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December 31, 2014

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DAY 221 Sober: Life Changing year in Review

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DAY 221 Sober: Life Changing year in Review

Hello Friends, Today is day 221 sober. Hope you all are having a wonderful new years eve. The last day of 2014, No cravings for that old and wasted nightlife. This past year has been a life-changing year. The year started out in a very dark place, losing love and friends, in and out of sober facility’s, courts rooms, body feeling long-term abuse of alcoholism, no purpose or direction. To now sitting in a café, writing sober with a book in the works. Sober is the New Black started out as me documenting my day-to-day struggles, I would have never thought it would evolve to being seen in over 88 countries. Beyond grateful for all the readers that have inspired my heart. I feel so much love it’s indescribable.  Now all I want to do is help others who may be struggling or know someone who is struggling.  I found a new love for poetry. I’m able to reflect back on my growth.

As I write, I am in tears because I know how hard this year has been but also the most rewarding. I am madly in love with sobriety. Feeling human again, dreaming dreams like I did as a child. Feeling happy, joy and peace but also sad at times but that means I am alive and for that I am so grateful.

When, I was using I did have lots of love around me but the disorder blinded me. I can now see love, but also I feel it inside for others but more importantly for myself. It’s in every cell of my body. No matter how dark my surroundings are light will shine through. It is possible to go from Rock bottom to living dreams in one year. Anything is possible once you start clearing your mind and body from the substance and start listening inwards and healing. Watching the mind disorder in the form of thoughts and eventually it will be so quiet, it’s almost non-existent. Sober is the new black. I don’t usually make new years resolution, not in my DNA, but I will say this coming year will consist of my staying sober and healing. Working on long-term goals.

Who knows Sober is the New Black might end up on the silver screen? Wink-wink. I will continue writing poetry, Finding myself and living my truth. See you next year!

 

Here are some of my last poems of 2014

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This year hands down SIA Album 1000 fears forms of fear has inspired my life. Sia Chandelier is about Addiction.

 

Here are some of the lyrics.

But I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down, won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight
Help me, I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down, won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight

Sun is up, I’m a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame

1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink

Throw ’em back ’til I lose count.

 

The video is a bit haunting. I see it as a younger self that hasn’t healed or A younger SIA that has been through a hard childhood dealing with Alcohol to cope. Sober is the New Black.

 

 

stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

 

 

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December 29, 2014

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DAY 219 Sober: Sober and Single

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DAY 219 Sober: Sober and Single

Hello friends today is day 219 sober, I have one more week left until I head back to Los Angeles. Palm Springs so far has been a beautiful trip. Seeing loved ones also meeting some new friends has been amazing.

I am trying to figure how soon I should tell someone about Sober is the New Black. I am very open and raw which I don’t mind but some people might be quick to judge without getting to know me whole. With any normal person dating you don’t let it all out on the first date but in my case Everything is out for the world to see. He will ask what I write about and If I don’t tell him right away would I be lying? I know eventually the person I meet will find out. I also know the one guy I meet will have to accept me not drinking, but I wonder how soon should I let them know the reasons why I don’t drink? If a guy does not understand then of course he isn’t the one for me.

Would it be hard to be with somebody who drinks? Should I even attempt to connect with another guy who suffered from addiction? I know whatever will be will be, so I should just wait and see.firs

With all this said I met someone really cool, fun, and nice. He is aware that I don’t drink. Someone in their twenties who does not partake in drinking is a bit of a foreigner. He wanted to know why I don’t drink. I felt it was way too soon to let him know, but I did hint towards an issue. He seemed to not push the issue and we danced the night away. I had such a blast, laughing all the way to the next morning.  When I first meet a guy and we connect I find myself a bit perplex on what to say. I am not looking for a relationship at the moment, but I do want companionship. I’ll just go with the flow of life. Sober is the New Black. Many questions and not enough answers.

“Smile through the pain until Frowns Become Magnificent Crowns ” Adolfo Vasquez

 

crowns poem

crowns poem

Love me some Peter Murphy and I’ll fall with your knife, is a breathtaking song. hope you all enjoy

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December 18, 2014

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DAY 208 Sober: Sobriety my Foundation

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DAY 208 Sober: Sobriety my Foundation

Hello friends, today is day 208 sober. Getting my ducks in a row. Heading back home tomorrow, so excited to see my loved ones and to write in my hometown. My hometown haves tons of memories that made me who I am today. Huge amount of growth since I’ve left palm springs ca. I’ll be back in los Angeles the beginning of next year, my goal is to return with Amends I had made from the ones I’ve hurt and some peace from the ones that hurt me.

 

As the days go on and I am sober my mind is getting quiet and that allows me to find myself. Some stuff is great that I am finding like deep love for myself, very content with my life. I am also finding stuff that needs to be worked on. I’m a very sensitive person and at times I feel life my heart lives on my skin. That’s not a bad thing, I have tons of compassion for others but I do need to work on not letting people opinion on my recovery program effect me. I am sober and not craving but also healing so it’s working. My way might not work for others and my healing shouldn’t prevent someone else from healing him or herself. I am a human and will be hurt, feel pain, be heartbroken, but I am learning how to cope through those things, embracing life at its fullest. Crying is part of healing and also knowing when to surrender the pain to that higher power. Everybody has a different definition of higher power and that’s a beautiful thing.

