding new love in things I never done before. New fun if you can call it; Like poetry, long walks and basketball. I don’t miss my old life anymore; I do miss the people but not my state of mind I was in. My body is looking great too. Overall I am exactly were I need to be. I no longer live in what if I would have done that differently. I accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and create the wisdom to now the difference. I just want to be better than I was yesterday and so on. Sober is the New Black

 

Stay connect with love Adolfo Vasquez

Doris Day whatever will be will be is perfect for this post, Que Sera Sera

 

 

 

DAY 74 Sober: My Bottom

Hello friends, today is day 74 sober.  No cravings since May 24 2014. That’s when I became aware of the Mental and body disorder called Alcoholism. The awareness came so Quickly, from one second to the next. It just clicked that I was an addict, for the longest time my mind or the voice of the Addiction would talk me out of me Accepting it but in that moment  Not only did I believe  I was an addict with every cell of my body, I also wanted to stop with every cell. I connected all the dots back to Alcohol, the state of mind I was in, the broken heart, the lack of people around me, all the love was gone, my car, anything and everything bad that had happen up to that point was caused by substances, Weed, Alcohol and cocaine.

 

My bottom was lying in bed by myself, healing from a car wreck, losing the love of my life, seeing loved ones living life while I was in misery. . For the first time ever going to court with a restraining order, I was so far form my true self. I had no passion for anything, no goals, no hope, wanting my life to end but I was to chicken to do it myself or maybe there was a small bit of hope that kept me going. I was becoming an all day drinker and even when I wasn’t drinking I was not my true self. I would get anxiety when I didn’t have a drink after a certain time. Everything good was disappearing little by little, I was getting very depressed. I did not want to do anything without being drunk. I had a fatty liver and my body started to feel horrible. I lost most of my friends.

 

I used to think my thoughts are who I am, but it’s not, I am the thing that creates the thoughts. I realized I choose’d misery. I always hid my booze from people, anywhere and everywhere, in hallways of buildings like a squirrel. When I left my ex I got my own place and I still hid my booze from myself. I must have been ashamed of myself. I feel like the mind disorder new my mind was shifting and wanted to plant stashes so maybe I can slip up but once I became aware of the mind disorder than that allowed me to have a spiritual awakening. That voice in my head lost power and so did the body craving. The mental part of the disorder goes deeper. The voice will always be with me but I believe it will become so quite I might not even hear it anymore but I have to keep doing my work and be in the moment or else that voice will come back and it might even resurface in other areas, like self doubt, anger, jealously, short temper, fear, no patience, stubborn. I have to change all my defects but I have to first figure out what caused it in the first place, the root of the Addiction.

 

In AA I hear people say some are sicker than others and I am starting to see it and I don’t want that for me. I want to live with an open heart and mind. To let go of ego and judgment, to see people only in the good light, to create from within, always be grateful, forgive everything, and to always be honest with others and myself. Honesty for me is something I was never taught as a child. I was told to lie to everyone about my home life. The minute I start being dishonest that disorder gets it power back. I know if I pick up again I will die. I wont let that happen and I will always be working not towards perfection but to be whole in the moment. Sober is the New black. I am grateful for this sweet air the universe provides me, I grateful for learning how to be honest, I am grateful for healthy Discipline, and for the courage that has always been inside me hidden under addiction.

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

Mariah Carey Hero is so great. there is a hero in me and in you. 

 

DAY 34 Sober: Sober Night Out!

Hello friends day 34 sober, just got in from a night out with some friends! I had such a fun time and I was sober.  In the past when i quit drinking I would dread going out because i wasn’t able to drink. I thought it was impossible to have a great time sober! I would be suffering inside well everybody drinks. I was still in the mindset of wanting to quit drinking and still wanting to live my normal life, I didn’t realize that every aspect of my old life had to change and I had to make a new normal! A better normal! I wanted to still hangout in bars with friends that were not healthy for me. I want to still surround myself with things that made me want to drink. It was that mental disorder that kept me in that routine because it wanted its fix! but now I am aware of the mental disorder call Alcohol-ISM (Inside Self & Mind) so now i can catch it when it feeds my mind lies and stories. 

 

So Tonight we ended up at a place called BEER BELLY which is a beer bar but this time around there was now craving of any sort, My craving now is for life and my long term goal! Beer belly has the best blue cheese & BuffaloWings, Duck Fries and Garlic Mac & Cheese! Its specality bar food! So i know now thats its possible to have an amazing time out on the town sober! life is amazing! I am so grateful for all the love and support! 

Sober Fun!

Sober Fun!

photo 1

Stay connect with love , Adolfo