DAY 191 Sober: Sober Learner

Hello friends, today is day 191 sober,  I had a wonderful 7 days off of work for thanksgiving. I am a bit over six months sober and only have had one craving. Every decision I am making in my life is toward long-term goals and my own doing. I don’t have to wake up the next day with guilt or worrisome of the wrongs I’ve caused. No more lush trends. My body feels great, no more really dry skin and my shape looks a lot better

The beginning of sobriety, detoxing the body happens, but I didn’t know detoxing the mind would also happen. My emotions would always go up and down, sad and happy, joyful and angry. I question everything and everybody. I found out quickly, who were my friends. So it seemed my life was upside down. It seemed like a roller coaster. I knew I wanted change and never wanted to taste another IPA beer, but the addiction came out in full force once I stop giving my addiction what it need, the booze. So I had to reach out and find out how to heal my broken mind. They say you can’t fix a broken mind with a broken mind, that is true 100, but I do believe you can heal a broken mind so you can be aware of the addiction voice. Now that the fog has cleared and I am not using, I am left with issues and root causes. It’s a huge step to be aware of being an addict because you can never become unaware once you are aware. The addiction can try and convince otherwise, but it will get quite and far in between. I just need to do my program and not drink

the beginning of sobriety  I was unaware of all the love in support sobriety brings, from people in recovery. I stumbled upon a website called “match me sober” and it connects people in sobriety, there are so many social media outlets that cater to us.

I call my Teachers, sober warriors who have the answers I need so I can understand the mind of the addiction. I’ve been in and out of AA rooms in California, my first was in my hometown and I did not connect with the speaker because he was talking about all the wrongs he has done. I was 21 never been in prison or did any of the things that he spoke of, so my defected mind, thought, I must not be an addict and left using. It was until years later, I found a place called primetime in Los Angeles heard what I needed, They focus on the mind of the addict and I left knowing I was an addict. I still never been in prison or did those things my Hometown speaker spoke about but I connected with the speaker of primetime, because they focus on the ego, mind and body of the addict and how it affects them in their day to day

 

I do not consider myself a sober warrior yet, there is still a way to go, but I am a sober learner. Love to learn more about addiction and one day able to help others, as of now I am a sponge soaking up all I can so I can be a better me. I need a solid foundation so I can build this house called life. There are other non-addicts that inspire my spiritual growth. My life long goal is to be the best I can be through my actions and thoughts. The universe render endless possibility, it might not always be as I planned, but there are reasons things happen. My little brown eyes are not made to understand at the time, but the lessons will surface I just have to be open enough to see it. Sober is the new black.

 

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This song from Macklemore-Otherside ft fences changed my life. Hope it helps someone who might be struggling

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

DAY 188 Sober: Holidays Sober

Hello, Friends, Today is 188 days sober, hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. I spent the holiday at my aunts in Bakersfield CA. I had so much fun spending time with my loved ones. Thanksgiving use to be filled with bottles of endless wine, whiskey, and beer. I had no cravings, just for the prime rib. I was in the moments. I did miss la a bit and my writing routine but very grateful for the time i spent with my loved ones. Me not drinking did not enter my mind one bit. Sobriety feels freeing, not shackled with all the mind noise, caging me from a good time. If I ever do feel uncomfortable it is important that I surround myself with people who love me so I can excuse myself and I know they would understand. My Sobriety above everything else because without sober I don’t have anything including my family. I would loose all trust I worked so hard to gain.  I live in a state of gratefulness for people letting me back in.

I am now back in LA for two weeks than heading back home to Palm Springs CA for 2-3weeks. Last year around this time I went back home for two weeks and spent a thousand bucks on booze. This time I will be more productive on my long-term goals; I will get a huge chunk of my book finish. Sitting in coffee shops writing also thrift shopping and visiting family. I love to dance, so a nightclub with some amazing friends will be in the works. I am starting to feel peace with being single and learned so much from my past relationship, excited to see what is next. I cannot focus on a relationship at the moment. What is keeping me sober without the mind noise for the holiday is staying in the moments, meeting with my higher power in the morning and my program. Surrounding myself with love and knowing I am an addict and finding peace with that.

