DAY 112 Sober: Demi Lovato

Hello friends today is Day 112 sober, I’ve really busy writing lately. Writing takes up most of my days, anywhere from 6hrs and up. I used to spend that much time in a bar but I am no longer in that prison. I found a new love in coffee shop bliss. The surroundings are A lot nicer and it doesn’t smell like drunken vomit. I am inspired by natural light so open space with a lot of green is a perfect place. I know some people could be turn off by me counting days, but the reason for it is so I can look back and see my growth. It’s like an online journal and maybe someone who might be struggling at day36 can Google and maybe my post can show them I am there with them in that moment so they don’t feel alone and also maybe I can remind someone with more days then me what day 78 was like. Also if I need a reminder on how life was in the past I can look back and see my progress. Like I said I can’t waste energy on people who committed to not understanding my sobriety or me. I only hope to only inspire others who might be suffering to find a program that works for them and to heal from within but not just heal but become great in life and live your dreams. When you are healing within it flows into actions and how your treat others without opinions and judgments.

 

I know what works to keep me sober might not work for everyone and that’s ok. Aggressive opinions on how I stay sober can hurt me a bit, I know some are out of concern but its working and I am sober and not craving. My spiritual healing is the core. The steps are the foundation. Yes of course AA helps but what’s more important for me is outside those four walls and the actions I take on my day-to-day basis. I may not always go into detail about what step I am on or commitments or sponsorship. I might in the future but I write in the moment, these post are not written in advance. I don’t even have an idea in my head until my fingers hit the keyboard. Than after the title is made. I write in the moment for the moment.

 

 

I have always been an open book and share every detail of my life. If anyone has any question I am open to them and will always answer the best I can. I am a huge fan of people in recovery speaking up about addiction. People have an idea that just because you are sober you can’t have fun but that’s far from wrong. Artists celebrate recreational drug use in music and TV; I think its wrong and also I think there should be more clear minded alternatives for young people. Being sober is the best thing I have ever put on, its fits like a black dress it works in every aspect of my life. It’s an amazing life and very cool. It’s a great state of mind and there should be more options for people in there 20’s who do not feel pressure to heavily drink and do drugs on a sat night, have a cup of coffee and write, go dancing sober, instead of picking up a drink, pick up a paint brush, create a hobby, create art. Find you. Now that I am leaving my twenties, I realize it was a drunken blur and I just want kids to know there are other options; I could have had 10 books publish already with the amount of money and time spent on partying. I am so grateful for people who speak up about addiction celebs and non. I admire Demi Lovato, she is one of us. She is in recovery and her music is all about empowering others who suffer from addiction to know anything is possible once you seek help and heal and do the work. Sober is the new Black.

 

DEMI LOVATO STORY, SO BRAVE AND INSPIRING.

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez 

DAY 109 Sober: Oh hello, Roller coaster of Emotions

Hello Friends today is day 109 sober, it’s been a really good day. I did have a Rollercoaster of emotion the other day. Day 106 sober. My post was more a feeling rant. What I am noticing is I am learning how to feel life again and deal with the emotions that come with sobriety. I hope I did not worry anyone, nothing will take away my sobriety. Its number one and the rest will follow. The last few days, I had to accept the universe decision, I know there is a bigger picture my round eyes probably cant see at the moment but I know The universe has something huge in store for me. I just have to stay focus and embrace life, how I am suppose to. Sobriety doesn’t solve all my worries it just gives me a clear mind so I can make a decision and heal. I am going to have ups and downs and probably feel hurt again but what’s amazing is I am not wanting to drink. I am so proud that I can become sad to that extent I was that night and not want to use.