The reason behind me counting my days is for someone who is day 30 sober or day 68 sober and having a hard time, they can Google their days and my blog will appear. Maybe thy can relate to what I was going through that day and just maybe it could help in some ways. Today I feel so happy being sober; something I never knew was possible. I had to learn that sobriety would not solve all my worries or make my life perfect. Sobriety helps clear my mind so I can work towards a life that will bring peace and happiness. Sobriety is my foundation in life, I have to build the rest but I can’t build a healthy life without my sobriety foundation. Sober is the new black

 

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Amanda palmer is someone who I love so much; Her song in my mind resonates with me. I am exactly the person I need to be in this moment of being.

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

My new glasses

Adolfo Vasquez

Adolfo Vasquez

 

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December 13, 2014

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Day 203 Sober: Alone in Recovery

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Day 203 Sober: Alone in Recovery

Hello friends, today is 203 days sober, spending the day getting ready for my trip back home. So happy to see the desert stars and smells that desert air. Going back with a clear mind and focusing on healing childhood wounds is necessary for my sobriety. I grew up in a very dark childhood that consisted of all child abuse. Homeless quite a bit, so I know my childhood has everything to do with the way I saw my self-worth and how I saw people and how I reacted to life situations. I still don’t have a clear vision on why I started substance abuse with drugs and booze but in time I feel it will render.

I am feeling very content with being alone, its helps so I can focus on the areas I need the most work on. Being alone and loneliness was hard to separate in recovery because I felt like a part of me was missing but I came to realize that I am not lacking anything everything I need is already in me I just to create inside myself and the universe will bring to life. I am detaching from negative thoughts, opinions, all needs that I think I need. So I can sit still and not be blinded from my Ego. I want my Ego to become small and I need to always be aware so I can connect to others without pushing my old beliefs onto them. In recovery, I sometimes see people being unsupportive in others recovery process or kind of mean to others who are relapsing and I don’t ever want to be a dry drunk. I want to always have compassion for others because I was once them who kept relapsing on the same hand in recovery I never seen so much compassion and reaching out, The first week this blog went live, I was getting some people not so happy about me being vocal about my addiction and recovery process, even from my own family but a sober warrior told me to keep going and let my higher power guided my heart and so without her wisdom I probably would have stop. I don’t ever want to not speak out about my addiction because I want others who might still be using to know just cause you suffer from a mental disorder you are still capable of living out your dreams and living a happy life, you addiction doesn’t define you just like diabetes doesn’t define a diabetic. We just have to learn to separate oneself from the mind voice.

 

I am grateful for life, for my readers, for the love I am creating for myself that helps me love others unconditionally. I am grateful for my recovery that pushes me to becoming a better me. Sober is the new black.

 

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India Arie “video” is such a powerful song, sometimes in life I have to be reminded and be put back on track with loving me whole and if I am feeling a bit blue I play this on repeat until there is no question on how much I love me.

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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December 10, 2014

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200 Days of Sober

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200 Days of Sober

Hello Friends, today 200 days sober! I’ve been sick but mustard up some strength to write. This has been the longest I’ve been sober in so long, I relapsed a bunch of times but it’s never too late to start over. So many lessons in my relapses I take with me into this newly sober life. I feel peace that was once unheard of in my sobriety time. The longer that I am sober, my days pass without me even really thinking about being sober. Life seems to be flowing and I am just riding along. In some ways I am finding new parts of me that I never knew existed, life seems very normal. It feels great knowing the new normal eventually turns into a normal. I have been around booze and it doesn’t change the way I feel or makes me question my sober shine.

I’ve notice when meeting people for the first time and they ask me what I do, I don’t mind telling them about my blog or the book that is currently being written. Sobriety works for me and I don’t expect others to fill the same. It seems people are very nice others I can feel a bit of  hesitation. The word addict can scare a person, but it’s understandable, the symptoms of the mental disorder can cause harm to myself and to others if I’m using. Some people are unaware because they don’t know addicts or do know addicts and have been wounded by them and think I choose to be an addict. I used to care what others thought, in the beginning of sobriety I question if I should let a person know about sober is the new black? Or wait until they actually got to know me but the reality is, sobriety is number one the rest follows and I can’t be with someone or have friends that don’t understand that. I need people to see past my disorder and see my heart. A person who is unaware of the mental disorder might also think a person in recovery is not fun to hang out with or is a downer. Just to clarify it is quite the opposite. In my case I am laughing all the time, wanting to dance, a better friend and outgoing, very open to trying new things. When I was using I was secluded, non-social, not wanting to do anything, in dive bars, passing out early and getting drunk early, emotional, angry, would get offend by everybody and everything. I was no fun to be around.

