Sober is the new black
Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez
DAY 174 Sober: Reflections
Hello friends. It’s day 174 sober, Today was the end of my work season that means less work ahead and more writing. Feeling a bit tired, worked 14 hrs. yesterday but feeling positive and a bit sleepy. I’ve been working 60 plus hrs a week so I am in much need of a haircut, shaving, new glasses, gym, rest, Mani and Pedi. All well deserve.
A few days ago a site contacted me wanting me to write articles. I am beyond grateful. Sober life equals unimaginable dreams, so this weekend i’ll be writing my first article. Growing up I never thought I would be a writer. A poor, welfare kid, with addicts as parents, is no longer my story I carry on my back. I used that story to be mediocre and as an excuse for bad behavior. Now I take complete ownership for every part of my life. Being sober has brought a lot of clarity. This past year my life has done a complete 360. I have had some time to reflect on my past relationship this week. I realized just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean it was not a successful relationship. It was beyond successful. Some of the best moments of my life so far, I laughed and ate nice cheese, meet some cool people and had so much love around but the most important part is I am sober because of it. Those 3 years open me up to real love, I never knew I could love that deep or capable of connecting with someone on that level. I took away so many life-lesson and is blessed and grateful he saw something in me before I saw it in myself. If you see someone struggling, reach out and call them out. I believe there are many soul mates on this life road, he was what I needed at the time so I can grow and evolve. Now that I have evolved the universe will render a new soul mate that will teach me new lessons about myself, I just hope my love taught my ex something too.
I was so empty inside growing up so I was always searching to fill my insides up with instant-gratifications. Booze, sex, money, attention, food, getting skinny. I was searching to make me whole inside with outside stuff. Stuff goes away and never last. I did not realize healing started from within and is work that is constant. Whether an addict or a non-addict we all have healing to do. This upcoming year will be an adventure finding me every day and experience a new sober life. Sober is the new black.
Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez
Eddie Vedder is such an amazing artist and the soundtrack for into the wild which is a brilliant film is perfect.
Born on 11/11
Sober is the New Black
Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez
Day 169 Sober: Creating love for me
Hello Friends, today is 169 days sober, So far it has been pretty peaceful, my plans today is to enjoy each moment and not let anything negative effect my emotions. Lately, I’ve been enjoying being by myself. Away from others and it might be because I spend most of my weekdays surrounded with others and I don’t get much time with myself. My shower is my safe place, where I go and pray and reflect on how I can be better than the day before. I am washing away yesterday worries. Kind of symbolic. I just started once I got sober, I meet with my inner light, and once I connect I feel a sense of peace and my body tingles. It helps me start my day.
I also enjoy a sense of touch, I run my fingers over walls, or rub my toes in the dirt, so I can focus on the feeling bringing me back to the present away from mind haze. The more I do it the better I get at coming back to the present moment. I feel that sometimes you have to go back to heal so you can move forward but always come back to the moment in peace and understanding. I do notice everything seems brighter, I see life in everything from the wind carrying a bag to the bag itself. What keeps me sober is being connected with my inner light and being self-aware, constant evolving and staying in the moment. Accepting that I am the co-creator with the ultimate creator and embracing life plans.
What I need to work on is finding my purpose, writing yes but I think callings may change since I am always evolving and I might have many callings, I know eventually I would love to work with broken children so they can see their infinite Potential, as I was one of those kids.
In the past I only loved the way I knew how to, a broken kind of love it was still love, but showed in ways a person should not show love learned by seeing my parents. I did things a broken person did, but I was unaware of the broken mind caused by addiction and past hurts but I am aware now. Love is a feeling inside me I create for myself, which overflows into relationships. The most important thing is how I show my love. I am creating deep love for myself, letting it shine out. It’s constant work but, hopefully, it becomes effortless. Sober is the new black
Stay connect with love Adolfo Vasquez,
Love this song Adia from Sarah Mclachlan,
DAY 168 Sober: Sober Miracle
Hello Friends, today is 168 days sober, this week been a busy week, I worked 70hrs but glad this season will be over soon and ill have more time to write. My mind disorder called Alcoholism is healing, no cravings. This year I got sober and lost someone really important in my life. This has been the hardest but most rewarding year of my life. Some of the biggest mistakes that turn into life lesson happen this year. I realized all those things the addiction has done was my mental disorder that I was unaware of. I thought my addiction was me but once I separate the two, I was able to stop it dead in its track.