 

Getting sober, break up. losing everything is really hard but possible to overcome and what’s even more crazier is you can go from that too writing a book and that my friends just shows you the power of sobriety. People in recovery are the strongest people I have ever met. Dealing with addiction and trying to be a better person everyday takes endless amounts of courage . Some People who are non addicts don’t try and be the best them everyday. Also the loved ones who stick by the addict are also the strongest people I know because my loved ones were fighting my addiction and dealing before I deiced to fight myself and continue to love me and support me. That’s why they are my hero’s. Vince mother, Vince, my stepmother, Vince friends and family, my friends, my family. They were fighting before me and it feels good to know their pain was not in vain. So grateful for them and their love. there are no words.

 

Side note: I learned when I like someone I forget how to speak in normal talk I Stutter and get so nervous

 

I have five days off coming up and I want to do a mini trip somewhere and also write, write, write. It really helps me clear my mind and stay focus. My goal is to have my first draft complete by Monday and hopefully soon you guys can be reading my book. Today I am grateful for love, friends, work, and writing and for pain that makes me stronger and the fact that I am felling pain means I am alive and that is a blessing in itself. Sober is the New Black

 

Stay Connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

Vance joy besides being hot and a great singer, is a brilliant artist Riptide is perfection

 

DAY 102 Sober: Creating a new Path

Hello friends today is day 102 sober, It’s been a great day. I am now working two jobs that I am very grateful for. I know I will have to get use to not having any days off. It will last for a few months so I just have to buckle up. Writing is a passion I love doing. I have always written stories and poems growing up. When my addiction got really bad I slowed down quite a bit. I would write in bars with a whiskey. I usually end up getting lost in the story or never finish. When I read them back, it just seemed like empty words without passion. I used to think I needed to be under the influence to create but I was so wrong. My writings have meaning now that I have a clear mind. What I create make sense and I have a game plan to execute what I am trying to say. A lot of artist create masterpieces on drugs or booze, for me it is the opposite.

 

I am now working on a book and even with a sober mind there are challenges. Not enough time in the day is something I am struggling with due to working two jobs but I am pushing through. So for the next few months ill be writing, rewriting, scraping, writing etc. I do have a great chunk done and I know it will be amazing, I don’t want to say to much about it expect I hope it inspires others to follow their passion.

 

 The road you’ve walked or the Circumstance you are currently in are not a deciding factor on the new road you can create now. Start building a new path in the opposite direction. On that new path plant seeds of change and see your surrounding blossom. Everything around you will start looking brighter and the road will be tuff at first, you might even need to pull out weeds and push through bushes and knock down trees but that work will pay off and that road will lead you into a new life. Anything is possible if you heal from within and work towards that goal. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. You are not the surroundings you are currently in, that’s just a waiting room into greatness. It is not easy and I have fallen down a million times and I will fall again I just have to get back up even when it’s easy to lay down. This book will be done period. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for my fingers, for my eyes, for my brothers, for the freedom sobriety has given me, and for my writing that fills my life with purpose.

 

 

 

Natasha Bedingfield Unwritten is such a great such. Today is were your book begins the future is still unwritten

 

Stay Connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

Day 85 Sober: To loved ones I hurt

Day 85 sober, Hello friends today is such a wonderful day. I’ve been writing away. Just took a break. So I can post this. Life will happen and sometimes I might disagree or not understand it but it’s not my job to understand everything at the time it happens. I just have to surrender them to my higher power. Some lessons are so quite and so transparent the human eyes and ears can’t detect it. Life will hurt but I love myself and I am alive. I sometimes wish with all my might, I can take back the things I’ve done, sometimes i feel like those are still here to haunt me.

 I need to stay focus. I will never drink I know that but I might still weep from those things I’ve done. It’s getting easier but hearing the trauma I caused my loved ones, I can’t help but feel a bit blue. I am no longer those things, I am someone new, with a new mind. I have to let people heal on their terms because their feelings are valid. I can’t make someone heal. I just want people to know me now, the real me. The one who always wants to laugh, dance, sing karaoke, have game nights, value connection, and wants to love. I am no longer that emotional mess that is self absorb with drunken blackout.

