DAY 174 Sober: Reflections

Hello friends. It’s day 174 sober,  Today was the end of my work season that means less work ahead and more writing. Feeling a bit tired, worked 14 hrs. yesterday but feeling positive and a bit sleepy. I’ve been working 60 plus hrs a week so I am in much need of a haircut, shaving, new glasses, gym, rest, Mani and Pedi. All well deserve.

 

A few days ago a site contacted me wanting me to write articles. I am beyond grateful. Sober life equals unimaginable dreams, so this weekend i’ll be writing my first article. Growing up I never thought I would be a writer. A poor, welfare kid, with addicts as parents, is no longer my story I carry on my back. I used that story to be mediocre and as an excuse for bad behavior. Now I take complete ownership for every part of my life. Being sober has brought a lot of clarity. This past year my life has done a complete 360. I have had some time to reflect on my past relationship this week. I realized just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean it was not a successful relationship. It was beyond successful. Some of the best moments of my life so far, I laughed and ate nice cheese, meet some cool people and had so much love around but the most important part is I am sober because of it. Those 3 years open me up to real love, I never knew I could love that deep or capable of connecting with someone on that level. I took away so many life-lesson and is blessed and grateful he saw something in me before I saw it in myself. If you see someone struggling, reach out and call them out. I believe there are many soul mates on this life road, he was what I needed at the time so I can grow and evolve. Now that I have evolved the universe will render a new soul mate that will teach me new lessons about myself, I just hope my love taught my ex something too.

 

 

I was so empty inside growing up so I was always searching to fill my insides up with instant-gratifications. Booze, sex, money, attention, food, getting skinny. I was searching to make me whole inside with outside stuff. Stuff goes away and never last. I did not realize healing started from within and is work that is constant. Whether an addict or a non-addict we all have healing to do. This upcoming year will be an adventure finding me every day and experience a new sober life. Sober is the new black.

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo Vasquez

 

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Eddie Vedder is such an amazing artist and the soundtrack for into the wild which is a brilliant film is perfect.

 

 

 

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DAY 144 Sober: Alive and Feeling Life

Hello Friends. Today is day 144 sober. Lately I’ve been learning how to accept  life’s decisions. Everything happens for a reason and I have to accept the universe plans even if it hurts. Yes pain is part of life and so is heart breaks, I just have to stay focus on my healing. In the past when life wasn’t going as plan I would give up and give in to coping substances but now I am allowing myself to endure pain and learn how to work through it with a clean mind and body. I don’t want an ounce of that liquid poison. I crave other things like healing, writing and finding a purposeful day. Yes my heart might be broken but it’s a sober heart and it’s grieving in a healthy way without booze. Whether its happiness or sadness, it’s great to know I am capable of feeling life without booze.

 

 

I’ve been working like crazy and have stop my daily posts on Sober is the New Black. I will get back to my daily entries once this work season is over. I also have some projects in the works but I had to pause them for the moment. My goal is to take off 3 months of work at the end of this year so I can finish my book I’ve been creating. I am adding another element to it and I am very excited. It needs to be perfect and I need to take my time so it can be right. I am aware of how blessed I am to be able to take 3 months off of work and I don’t want to take it for granted. In the past I would spend my time off wasting tons of money on hotels, booze and partying after the work season. This time I want to invest my time and money on my long-term goals and dreams. Sober is the New Black. I am grateful for life, family, friends, for my strength to endure life’s blues and for my sobriety that keeps me alive.

 

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DAY 54 SOBER: DOING THE RIGHT THING

Good morning friends, today is day 54 sober! It’s almost two months and I am so proud of myself for getting this far. The journey has been very clean, no cravings. I’ve been going deep trying to find issues that I have from childhood and connect the dots when it comes to my adult thinking. I’ve also been praying and surrendering, which has been amazing. When I surrender, even when it’s a non-Alcohol issue, the universe seems to work everything out. For example I recently moved into a new apartment and before the move I was a bit worried about taking on all the responsibility that comes with having your own place. I have never lived on my own and one of the worrisome was financial Responsibility, can I do it. So I prayed and surrender it to my higher power, as I understand it to be. A few hours later I called the rental office to see how much my move in cost will be and they informed me that my rent is half off for a year due to a maintenance issue. My eyes are not meant to see the universe path, just to believe and surrender, Let the universe play its role. Like Oprah says I can dream this big of a dream but the universe can dream, dreams bigger than you can imagine. Surrender, gratitude, and doing the right thing are the kind of space I always want to live in.

