DAY 8 Sober: Sober Saturdays
Hello World, Today is Day 8 Sober and i am feeling so good. I got 8 hrs of sleep with no Friday hangover! Its pretty awesome to know i wont ever experience a hangover. I am at Iota cafe, Such an awesome atmosphere. Today will be a first in a very long time. A sober saturday sounded like a hell in the past now it seems like a blast to know exactly how its going to end. In the past with my Alcoholism it would always end ugly. Or regretful. Its good to know i am in control of my saturday nights from mow on. Why are saturdays such a self abusive night for youth. Alcohol is such a powerful drug that has killed millions directly and in directly and yet still legal but end the its the youths mind that makes those choices. I am currently seating next to a couple who is about to order a craft beer. Craft beer was my favorite especially IPA’s. I am sipping on a carmel latte. I can spell the hops from here but i am staying focus and not even a visual or smell can take away my Happiness and focus.
Not sure whats on the agenda for tonight maybe some bored games, food, karaoke, I do love to dance. I am so in love with Ktown! Ill be with some awesome and supportive peeps. Its important to have that in your life but if you don’t thats ok because in the end of the day the only person that keeps you sober is yourself. I am starting to get back that passion again for things i wanted to do when i got older. I feel like my disorder stunted my growth so i am still that high school kid trying to figure out whats next. Well i have an amazing passion for film and writing. As a kid film took me away from the chaos that surround my childhood, For 2 hrs i would not be worrying about my next meal, or if i am going to get beat. I would live vicariously through the actors on screen and act out scenes, i would even practice my oscar speech over and over again. As i got older my taste and film has gotten a bit snobby i must admit but nonetheless the passion still there to Act, Write and create.
I have been in few things and I have started writing an amazing story but i am bias of course. Sia on pandora is pretty amazing at the moment. I will be filling you guys in on my first saturday sober in a video blog. I am so grateful for life and for the love that surrounds me thats shine through me. Staying sober and watching the disorder that centers in my mind will take work but I am one million times ready to take it on and eventually the disorder will loose so much power it would be more life a bird chirp than a train horn. Thank you all for reading this and for being so supportive!
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
DAY 8 Sober: A Friday night out Video
DAY 7 Sober: Friday Night out
Drunken Past
Back in palm springs i got Arrested for public intoxication and had my Septum ripped out just a reminder That life is amazing sober! and My Alcoholism was destroying everything amazing in my life!
Reminder!
DAY 7 Sober: Game Plan
Hello my friends! Its been a whole week since I had my last sip, It was a whiskey and ginger ale. I was stumbling down western calling uber, Poor uber driver, god only knows how that turned out but I am so excited to be sober. The support from everybody has been so Refreshing and much appreciated. My brother, his wife, my niece and nephew came out to visit . It was so nice being around family. We went and had lunch at pinks. Most of my family lives in Palm Springs or Bakersfield. I am the only one out here in LA. I do miss them all the time but LA has been so amazing and life changing… this is my home.
Somebody wise today ask me what is my game plan ? I did not get the question right away. Then I realize what she was saying, life will get tough. People will pass away or trauma will happen again . How will I deal with life sober When life starts testing my courage I need a game plan. My life has to co exists with alcohol, I have to be ok with being around it. I think for me the key is to surround myself with supportive love ones and remind myself what kind of person I was when I was treating my disorder with alcohol. I also need incorporate healthy outlets like running, bike riding and meditation. I enjoy all three of those Healthy activities, they also help me clear my mind. My writings also has help me a ton. It important to allow yourself time to grief and not hold it in. I need to always be focusing on my Spiritual growth, being grateful and also giving which i don’t do as often as I should.
This weekend going to be a huge step for me, Ill be signing a new lease for my own apt in LA. Ive been kinda like a nomad after my split Back in november. Well we broke up in November but didn’t really stop you know until February so i say February my ex might disagree but anyways. Its just a huge final step that is exciting and scary. It’s in the same building just across the hall so it’ll be an easy move. I am so grateful for being sober and the universe has been so kind since i’ve been living my truth. thank you all again
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
DAY 6 Sober: Breaking the Cycle
Before i start i wanted to Address something i notice when I was watching my Day 6 sober: Breaking the cycle video i said ” I always needed booze,boys, money, cars, friends, I mean its nice to have those things but those things don’t mean shit if you are not really working on your stuff and happy” You see how sneaky this disorder is! I was naming off stuff i used in the past to make me happy and even if i am happy or dealing with my stuff I can never drink booze or have any substance! its still trying to sneak in, that was a real moment on how Alcoholism works! Inside Self and Mind=ISM.. I am glad i caught it so i can be aware!!!!!!!!
So, Today has be a very amazing day Day 6 sober. I am currently Laying in bed alone, in peace…..well I was until my wifi stopped working now at a Starbucks on Wilshire! I used to hate being alone because I was left with my mind feeding me my horrible past then those thoughts became feelings that consisted of paranoia, fear, Anxiety, sadness, loneliness, and unsettledness. So then My Alcohol disorder would easily convince my to drink to the point of darkness and that was the pattern that Repeated over, over and over in cycles for years. I Feel like my family had patterns that turn into cycles that has been in grain in us from generation to generation. There is a reason why addiction has been passed down from my grandpa, father then to me. Learn habits? I used to tell myself i would never be an addict after living through a horrible childhood. I hated the thought of booze and drugs, so how did i end up here?