 I wish I can wipe away my loved ones worries with a snap but I cant. I just have to show them the change me, let them get to know the new me. What I am realizing is recovery isn’t just for the addict it might be for the whole family. With that said if there is anyone out there who is reading this that I hurt in anyway due to my old drunken ways, I am tremendously sorry, there are not enough words nor poems I can write to take away that memory or pain your heart felt. I am no longer that abused child who was beaten black and blue that was scared of  life, that molested little 3 year old who drank because he suffered; I am a courage’s soul who stands tall,  deeply in love with himself, who wants to be the best he can with every moment of life. Who wants to spend the time building healthy relationships. I now live in place of  understanding and gratitude. I now use my past for  fuel instead of the excuse. I hope one day we can make a million great memories for each bad one.

Sober is the New Black. I am grateful I am feeling life even if it hurts a bit, I am grateful for love, for second chances even if doesn’t work out, for dreams that keep me focus, and for sobriety

 

In Jason Mraz words I wont give up, even if it doesn’t work out 

 

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

DAY 82 Sober: In love with Me

Hello Friends today is day 82 sober, I had such a wonderful productive day. My next day off is this Friday, no plans really except going to a publishing office. Life is pretty amazing. I’ve been working on creating love with in myself for me. In the beginning it was a bit difficult and it took a lot of work. For me it started with watching the way my mind works. My mind would tell me sad, story’s that made me feel bad. For example all I am is an addict, I have nothing, I am fat etc. So I had to change those thoughts to yes I am an addict but I am also other amazing thing, yes I might be chunky but I am still amazing and I can work on that. Than I starting adding positive thoughts telling me how awesome I am. I do it most of the day, usually in the morning or in bed. Then I started noticing my feelings starting to match my thoughts and words. Now when I do it I add the feeling and now it even bleeds into my actions. Not only do I feel deep love inside me for me but also I feel in on my skin like a warm blanket or a nice fire. It protects me from others. I will no longer be that abused child or self-abusive. I won’t walk away; I will stand tall and push my way through. No one has the power to make me feel anything other than what I feel for myself.

 

This can only happen if I keep this sober mind, I found such deep love for myself, greater than any other human. I respect myself so much and since I created it, know one can take it away, yes I get moments of sadness cause by life but the time I suffer is less and its easier to get that smile back.  Now that i found purpose, deep love for myself and is focus. I would love to share this new me and life with someone. I love my little belly that seems to never disappear, I love my curly hair that seems to be out of control at times, I am in love with my laugh, and my gap front teeth. I love every distinct thing that makes me, me. I am so inspired by me I wrote a poem today. Sobriety has brought me a deep love others and me. I love even strangers. Looking in people eyes and listening without my ego, has change the way I connect with others. Listen, understanding and validate that they are heard. At work, when I am talking to people now I get constant handshakes and smiles. Everybody matters because they are born; it’s not an accident why we are here. That sperm hit that egg for a reason, everybody has a purpose, and lets find it. I am starting to find mine. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for me, sobriety, for a new/old friend that just resurfaces, for my naps and for life.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

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Jessica Andrews Who i am is such a powerful song, Finding who I am everyday

 

DAY 81 Sober: A Poem a day

Hello friends today is day 81 sober, Today been such an amazing. I’ve been in bed most of the day. I was beyond tired after work. I wrote a few poems today. I am finding a new love that is poetry. It helps me get these feeling out. I was in the middle of my series of poems when I was inspired to start a new series, both will be finish soon. Then off to be Publish, Its crazy to know I am living a dream, a dream not in my head; it’s more of a feeling that I feel come over my skin. It’s hard to explain. Like an out of body experience with heighten senses.