 

Doing the right thing isn’t always easy when you are caught up in your day or ego or issues, its that moment when you see a lost person asking for direction and you have a smart phone you can easily put in the address and direct them. The moment you realize their struggle the inner voice tells me maybe I should help her, that’s the inner divine speaking to me, the inner spirit, that has always been inside. Than my ego says nope I wont because I will miss stop or I am on Facebook. The “I” is the ego. Always thinking about it self and never grateful. Doing the right thing, not for profit or for ego will be so fulfilling within. Matching my words with my actions are really soul rewarding. I used to stay up watching YouTube videos seeing people give homeless people money. It felt good, it gave me tears of Joy and I heard my inner self say I would love to do that, Than the ego says “I” am not rich, theirs the “I” again. It’s not really the giving of the money that makes me cry it’s the compassion and empty without judgment that makes me cry.  Empathy and compassion is the universal language we all understand and it connects are inner souls. It overlooks race, sex, religion, and politics, what country you are from, beliefs. I am grateful for life, a clear mind, and for Sober is the New Black

 

I’ve been obsessed with Maya Angelou for a while this video helps me understand what do the Right thing means. Hope you enjoy this video  

 

 

Stay connect with  love, Adolfo

 

 

 

DAY 52 Sober: A Child Thief

Hello friends, today is Day 52 sober. I am back to the grind of the week. This week I need to focus on staying positive at work and getting enough sleep. Having to be up at 330am is hard even for a morning person but I have to man up and be a responsible adult. I have always been a hard worker. I started working at very young age, My first job was in middle school around 11years old, I would help set up tents at a local market on the weekends for like 20 bucks a day. The man I helped sold glasses. I also helped him sell. After that ended I became a paper boy outside grocery stores selling papers, that did not last long I was only making a few buck a day.  I kind of had to work if I wanted to eat, I knew at a very young age anything I ever needed or wanted I had to get on my own.

 

Sometimes illegally, I remember being really hungry and walking into groceries store in middle school and grabbing a lunch able, cheese string and a Reese than heading to the restroom were I would sit in the stall and eat because I knew I would go to bed hungry and there was plenty of times i did go to bed hungry. When i was younger In elementary school I remember my Mom and her boyfriend putting me in people doggy doors because i was tiny and steal food from their kitchen also they would make me and my brothers walk in Walmart change my old shoes and walk out with new ones. My mothers boyfriend sam would beat me and yell at me if i did not steal from stores, it was stuff we needed.  Its funny because I still have guilt for stealing at such a young age, as crazy as is it sounds. Middle school for me was the worst of my childhood because that’s when I realize I had to balance a crazy home life with middle school. There is this one incident that still brings tears to my eyes, I remember walking in my Apartment complex parking lot and seeing a car window rolled down and a purse sitting in the passenger seat. I grab it and ran inside a storage area that held the apartment dumpster. I took all the cash and threw the purse in the trash. When I open up the wallet I seen it had a food stamp card that people used to cash their checks. I was terrified but knew that money would help when I look back I knew that I stole from a poor person who had kids and need that money. When I went back home I gave it my mother her face showed relief and joy, I told her I found it. Later that day the lady son was walking around and asked me if I seen any guy walking around with a purse. I said know. I know at that age I had to survive and had to do stuff I am not proud of but I need to forgive my childhood self.  

 

I would love to find that family and pay them back one day. I am still writing my childhood down on paper, its difficult but I am pushing trough. My childhood Is very layered, complex and profoundly misfortunate. It did teach my how to be a survivor and how endure life and pain. As I got older I used booze to help me drown my past so I wouldn’t have to deal but the past will always learn how to swim and float back up to the surface… I love Frida Kahlo and she once said “ I drank to drown my sorrows, but the damned things learned how to swim”  I am grateful for the past lessons,  for writing and for my survivor skills that helping me survivor this mental and body disorder that is called Alcoholism. I will rise and nothing going to stop me now. Sober is the New Black..I recently heard this song by B.O.B-John Doe feat JoJo. I am coming home to myself.

 

 

 

Stay connect with love, Adolfo