 

Now that I am sober, know one can make me feel any less than what I feel for myself. I am very content with the friends I have in my life at the moment, I am now building on those relationship, instead of looking for validation in others who I just met or lost due to my addiction. Next week I’ll be in Palm Springs CA for a few weeks, so  pools, dancing, and great writing sessions is what’s in store for me. Catching up with my family and loved ones. Going to see my mom and dad for some healing moments. My parents also suffered from addiction and so my childhood wasn’t the best and it molded my mind and eyes and affected the way I saw the world and myself in a negative way. I was an addict before I took my first substance, I had addiction tendencies and very self-abusive. I just need to get better before I head home, this fever and sore throat isn’t fun! I’ve been taking vitamins and getting as much sleep as I can. I have not written a poem in a while but feel content because I need to be 100 percent so I can create poetry.

DAY 91 SOBER POEM

 

Sober is the New Black

 

A lot of Sia music seems to be about addiction not sure if she struggled with it herself, but it helps me in times of need. Burn the pages off Sia new album is such a powerful song and I hope it inspires others to take out all the negative thoughts, feelings and past put them in a book and burn it and rise from the ashes, Rebirth.

http://youtu.be/o-OBiu4hAfY

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

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December 1, 2014

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DAY 191 Sober: Sober Learner

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DAY 191 Sober: Sober Learner

Hello friends, today is day 191 sober,  I had a wonderful 7 days off of work for thanksgiving. I am a bit over six months sober and only have had one craving. Every decision I am making in my life is toward long-term goals and my own doing. I don’t have to wake up the next day with guilt or worrisome of the wrongs I’ve caused. No more lush trends. My body feels great, no more really dry skin and my shape looks a lot better

The beginning of sobriety, detoxing the body happens, but I didn’t know detoxing the mind would also happen. My emotions would always go up and down, sad and happy, joyful and angry. I question everything and everybody. I found out quickly, who were my friends. So it seemed my life was upside down. It seemed like a roller coaster. I knew I wanted change and never wanted to taste another IPA beer, but the addiction came out in full force once I stop giving my addiction what it need, the booze. So I had to reach out and find out how to heal my broken mind. They say you can’t fix a broken mind with a broken mind, that is true 100, but I do believe you can heal a broken mind so you can be aware of the addiction voice. Now that the fog has cleared and I am not using, I am left with issues and root causes. It’s a huge step to be aware of being an addict because you can never become unaware once you are aware. The addiction can try and convince otherwise, but it will get quite and far in between. I just need to do my program and not drink

the beginning of sobriety  I was unaware of all the love in support sobriety brings, from people in recovery. I stumbled upon a website called “match me sober” and it connects people in sobriety, there are so many social media outlets that cater to us.

I call my Teachers, sober warriors who have the answers I need so I can understand the mind of the addiction. I’ve been in and out of AA rooms in California, my first was in my hometown and I did not connect with the speaker because he was talking about all the wrongs he has done. I was 21 never been in prison or did any of the things that he spoke of, so my defected mind, thought, I must not be an addict and left using. It was until years later, I found a place called primetime in Los Angeles heard what I needed, They focus on the mind of the addict and I left knowing I was an addict. I still never been in prison or did those things my Hometown speaker spoke about but I connected with the speaker of primetime, because they focus on the ego, mind and body of the addict and how it affects them in their day to day

 

I do not consider myself a sober warrior yet, there is still a way to go, but I am a sober learner. Love to learn more about addiction and one day able to help others, as of now I am a sponge soaking up all I can so I can be a better me. I need a solid foundation so I can build this house called life. There are other non-addicts that inspire my spiritual growth. My life long goal is to be the best I can be through my actions and thoughts. The universe render endless possibility, it might not always be as I planned, but there are reasons things happen. My little brown eyes are not made to understand at the time, but the lessons will surface I just have to be open enough to see it. Sober is the new black.

 

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This song from Macklemore-Otherside ft fences changed my life. Hope it helps someone who might be struggling

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

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November 25, 2014

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Day 185 sober: First Article

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Day 185 sober: First Article

Hello, Friends today is 185 sober. Today has been a great day so far, getting a new haircut. I’ll post pictures later. Heading out to Bakersfield CA for thanksgiving. Going to be around some of my favorite people. Taking 7 days off of work, to relax and write. This will be my first sober thanksgiving in a long time, how grateful to be alive and clear minded allowing me to experience life with loved ones.

I wrote an article for http://www.FloridaBeachRehab.com. Very grateful for the opportunity, to share my story, hoping it helps someone who is suffering or is questioning sobriety. The article is about how I started Sober is the New Black and how my poems help heal my soul. Sobriety for me isn’t just sober from booze, sober from past, sober from hurt, sober from one’s ego, sober from anything that is preventing me from reaching my full potential. Hope you guys enjoy the article. The link will be below. Sober is the new black. Hope you all enjoy a very great Thanksgiving.

 

http://www.floridabeachrehab.com/sobriety-through-poetry/.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

Dr. Maya Angelou is someone I turned to for wisdom. This video helps with creating kindness inside me.