I will not hold myself prisoner from what my addiction has done; I am whom I choose to be now, in this moment. In order for me to grow I have to let go of the guilt of hurting loved ones, every day I feel less guilty. I can’t even relate to the old me so I can’t even explain what my old self did. I lost someone who was very instrumental in opening my eyes to the addiction. I lost him because I was unaware of my mental disorder. This is hard, but I am very strong and can get through it, I allow myself a good weep to cleanse myself. I know all I have to do is stay sober, I see sober miracles every day. I called them sober miracle like walking past old bars without feeling tempted, being around booze and not craving it. Feeling peace inside knowing my lips will never be on a beer bottle.
Change is very hard but freeing. I was born on 11.11 so in a few days I’ll be 29. I am now finding myself, forcing myself to heal old wounds. Forgiving everybody and everything still learning how to forgive me. I will never stop growing; I will continue to evolve, to inspire others and me. Right now, I am happy, feeling free and a bit sad but I am feeling life and not using and that is a sober miracle. Sober is the new black
Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez
Some Paloma Faith to end my night.
DAY 162 Sober: A Molested Child
Hello Friends, Today is day 162 sober, I just want to start off by saying all the readers support and inspiring message, that fill my heart up with so much joy. I just hope I do the same for others who may be suffering in this battle. Part of getting sober is going inside and finding root causes of my addiction. The ones I hide inside deep, from the traumas I’ve been through. I have not really talked about this subject to anyone, none of my family knows about this. So I might have some backlash or maybe some support but the most important thing in my life is healing so I can stay sober.
I was Sexually abused at a very young age. It was a male babysitter who would watch me while my mother would go out and party, my mother is also an addict. For a long time, I thought it was my doing or my curiosity that caused it. It happened more than once and I don’t remember much except that it felt good. I don’t know if I was seeking attention from the lack of it in my household or I might have seen people doing it in my household. Writing this down scares me a bit but I just need to connect the dots From being molested to addiction. I know being molested has everything to do with me seeking love in sex, or if someone is not attracted to me then that means there is something wrong with me.
My writing helps me heal from the inside. Taking all the pain out and writing it down is the way I know how to heal, When I was a child I lived in my head away from reality because It was to painful. I would daydream a new life so I can survivor another day. I don’t want to be a victim anymore, I need to take ownership of how my life is today and know that I am no longer that child being touch for love but a survivor that is blossoming into a softer person. I lived my life thinking everyone was out to hurt me and In a very defensive state but the reality is that not everyone is my parents or my molester. This was a hard write so now ill go weep my healing tears a bit. Sober is the New Black.
Stay Connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez
Ellie Goulding your song I dedciate to my innner child that still feels the need to feel scared. It time to go now, I got this. Run free.
DAY 161 SOBER: Loving me Whole
Hello Friends today is day 161 sober, It’s a beautiful day in Los Angeles. I needed some new optical glasses and headed over to little Tokyo, Warby Parker has some amazing glasses. I am now at my Favorite Coffee shop in Korea town. My goal this weekend is to write and spend sometime relaxing with my brother. I’ve been working ton of hours that allows little to no writing time. I am so grateful for the readers of Sober is the new black, This month the blog will be more active with my poetry, writing and starting some new aspects, That currently in the works. My book will be done in May and hopefully to print. Since I have gotten sober, I’ve had one craving about a month ago.
The mind is so different this time sober because I shut down that craving quickly. It was a huge step in my recovery process in the past, I would dwell and suffer in that craving but I change my thought and reminded myself of step one. It vanished, Cravings are part of the recovery process and I use that experience as a test to see if my program is working. So far my program is working, it helped me get through it and no cravings since.
This week I was on instagram and found a photo of a monk and his brother, both so different. I love looking at people from a far or photos and finding a story. When I saw this photo it impacted me tremendously. People could read it as good or bad, I see it more as the monk accepting his brother whole, seeing him only in the light of love and not in his own opinion or ego. I want to start seeing people souls more as opposed to their life scars that lay on their skin. I don’t know their story or why they are the way they are. I am not here to judge but I am here to hold their hand while they weep. I am going to be 29 in a week and I want to start being kinder, letting go of mind funk that makes me feel lesser at times. I need to be kinder to myself.
