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August 9, 2014

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DAY 78 Sober: Sobriety is A Flowing River, Sober Hangover

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DAY 78 Sober: Sobriety is A Flowing River

Hello, Friends Today is day 78 Sober. It’s been a great day. Just woke up from a midday nap, going to head to a coffee shop for a late night writing session. My mind is focus and nothing going to stop me from my goal. I have six poems birth and one more is on its way. I purchase a coffee maker and I am not sure if it’s just new or I am a bad coffee maker but it was the worst tasting batch ever. Tomorrow is my day off,  so ill be heading to a local flea market. The flea market is one of my favorite things to do on a Sunday morning I also plan on writing the final installment in my mini bio. That post should be done very soon. Life is flowing and everything seems to be falling into place so perfectly, I am so grateful for my sobriety. Yesterday I spent sometime with an amazing woman and amazing kids. We went shopping at target. From day one she’s been supportive on my way into sobriety. I am grateful for her wisdom, support and non-judgment. At my bottom, she saw in me what I see in myself today.

 

 Sobriety is a flowing  river nurturing surroundings, filled with life, continuing to push through waterfalls and finding its way over barriers. Alcohol is like a pond, Stagnant, lifeless and if you drink its toxic water you become ill, may even die, never flowing or evolving or growing, just staying still. I am the River. In sobriety the growing, the work is the fun part because I am getting to find love for life and myself. I am connecting the dots from childhood to adulthood. I am forgiving, creating love for others and me. I am very passionate for life and creating my own path. It is really awesome getting to know me. I use to live in bars but now I dance to the flow of life. The real Adolfo, I am still the same food loving, clueless at times, funny person just more peaceful, calmer with sense of self and purpose, with out that deep sadness. My face no longer hangs low but fly’s high with life. Greatness is upon me, I feel it inside, nothing and no one can take away the deep love I feel for myself. No circumstance, no hurt, no one. Yeah, life will happen and I will get sad a bit but I choose how long I want to suffer and with the deep love I have for myself it gets easier to get back up and refocus. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for family, friends and for love.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

I rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery, Glad I didn’t die before i met you. Bright eyes First day of my life is such a powerful song. love, love. 

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July 30, 2014

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DAY 68 Sober: Knowing my Triggers, Sober Hangover

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DAY 68 Sober: Knowing my Triggers

Hello friends, today is day 68 sober. I woke up happy as can be. I feel such a relief from yesterday post about my childhood. It was freeing and letting the words fall out from inside me out into the universe. Those words have been suffocating me for years. I am currently sitting on in a café in Koreatown listening to Amanda Palmer Ampersand. Music is such a powerful healing tool, it opens up my heart so I can cry those healing tears and some music fills my soul the strength for the day. Lately I’ve been swimming in music. Koreatown in Los Angeles is my favorite place to live. I currently live close to downtown LA but want to move back to this area. I have the next two days off so film; writing and sleep are on agenda. I opened the email sent from the Editor, it had feedback on my “untitled book”. It all made sense but I haven’t had time to finish all the corrections. My goal is to finish it these two days, so Coffee and more coffee will be my companion. Lately I’ve been feeling creative in my bed with the lights off like a love affair with my lab top. I tend sleep next to my MAC, It goes everywhere with me.

 

I need to be aware of my triggers when it comes to my Addiction that is called Alcoholism. I need to go back and see what went wrong the last time I got sober, what was the triggers that brought me back to using. First, I did not have a program to help me over come the body disorder the craving part. Second I did not have a program to help me with the mental part of the disorder. I didn’t have the right mental tools.  My triggers were boredom, when I was bored I drank. Also loneliness was a trigger. When I  felt alone I drank. Now I am alone now and I don’t have cravings at all, instead I crave life, being kind, helping others when I can, writing, and film. I am never am bored, I don’t let myself, and I always have my day plan out so I can stay busy. I use to just wonder through life without long term goals always focusing on instant gratification never trying to work towards long-term gratification that is more rewarding. I was lazy and content with not putting work into myself. Now I try to limit my instant gratification, before if I wanted something I got it without looking at my checkbook. I do allow healthy mind, body and soul instant gratifications but a limit. Now I say no to myself most of the time because I need to save for my long-term goals or gratifications. I won’t let boredom inn. The number one reason for me relapsing was letting the mental disorder convince me that I am not an addict. I am now in control of my thoughts so my mental disorder has no power over my self awareness and higher power and I fully surrender to my higher power that I understand it to be.

 

I also allow myself to feel sad emotions. I don’t hold it in, letting it out in my tears. I also try and live in the moment all the time, not letting my mind control my life anymore and let my soul lead. Thoughts and mind are amazing if I use it for positively to help me but when I use it to be self -abusive like comparing myself to others and jealous brings me closer to my Addiction. Sober is the New Black.

I am grateful for life, for falling in love with myself and for my higher power.