Having an addiction to Alcohol is different than any other substance because it is legal; it’s at every dinner table, on signs and billboards. For example, I am a recovering heroin addict and eating dinner with my mom and she orders some heroin and shoots up in front of me. That could be hard for someone in the early weeks of sobriety. The first weeks I was not ready to be around it and I needed to learn to be ok with it in my face, I can’t hide from booze I need to see through the booze. I had to make a new normal that is now the normal.  Sober is the New Black

 

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This song from The killers Be still, helped me through difficult moments and if there is anyone out there, who might be suffering or having a hard time in sobriety. Hope it helps

Day 185 sober: First Article

Hello, Friends today is 185 sober. Today has been a great day so far, getting a new haircut. I’ll post pictures later. Heading out to Bakersfield CA for thanksgiving. Going to be around some of my favorite people. Taking 7 days off of work, to relax and write. This will be my first sober thanksgiving in a long time, how grateful to be alive and clear minded allowing me to experience life with loved ones.

I wrote an article for http://www.FloridaBeachRehab.com. Very grateful for the opportunity, to share my story, hoping it helps someone who is suffering or is questioning sobriety. The article is about how I started Sober is the New Black and how my poems help heal my soul. Sobriety for me isn’t just sober from booze, sober from past, sober from hurt, sober from one’s ego, sober from anything that is preventing me from reaching my full potential. Hope you guys enjoy the article. The link will be below. Sober is the new black. Hope you all enjoy a very great Thanksgiving.

 

http://www.floridabeachrehab.com/sobriety-through-poetry/.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

Dr. Maya Angelou is someone I turned to for wisdom. This video helps with creating kindness inside me.

DAY 180 Sober: Learning to love my Body

Hello Friends, Day 180 sober. It’s has been such a busy week for me. Have some awesome upcoming shares. First and article and a featured in a magazine, Day 1, I would have never thought Sober is the new black would have brought some of my dreams to reality. I still have moments in my day where I look out the window and be in the moment. Work is slowing down and will end very soon. Going to write, write and rewrite. Heading back to Palm springs for 3 weeks at the end of December and early January. I never just sat and wrote in my hometown, so that is one of the many things I am excited to do. Going back with an open heart and a clear mind is such a beautiful thing.

 

Once an addict stops drinking, we are left with internal issues. So going back home will allow me to see my mother and father were I could continue the healing process. In the past, I was short tempered around my mother and nervous around my father but I need to be able to see them in the light of love and not in judgment. I am in a better place and have healed some wounds; so I am excited but I still need to learn what role will they be in my life. I will no longer let anyone make me feel less than. The most important thing is how I feel about myself.

 

My six months sober will be here in a couple days, the longest I have been sober in 10 years, and I feel very proud but still have a ways to go in my healing process. I need to always be aware of my ego and how my disorder manifests in my head. The disorder is not in the booze, it’s in my mind so once I am not giving it what it needs than that it comes out in the form of depression, self-hate, overeating, new addictions, sexual active, etc. So I have to be self-aware, healing and letting go of all the negative thoughts that are my addiction. So far I’ve been good, loving my mind, loving my soul, loving my talents but something I need to work on is love for my body. I sometimes look away from mirrors or find myself leaving a clothing store if I see my reflection. This is very hard to talk about but I never felt handsome. My weight always goes up and down and right now it’s a bit up but I can now see the mental disorder feeding me lies in my head, telling me to skip a meal or eat less. I am glad I am aware of it, so if weight is something I want to change, that’s ok but I need to do it healthy. So I joined a gym, so I can start working out. Working out will help my mind as well. I want to be healthy all around. I also will be forcing me to look in the mirror in the morning and say, “I am Beautiful” out loud until my eyes, voice and feelings believe it. It will take time, one issue at a time. Sober is the new black

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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Colbie Caillat try is such an inspirational song!

 

 

DAY 174 Sober: Reflections

Hello friends. It’s day 174 sober,  Today was the end of my work season that means less work ahead and more writing. Feeling a bit tired, worked 14 hrs. yesterday but feeling positive and a bit sleepy. I’ve been working 60 plus hrs a week so I am in much need of a haircut, shaving, new glasses, gym, rest, Mani and Pedi. All well deserve.

 

A few days ago a site contacted me wanting me to write articles. I am beyond grateful. Sober life equals unimaginable dreams, so this weekend i’ll be writing my first article. Growing up I never thought I would be a writer. A poor, welfare kid, with addicts as parents, is no longer my story I carry on my back. I used that story to be mediocre and as an excuse for bad behavior. Now I take complete ownership for every part of my life. Being sober has brought a lot of clarity. This past year my life has done a complete 360. I have had some time to reflect on my past relationship this week. I realized just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean it was not a successful relationship. It was beyond successful. Some of the best moments of my life so far, I laughed and ate nice cheese, meet some cool people and had so much love around but the most important part is I am sober because of it. Those 3 years open me up to real love, I never knew I could love that deep or capable of connecting with someone on that level. I took away so many life-lesson and is blessed and grateful he saw something in me before I saw it in myself. If you see someone struggling, reach out and call them out. I believe there are many soul mates on this life road, he was what I needed at the time so I can grow and evolve. Now that I have evolved the universe will render a new soul mate that will teach me new lessons about myself, I just hope my love taught my ex something too.