I want people to see past my disorder, my chubby cheeks, the food I eat, past my old ways and see my soul, see the good in me. Yes my disorder hurt a lot of people caused a lot of tears but I am a changed person due to my recovery, Lesson learned and the wheels keep turning. The photo below is of a monk and his brother, I hope today the readers suffer less and become fearless in the fight of sobriety. Sober is the new black.
Sober is the New Black
Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez
DAY 155 Sober: “Inspire” Poem
Sober is the New Black
Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez
DAY 153 Sober: Thoughts in the Mind
Hello Friends today is day 153 sober. Part of staying sober for me is to being aware of how my mind works, patterns, habits, how I see the world also matching my mind with actions. Doing the right thing. At first doing the right thing felt uncomfortable because it wasn’t the norm. After awhile it became a good habit. Habits aren’t all bad. Replacing positive thoughts with negative ones use to be hard but once I became aware that I am in controlled of my thoughts, creating them have been pretty awesome. Not soaking in suffering. Grief is healthy; Tears of hurt releasing 85 toxins from our body so I allow myself when I need it.
When I cry I let it flow and eventually it will stop but if I keep thinking the same thought it wont stop so I allow a healthy cry but change my thoughts when I feel it’s time, I am in control of my body and mind always. I also don’t feel much unhappiness, yes I do feel a bit sad at times, a bit heartbroken but I am still happy and loving life. My recovery is self-rewarding. I am finding myself, becoming less attached to stuff, not offended by other people. It’s pretty cool finding new things about myself. What I like and what I don’t like. Recovery is a blessing, first rule is don’t drink. Go inside and find my root causes that started my addiction, Find a higher power that dwells in me. AA rooms are amazing but it all comes down to me, and what I choose to do when I leave those four walls. I know I can’t control life but I can control myself and will continue to heal, healing all the way to my grave. Never reaching for perfection, only reaching for wholeness, peace, serenity, and gratefulness. I want my mind to be so still and Quiet, like I am floating in life always. Sober is the new Black. I am grateful for life, people, recovery, readers, and for my fingertips that allow me to heal through my writings.
Stay Connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez
DAY 151 Sober: MACKLEMORE
Hello Friends today is day 151 sober, it’s been such a busy day. Life has been really good since my last post. My heart is getting stronger everyday and my mind is getting clear from all the negative thoughts. Being aware of the mind Disorder called Addiction is helping my stay sober, one-day at a time. Grateful for each sober moment. I have always been a fan of people who are outspoken about their addiction, it helps me see whats possible in being sober. They are teachers and for newly sober they inspire. Not just sober from booze, sober from hurt, fear, sober from anything this is preventing someone from reaching there full potential. I relapse a bunch of times in the past because I was focus on the stuff I couldn’t do anymore like old routines, old friends instead imagining what I can accomplish once I am sober. I hid my relapses from everyone I loved. The mind disorder was a lair but me the person was so weak and scared I was so ashamed. I was a let down like always. Someone really close to me found wine bottles in my bag and I broke down, The disorder came out screaming than the real me came out crying knowing that I let everyone down again. It still haunts me a bit but admitting my relapse was very painful and hard for my loved ones but it free’d me so i can hit my rock bottom, which made me become aware of the mind, that lead me here today healing. It needs to stay as a reminder of what booze has done to my life. I know exactly what will happen if I started drinking again but I don’t know what will happen when I stay sober and that is amazing.
I never really listen to Macklemore music until a friend recommended me to him. I was unaware there album “The heist” is about Ben Haggerty overcoming past and his addiction. Ben Haggerty is a member of the hip-hop group. The last few days I’ve been obsessed with his album and his story. It shows the Capability of Sobriety, if you relapse its ok because you can change now in this moment. Macklemore inspires me to keep writing, dreaming and to never ever feel that my addiction Is who I am, I am so much greater and I have infinite possibility when I sober. The first 2 videos are songs off Their album the Heist. They are about Ben Haggerty addiction and the last video is an interview with dateline about relapsing. Sober is the new black.
Stay connect with love Adolfo
Sober Is The New Black 