 

The greatest love of all Whitney Houston is prefect. The greatest love of all is within me.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

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July 27, 2014

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DAY 65 Sober: A Coffee Shop Boy, Sober Hangover

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DAY 65 Sober: A Coffee Shop Boy

Hello friends, today is day 65 sober, yesterday when I left work I was headed to write but felt sick  and started to get hives. So I decided it was best to head home. I jump in bed at 5pm and woke up today at 11pm, no work. I woke up a few moments in the early am hours to rummage in my fridge for a quick bite, which consisted of peanut butter and pretzels. I feel fine today and the hives are almost gone. Growing up I always got hives and shingles due to stress. I am now at a Boba coffee shop in Koreatown it’s my new favorite spot. It rained a bit today in Los Angeles, which is weird for July. This coffee shop has the best coffee and some great eye candy. This is the second time coming here and I walked in and this boy was standing behind the counter and I was focus on looking for my debit card but when I looked up, I was stunned by his physical appearance, sweat started to pour down my face and I was flush red. He did not have a name tag but I haven’t felt that way in a longtime since Vince, I would always get nervous around him. Even at the end. I will appreciate the physical beauty of a man but will only act when I feel that inner connection that I want. I do wonder what he thought seeing me get all flustered, I know he notice my weirdness, he probably thought man that guy must have workout or man he sweats a lot. Well it was raining so that could have saved me. Ok I need to focus as he’s working right in front of me. I can give you a play by play but this post can’t be all about a beautiful coffee shop guy.

 

On the way to this coffee shop I was sitting on the metro tuning into peoples conversation and what I heard is a lot of dislike about life, which is valid points because I don’t walk their steps but it got me thinking about myself. I need to be a lot more aware of words I put out into the universe. I am not a negative person but I am not perfect and can always be better. At work I tend to speak out about stuff I don’t like, when I do that then I am not living in a state of gratefulness. I should always say what I love about life or always see the sliver lining. Like I can be waiting for the bus, its hot and I am tired, instead of saying it or let my emotions get tied up in the thoughts I can think or say thank you higher power for this sober ride home and thank you for this job that have that I can live comfortably with and still have some leftovers for my fun. As I get to sober and get to know me, I am finding some amazing awesomeness but also I finding cracks that have been harden from long term self abuse and outer abuse that need to be heal and it starts with my thoughts and thinking. I get millions of thoughts a day and that’s ok and some might be negative and that’s ok but they key is not letting the negative thoughts affects my emotions, words and my attitude of the moment. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for my inner beauty, beauty in life and this beautiful coffee shop boy. Landon Pigg “Falling in love at a coffee shop” is a perfect song for this moment.

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

 

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July 23, 2014

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DAY 61 Sober: How to Silence the Mind with Eckhart Tolle, Sober Hangover

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DAY 61 Sober: How to Silence the Mind with Eckhart Tolle

Hello Friends, today is day 61 sober. I had a Great 3 hour nap. Sleep is such a powerful gift I can give my mind and body. My body knows when its sleepy, so if even if its kind of late I give that to my body because It knows when it needs rest. I need to have a clear mind and body at all times and if I am not well rested than the body and mind cant be fully aware. I have the next two days off. Just a work meeting but my goal is to finish the Long read of my childhood. It’s been hard and taking quite a bit tears and time but it’s almost done. I also want to start a Series of Poems. So coffee will be my best friend the next two days.

 

I  use my days off to recharge my soul; like cleansing from the chaos of the past days and one of the tools I use is spiritual teachers, one being Eckhart Tolle. He helps me clear my mind so I can go deep and work the steps. I’ve been reading Eckhart Tolle for years and I do believe I have always been somewhat of a self-aware person but I didn’t know how to follow through with it and did not want to stop drinking.  Now that I am sober I find myself connecting with his words a lot deeper and understanding it a lot clearer. This video helps me clear my mind and brings me to my inner divine. Hope this helps others. Sober is the New Black

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

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July 18, 2014

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DAY 56 Sober: Homeward bound, Sober Hangover

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DAY 56 Sober: Homeward bound

Hello friends Today is day 56 sober, I woke up feeling really blessed. Today I travel back home to palm springs for the weekend. I always enjoy heading back, seeing family, seeing great friends, and of course eating all the yummy food I miss.  Going back Sober means a lot to me, in the past when I went home my mindset wasn’t clear, I had angry built up for my birth parents, I was drunk most of the time, I did not enjoy the moments. I probably wont see my birth parents but I do love them and wish them well. This trip will be filled with lots of love, food, laughter, tons of relatives, and a trip to a local Gay club. I love to dance and I need to start doing more stuff I love to do and less stuff I don’t like doing, life is to short. Maybe I can find a make out buddy but I won’t be holding my breath. 

My old night life in palm springs was always chaos before I would head out I knew that something would happen that will either lead to a drunken argument, fight, losing my ride home, arrest, getting kicked out of the club or bar, tying to score, tons of vomit and some crazy fling that was pretty horrible, I really had no respect for my body at all. I started going to a popular club around 15 yrs. old since then I’ve been kicked out tons of time.  I still can’t believe I made it out of Palm Springs alive and that I am in the space that I am in right now. Dancing is fun but I also want to sit a coffee shop and write, when I lived in the desert my mindset was in a different place so to do what I love back home would be a nice change. I never would write back home, I know my creative inspiration would blossom.

I enjoy somewhat of a routine in my life and when I don’t have it I get a bit sad, I feel like it stems from having such an unstable childhood and no really security, I so need that now but I need to change that it’s not healthy I am no longer in that environment.  I need to focus on the moments and say my grateful prayer each morning. It’s usually in the shower, cleanse from the day before. A refreshing new start. I give up every negative thought that bother me the day before, I ask my high power turn me upside down shake out all the negative thoughts, anger, hurt, pain, past, ego, fear, people criticism and put in happy thoughts, courage, compassion, love, joy, laughter, accepting of others, creativity, awareness and stillness. I used to look outward for those things but those are all created from within, I am the co-creator with the ultimate creator. Sober is the New Black

I am grateful for life, being sober, for family and for my aunt Angie for picking me up!

The killers are one of my favorite band of all time. The killers carry me home is the perfect road trip

Stay connect with love, Adolfo