 

 

I was so empty inside growing up so I was always searching to fill my insides up with instant-gratifications. Booze, sex, money, attention, food, getting skinny. I was searching to make me whole inside with outside stuff. Stuff goes away and never last. I did not realize healing started from within and is work that is constant. Whether an addict or a non-addict we all have healing to do. This upcoming year will be an adventure finding me every day and experience a new sober life. Sober is the new black.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

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Eddie Vedder is such an amazing artist and the soundtrack for into the wild which is a brilliant film is perfect.

 

 

 

Day 169 Sober: Creating love for me

Hello Friends, today is 169 days sober, So far it has been pretty peaceful, my plans today is to enjoy each moment and not let anything negative effect my emotions. Lately, I’ve been enjoying being by myself. Away from others and it might be because I spend most of my weekdays surrounded with others and I don’t get much time with myself. My shower is my safe place, where I go and pray and reflect on how I can be better than the day before. I am washing away yesterday worries. Kind of symbolic. I just started once I got sober, I meet with my inner light, and once I connect I feel a sense of peace and my body tingles. It helps me start my day.

 

 I also enjoy a sense of touch, I run my fingers over walls, or rub my toes in the dirt, so I can focus on the feeling bringing me back to the present away from mind haze. The more I do it the better I get at coming back to the present moment. I feel that sometimes you have to go back to heal so you can move forward but always come back to the moment in peace and understanding. I do notice everything seems brighter, I see life in everything from the wind carrying a bag to the bag itself. What keeps me sober is being connected with my inner light and being self-aware, constant evolving and staying in the moment. Accepting that I am the co-creator with the ultimate creator and embracing life plans.

 

What I need to work on is finding my purpose, writing yes but I think callings may change since I am always evolving and I might have many callings, I know eventually I would love to work with broken children so they can see their infinite Potential, as I was one of those kids.

In the past I only loved the way I knew how to, a broken kind of love it was still love, but showed in ways a person should not show love learned by seeing my parents. I did things a broken person did, but I was unaware of the broken mind caused by addiction and past hurts but I am aware now. Love is a feeling inside me I create for myself, which overflows into relationships. The most important thing is how I show my love. I am creating deep love for myself, letting it shine out. It’s constant work but, hopefully, it becomes effortless. Sober is the new black

Stay connect with love Adolfo Vasquez,

 

 

 

DAY 82 Sober Poem

Love this song Adia from Sarah Mclachlan,

 

DAY 168 Sober: Sober Miracle

Hello Friends, today is 168 days sober, this week been a busy week, I worked 70hrs but glad this season will be over soon and ill have more time to write. My mind disorder called Alcoholism is healing, no cravings. This year I got sober and lost someone really important in my life. This has been the hardest but most rewarding year of my life. Some of the biggest mistakes that turn into life lesson happen this year. I realized all those things the addiction has done was my mental disorder that I was unaware of. I thought my addiction was me but once I separate the two, I was able to stop it dead in its track.

 

I will not hold myself prisoner from what my addiction has done; I am whom I choose to be now, in this moment. In order for me to grow I have to let go of the guilt of hurting loved ones, every day I feel less guilty. I can’t even relate to the old me so I can’t even explain what my old self did. I lost someone who was very instrumental in opening my eyes to the addiction. I lost him because I was unaware of my mental disorder. This is hard, but I am very strong and can get through it, I allow myself a good weep to cleanse myself. I know all I have to do is stay sober, I see sober miracles every day. I called them sober miracle like walking past old bars without feeling tempted, being around booze and not craving it. Feeling peace inside knowing my lips will never be on a beer bottle.

 

Change is very hard but freeing. I was born on 11.11 so in a few days I’ll be 29. I am now finding myself, forcing myself to heal old wounds. Forgiving everybody and everything still learning how to forgive me. I will never stop growing; I will continue to evolve, to inspire others and me. Right now, I am happy, feeling free and a bit sad but I am feeling life and not using and that is a sober miracle. Sober is the new black

 

 

DAY 84 SOBER POEM

 

Stay connected with love, Adolfo Vasquez

Some Paloma Faith to end my night.