But a dream only made possible from staying sober, man if I knew how it felt I would have done it years ago saved so many heartbreaks. My 90 days are coming up, no plans yet, maybe a steak dinner. People talk about being humble, which I am trying to always be but I want to celebrate every moment that I am sober. I deprive myself for so long from life and I am now in the moment, dancing, laughing, writing, and loving. I feel like my life will be a constant celebration even if my surrounding are not matching, life going to happen whether I like it or not, I just need to be so in love with life the ride will be fun and It will be easier to pass through hard times. I want sobriety over, fun, money, fame, love, over everything. I am learning how to fall in love with the essence of sobriety; it’s been pretty easy. I have not craved a single drop of booze in almost 3 months, which is unheard of with the old Adolfo. I don’t put myself around people, places or things that might trigger that but even if that trigger appears the buzz of this dream is so much greater than that whiskey thief that robs me of everything. Including life. Sober is the New Black. Five things I am grateful for is for love, sobriety, the readers from all over the world, poems, and for people in recovery who are walking beside me, reaching out a hand if ever darkness appears.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

Poem 4

Poem 4

Lykke li Dance, dance, dance is so amazing. Words can never make up for what you do, so now I dance, dance, dance

 

DAY 79 Sober: Lesson Learned and Wheels Keep Turning

Hello friends, today is day 79 sober. It’s been such wonderful day so far. Last night I was up till four in the morning finishing up my poems. Almost done than they will be off to an editor to look it over, I think they are perfect but its good to get an opinion. I feel like there might be more then twelve but we will see. I spent the day shopping away at a flea market and thrift stores. I love finding eclectic pieces. I found some cool glasses. I going to spend the rest of the day writing the final installment of my mini bio and try to finish up the series I’ve been working on. No cravings at all since, I got sober. I am about to hit 3 months and that’s around the time of my last relapse. I was in a sober living, I started boozing it up there than shortly after checking out.

 

 

My mind was so different back than and my life was chaotic. Getting sober at the time, going through a break up and not having a stable place live. At the time I didn’t realize it was all my doing. I am glad I can go back and reflect on some of the things, so I can do differently. I did at the time get some vital information that planted seeds in my mind. I use to think my Addiction was in the booze so I just stop drinking. I was unaware that Addiction is a disorder that centers in the mind and self. So that was the biggest Aha moment, But at the time I did not want to accept the fact that I wasn’t in control. My relapse hit hard and fast, I am so lucky to be alive. It consisted of court, keying a car and a MRI. Lesson learned and the wheels keep turning. One of the biggest gift I found in sobriety is forgiving others and forgiving myself. It took a lot of work but I can honestly say I sit here with no guilt from those things. It was a beautiful disaster; Because of that bottom I am here not only alive but also living! Living my life to fullest in the moment. I cant wait to see what life has in store for me next, whatever happens I will be grateful, appreciate it, put lots of love into it, have my thoughts, words, and actions match, as I am doing now, Keep evolving and growing, non stop writing, going deep in my self so I can continue to heal and hangout with my inner divine or higher power. I have so many dreams now, love is one but also to be a writer, make a film, act more, become a journalist. Make a home with my love and have some Golden Retrievers. Watch them all play in the front yard while I drink my coffee. I want to write constant love letters to my love. Get married and be inspired everyday from those lovely eyes staring back at me. Hell, maybe ill even write a book all about my love. I get inspired by everything now days, from zombies to shoes. I cant have any of that unless I stay sober. Life is pretty amazing, Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for these awesome glasses in the pic I found, for my readers and I am grateful for everything.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

 

Ingrid Michaelson The Way I am is perfection. Hope you like

 

Day 79 sober cool shades

Day 79 sober cool shades

 

 

DAY 78 Sober: Sobriety is A Flowing River

Hello, Friends Today is day 78 Sober. It’s been a great day. Just woke up from a midday nap, going to head to a coffee shop for a late night writing session. My mind is focus and nothing going to stop me from my goal. I have six poems birth and one more is on its way. I purchase a coffee maker and I am not sure if it’s just new or I am a bad coffee maker but it was the worst tasting batch ever. Tomorrow is my day off,  so ill be heading to a local flea market. The flea market is one of my favorite things to do on a Sunday morning I also plan on writing the final installment in my mini bio. That post should be done very soon. Life is flowing and everything seems to be falling into place so perfectly, I am so grateful for my sobriety. Yesterday I spent sometime with an amazing woman and amazing kids. We went shopping at target. From day one she’s been supportive on my way into sobriety. I am grateful for her wisdom, support and non-judgment. At my bottom, she saw in me what I see in myself today.