Can Patterns be in grain in us with us not even knowing? I believe my family had behavior patterns that told us how to view the world, are opinion of others, self esteem and are belief system. Family patterns are not bad or good.. it was passed down to them. We need them to challenge us so we can grow. We also have the power to break free from the family patterns, just by becoming aware of are thoughts. Its a challenge for me but if i want to overcome this Alcohol disorder then i have to be aware of my self esteem, how i see the world, and be the watcher of my mind. Last night when i was talking in my video blog i had an aahhh moment in Oprah words. I realize that i am the one in are family to break this pattern in the Vasquez generation. Ive been preparing for this battle my whole life, maybe thats why i had all the trauma in my childhood so i can be strong enough to fight this battle, so my children and their children are free from this disorder that was handed down to us! I never really knew my grandpa Santos but i really understand him now and maybe just maybe he is on the other side keeping me alive so i can fight for him too!
It ends now and here.. I will be starting AA this weekend and i know it helped millions and i know in my heart that i am an addict and thats the first step. To know you are powerless over booze. I am open to anything that can help me stay sober. So if anyone out there has any suggestions, that would be awesome! Iam so grateful for 6 days sober and finding myself everyday!
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
DAY 6 Sober: Video Breaking the Cycle
So i stayed up late last night AND wanted to talk! Here is my late night thoughts on family, Addiction, Cycle, and mind!
I will be posting more on Day 6 later on tonight on family Cycles and Hidden patterns.
DAY 5 Sober: A Survivor Mind
Today is day five sober and i am still going strong. My video Blog was so scary btw, It was so hard but i am glad i did. I am enjoying a Chai tea at my spot in Koreatown. No cravings so far but i am starting to feel that semi Depression that sneaks up on you in the beginning stages of getting sober. My Body aches, I have night sweats, muscle Spasms, Lack of sleep, Lack of appetite and also a mild headache. . In the past five months my life has been turn upside down. Some of the hardest moments of my life so far…So much change but with change comes freedom, loneliness, and endless possiblities Also nothing seems fun and i kinda don’t want to do anything except write. Which is still pretty good but i love film and i usually watch at least one or two a day Maybe its the lack of sleep Ive been getting. Things are starting to settle down a bit and a new normal is on the horizon, i cant see what it looks like but i know it involves being sober.
Not sure why it took me so long to realize i was an addict. After countless bad decisions. Even after seeing people i knew pass from addiction. Doctors telling me I have a fatty liver. None of it was enough. Yet my mind just shifted on may 24 14. I realized its a mental disorder that centers in are brain and not in the booze and that i have control of my mind and sometimes the mind can be your worst enemy addicts or none addicts. In my childhood and even up to my 20’s I had a lot of trauma that range from Sexual abuse, emotional abuse, Physical abuse, and neglect. A child mind is very impressionable and cant rationalize those forms of abuse. So i was taught at a very young age to always live in this mind, I had to survive and my mind made it possible. I used to pretend play as child every child pretends which is normal but my lasted a bit long into high school my reality was so bad that i would spend hours with my mind in my room or watching tons of film. As i got older i stayed in mind even when the surroundings got so much better filled with amazing love. I was still in survivor mode.
When i was younger my mind would lie to teachers when they saw knots on my head or lie to everybody so my parents would not get in trouble. Stealing food, stealing from family. when i was younger i was really small and skinny so i would be put into doggy doors so i can steal food. I used to walk into walmart with old shoes and walk out with knew shoes..With parent consent. In high school freshman year I only had two outfits horrible Experience, I was leaving with my father at the time. The minute i got a work permit i had to work paying rent so i was always in my mind surviving not trying to find out who i was or what my future looked like, Prom, college. As i got older my mind was still in survivor mode, My mother was living with me and i was 2o.Working full time to put food on the table. I sorta raised my young brother since he was a kid. My mom always had jobs that didn’t last more then a few months.
Then one night a girl who will be nameless, offered me cocaine at that gay bar and my mind felt so good it was not in survivor mode and the rest was history…So the minute i had a chance at a normal life in LA i took it!!!!! get the hell out of the desert! but i was still with that survivor mind but with a bigger Disorder, I came to LA with my Alcohol disorder! and that was horrible. My survivor mind showed itself with distrust, fear, Paranoia, Added with booze! BOY O BOY! what a recipe. The really fucked up part was the Surroundings was such a 360 from back home. Filled with love, good cheese, Wonderful game nights, BBQ’s, laughter, an amazing apartment, maggie my dog, an amazing ex with an amazing family and group of friends. I was in survivor mode fueled by booze i did not even see the amazing love i had back home from my bros, sis in law, nephews, niece, Step mom and my all my aunts. My real parents are amazing too! My alcohol disorder helps me understand them more. They are pretty awesome.
So part of my recovery is to go back and heal my own wounds. Forgive people and forgive myself. I am so grateful for my being sober and for everyone who is taking time out there day to reading this! I hope one day i can inspire. One blog at a Time
Stay connect with love, Adolfo
DAY 4 Sober: Video BLOG
Sober Is The New Black 