 

 Sobriety is a flowing  river nurturing surroundings, filled with life, continuing to push through waterfalls and finding its way over barriers. Alcohol is like a pond, Stagnant, lifeless and if you drink its toxic water you become ill, may even die, never flowing or evolving or growing, just staying still. I am the River. In sobriety the growing, the work is the fun part because I am getting to find love for life and myself. I am connecting the dots from childhood to adulthood. I am forgiving, creating love for others and me. I am very passionate for life and creating my own path. It is really awesome getting to know me. I use to live in bars but now I dance to the flow of life. The real Adolfo, I am still the same food loving, clueless at times, funny person just more peaceful, calmer with sense of self and purpose, with out that deep sadness. My face no longer hangs low but fly’s high with life. Greatness is upon me, I feel it inside, nothing and no one can take away the deep love I feel for myself. No circumstance, no hurt, no one. Yeah, life will happen and I will get sad a bit but I choose how long I want to suffer and with the deep love I have for myself it gets easier to get back up and refocus. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for family, friends and for love.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo

 

I rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery, Glad I didn’t die before i met you. Bright eyes First day of my life is such a powerful song. love, love. 

DAY 72 Sober: Adolfo In the Moment

Hello friends today is Day 72 sober, I was up late last night writing away at Starbucks on my walk back home it started to rain which in august is kind of weird but I embraced it. After a great writing session I birth a new poem. I am very excited to share it with everyone soon. The walk home was so beautiful, when I got to the front of my apartment building I found myself sitting in the rain, embracing the beauty of the universe. I am such a small part and I am very grateful. People around me are telling me I’ve changed, that I seemed calmer and happier. In responses I say, I am the Adolfo that’s always been afraid to come out but Adolfo is no longer afraid, also has passion to become great. I sometimes find myself walking home and tears starts to flow not of pain but of joy. Knowing that I feel joy and peace with being sober, something I never knew was possible. People say life keeps getting better, my mind can’t imagine the joy inside being any greater than it is. Sobriety has brought me such peace and only with that peace I see the world from a different view, life smells sweet, and everything looks brighter from the light the shines upon me to the night gloom that surrounds me. People also say it’s a pink cloud phase and it will pass, well my goal is to never let it pass and even the worse days of sobriety is a pink cloud over a fun day drunk.

 

Addiction for me is a blessing because it forced me into recovery so I can begin healing my past and my wrongs, than it introduce me to that Inner divine, the co creator of life that allows endless possibility. If I didn’t have Addiction than I would still be walking around a bitter hop of past and pain. I can now see a clear path, what I need to do to get to my long-term goal. Constant work and discipline is keeping my mind focus. Nothing comes before my sobriety because without it I have nothing. I lose myself. Alcohol killed everything alive in my life, and preserves everything that is dead. It’s never too late to change your thought process and gain control over the mind. We are all powerful and capable. For me Alcoholism started in my mind in the form of thoughts that lead to the body. I recently became aware that my thoughts are controlled by me. Than with that I was able to do the work, learn to be happy, made different choices, deal with feelings and forgive my past and myself. I am not perfect, I don’t know all the answers but I want to learn all about myself so I can heal, I want to learn everything, I want to be the best for me and others. I am a work in progress. I want be in constant growth and evolving, not being stagnant in fear created by my mind. With that said I will buying a plane ticket somewhere so I can face my fear of flying, not sure where but it needs to happen. This is me in the moment, changing with every second of sobriety. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for love, finding myself, and meeting my inner divine. No one can take away what I create inside myself.

 

Natasha Bedingfield Unwritten is how i feel in this moment

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo